


Shiver

by mogitz



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Hallucinations, Nightmares, Post-Series, Pre-Series, Rescue Missions, Survival Horror, Wendigo, Wendigo Josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 54,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5256056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mogitz/pseuds/mogitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Did you know...?"<br/>"About the prank? God no," Sam scoffed, her shoulders lowering. She brought a hand to her head; it was still warm from the coffee. "No, of course not. If I knew I would have stopped it," she assured.<br/>"Did you love him?" she heard Mike ask, his voice suddenly feeling very far away. A small, weak smile parted her lips.<br/>"Yeah," she said in almost a whisper. "In a way, I think I did."</p><p> Sam/Josh, pre & post game events.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. From the Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted on FF.net.  
> A little melodramatic but whatevs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all survive that fateful night, except one. Sam confesses to Mike her history with Josh and mourns his loss.  
> In the past, Joshua Washington visits Sam in the middle of the night for comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending: All Survive, +Josh
> 
> Rating: T/M; Cursing, Sensuality, Sexual Innuendo, Gore, Horror
> 
> Character Pairings: [Sam, Josh]
> 
> A/N: Hey everyone. Like a lot of you, I don't think the ending was quite fair to our favorite psychopath, and I hate that we never got to explore his and Sam's past relationship, or lack-thereof. This is a story that takes place directly after the events of the game, and although so far I've read a lot of great Sam/Josh fics on this site, I thought I'd take my own crack at his redemption arc. Thanks for reading. Review if you want more, otherwise this may be a one-shot.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 1:**

_From the Ashes_

* * *

**7:00 a.m. -** _Dawn **  
**_

Flames engulfed the massive lodge, sending ash and hot embers into the awakening sky. After what had felt like forever, the sun was finally beginning to peak up over the evergreens like a searchlight. The fire was a beacon, signaling up to the hovering helicopter the whereabouts of the tired and battered teenagers. They looked back and forth from one another, taking note of their bruised and bloodied faces, their broken bodies.

_It was finally, truly over._

"Please clear the area for landing," the pilot's garbled, disembodied voice called out from the helicopter's sound system. The group of friends parted, although not _too_ much, as the fear of losing one another was still too prominent in their minds.

Sam took in a sharp breath, and it felt like the first one of her life - like she was coming up for air. She glanced around from face to face, thankful to see them all there; Mike, Jessica, Emily, Matt, Chris, Ashley, Josh…

_Wait._

She suddenly remembered what Mike had said about the Wendigo taking Josh and carrying him away further into those mines. She hadn't had the time to really process it before, especially since at the time she was certain they were all doomed to a similar fate. But now that they were on the brink of rescue, she felt her stomach swirl, and if there had been any food in it she may have expelled it all right there. His face flashed in her mind for only an instant but it squeezed gently on her heart as she reluctantly began to imagine just what he was going through.

If you'd asked her only hours ago, before she'd looked into the dead, white eyes of those… _those things_ …the only monster she'd been made aware of was Josh, himself.

_Josh and his stupid, sadistic prank._

If only he'd confided in her about it like he'd confided in her over the last year since losing his sisters, maybe she could have stopped it all from happening.

But, it did happen. And now the Washington's would have to mourn yet another child, and Sam and her friends would have to find a way to cope, yet again.

Only this time, she knew _exactly_ where he was.

"What about Josh!?" Sam called out, her hair nearly being whipped free from her bun in the high winds of the helicopter blades.

" _What_?" Mike yelled back over the noise.

" _Josh_!" she tried again, slower, so loud that her throat felt hoarse. Mike's face fell as the look of realization spread across it. His eyes darted from Sam's face to the lowering helicopter, and Sam felt a punch to the gut. He wasn't going to go with her.

"He's…he's gone, Sam," Mike tried desperately to assure. "You saw those things, there's no way-" Sam grimaced; she didn't want to hear the end of that sentence.

"We can't just _leave_ him!" Even over the loudness of the helicopter, Sam could hear the sound of snow crunching behind her from her own foot, gearing up to take her back towards the mines. Mike's eyes fell back to her, he began shaking his head.

 _"Don't,_ Sam! It's too late for him-"

"Let the creep go! After all he did to us-" Emily began to interject.

"I don't care what he did to us! He's still our friend!" Sam found Chris in the sea of faces. "Right, Chris?" she tried. If anyone would help her get Josh, Sam would have figured it would be his best friend. But, Sam knew when Chris' eyes shifted from her over to his peers, all of which stared back at her uncomfortably - - They were going to leave him. She couldn't blame them; over the course of the last few hours they'd gone through hell and back, much of which was Josh's fault in the first place. Chris sheepishly gazed down at the ground and it was clear this was the hardest decision he'd ever had to make in his life.

" _Chris_?" Sam tried again, her voice shaking and her eyes brimming with involuntary tears.

"He's too far gone, Sam…it's too dangerous," Chris said, unable to meet her gaze. Sam felt her jaw clench, holding back the tears that so badly wanted to spill out. In front of them, the helicopter finally began to touch down.

" _Fine_ ," Sam hissed, bringing her arm up to wipe her eyes dry quickly. "I'll go by myself," she muttered before turning quickly and sprinting back into the Blackwood Pines.

"Sam, get back here!" Mike called to her back, fading further and further. He knew it would take more than words to bring her back this time. Paramedics were spilling out now, hurrying over towards the battered teens. " _Damn_ it!" Mike groaned before taking off after her on foot.

"Mike! Where are you going!?" Emily shouted out after him. "Are you insane?!" Mike turned back, never stopping his feet.

"Wait for us! We'll be right back!" He tried to sound sure of himself, but in all honesty, he knew that this was the stupidest thing he could ever do. Help was there, finally! And what was he doing? Running after Sam on her suicide mission. He would never understand her, nor her incessant need to do the right thing. Sure, Josh was their friend, but he dug his own grave...

_Still..._

Mike couldn't help but feel a tinge of guilt for tying Josh up in the shed in the first place – they should have just stuck together until help arrived. Yes, Josh was unstable and falling more and more into his descent of madness and YES, Mike was completely and utterly convinced that Josh was solely responsible for Jess' death at that time but... after seeing those monsters...No. He knew that no one deserved that kind of ending.

Mike closed in on Sam. The athletic blonde was slowing down, for even the most fit person would have a hard time keeping up her stamina after a night they'd had. When he reached her she was hunched over with her hands on her knees, taking in deep, frantic breaths. She hadn't made it that far; Mike could still hear the chopper in the distance, still felt the wind cutting against his back.

"We'll tell the rescuers where he is," Mike gasped, out of breath, his hand finding her back comfortingly. "W-we'll even draw them a map, Sam, I don't care! You need to come back to the medics, we can't save him-"

"He's all _alone_ ," Sam said, and Mike could tell she was crying now. "Just like Hannah was," she added. Mike swallowed hard. "I couldn't save her, but I can _save_ him!" she cried. Mike grabbed a hold of her, and she was far too weak to fight him off now. He pulled her in for an embrace and she obliged, sobbing into his chest. He didn't say anything now, there was nothing he _could_ say. This was far deeper and complex than he could even begin to comprehend. "Josh..." he faintly heard her cry into his shirt. Mike felt his own tears forming as well, although he'd never let her see that.

"We have to go, now," he said, softer now. She shook her head feverishly into him, but still couldn't bring herself to pull away. Mike grabbed onto her, beginning to force her away from her spot in the woods.

"We can't leave him," she continued to ramble, continued to cry.

When they got back to the helicopter, the medics were helping the last of them into their seats. Sam kept glancing over her shoulder, praying to see Josh running up through the woods, making it to them just in time... instead there was only cold, quiet forest staring back at her, menacingly.

"Get in," Mike ordered, a firm grip on her arm to keep her from trying to run off again. Sam took in another sharp breath, her heart simply aching, as Josh never came running up the trail.

* * *

**March, 2014 –** _4_ _weeks after the twins' disappearance_

Sam hadn't been able to sleep again; this was nothing new. In the weeks since Hannah and Beth went missing, she'd barely slept at all. She couldn't get them out of her head, couldn't stop thinking about them. She knew that every week that passed just cemented the fact that they were never going to find the girls alive, and she couldn't stop wondering if they'd suffered... if they'd at least had one another to comfort each other as the end came.

She rolled to her side, staring out the window at the early spring rain rolling down the glass and washing everything clean. Below her window was her writing desk, a thick stack of books and papers piling up as she couldn't bring herself to attend classes. She'd been skipping more and more, and she knew it was just a matter of time before she was put on academic probation, maybe even sent home. Her adviser said she could apply for an emotional hardship pardon but she simply hadn't had the energy to as of yet.

_How long can you go without eating and still survive?_

Sam pulled a pillow over her head, hoping to drown out these thoughts. They weren't constructive, they weren't healthy. But how did one mourn someone who was only missing? Only _presumed_ dead?

Through the muffled-ness of the pillow, Sam heard a low buzz. She reached onto her nightstand and picked up her phone, flashing one new text message. She didn't have to read the name to know who it was.

_you up?_

Sam glanced at the time. 1:31 a.m. She briefly considered not writing back and trying to sleep, but she knew that never worked.

 _ **Sam:**_ _of course. U ok?_

Sam had barely sent the text when he responded, almost instantaneously.

_**Josh:** no._

_**Sam:** Another nightmare?_

_**Josh:** the same one._

Over the course of the last few weeks, Josh had confided in Sam that he'd been having a recurring nightmare about Hannah and Beth starving and freezing to death, their skin becoming gray and cold, their eyes sunken in. And in the dream they called for him, over and over and over again but he could never get to them. It had woken him in a cold sweat on a regular basis at this point, and he hadn't gotten solid sleep in weeks... she could relate.

Sam tapped the top of her phone with her index finger, softly biting her lip and pondering what to respond. What _could_ she respond? Before she got a chance, another text came through.

_**Josh:** Can I come over?_

Sam swallowed. This wouldn't be the first time she'd spent time with him in person since that night, but it was certainly the first time after midnight.

 _ **Josh:**_ _Open the door._

Sam felt her stomach drop. He was _here_? _Already_? She felt slightly indignant, offended that he would invite himself over to her dorm room in the middle of the night. She glanced down at her shorts and tank top, suddenly feeling exposed. She stood from her bed, quickly reaching onto her chair to pull a gray, zip-up hoodie from a pile and throwing it on.

" _Samantha_ ," she heard a harsh whisper from the door. She walked over, the floorboards creaking beneath her feet as she quietly cracked the door open. She peeked out at him, taken aback by what she saw. Josh was soaked from the rain, his gray eyes tired and somber...more-so than usual. He looked horrible, slightly leaning in towards the door as though his body was too exhausted to hold himself upright any longer. She opened the door more.

"What are you doing here? What if I had said no?" Sam whispered, only slightly huffy at this point. It was hard to be mad at him when he looked so vulnerable. A wry, tight smile spread across his lips.

"I knew you wouldn't," he responded. Sam sighed and opened the door the rest of the way, gesturing for Josh to enter. He glanced around the room, his hands shoved into his pockets. "So, this is where you sleep," Josh observed. "Or don't sleep, I guess."

"Josh, what are you doing here?" Sam asked, wrapping her arms around herself as she neared him.

"I didn't know where else to go," he retorted, rather vacantly. "I've been staying, you know, with my parents. And that house is so big and so...empty. They are barely present when they're around... always crying..." He paused, as if recollecting his thoughts and trying to figure out the answer to her question. _What was he doing here?_ "I don't want to freak you out or anything but... I don't really remember coming here," he chuckled. He looked so disoriented. Sam neared him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Josh, you're soaked. You need to take off that sweater," Sam insisted, walking over to her closet and pulling out a man's sweater to replace his. "Here, you can wear this one." Josh took the sweater in his hands, holding it up. It was a black men's sweater with a University of Calgary emblem on it. He tossed it aside on the bed, sitting down beside it.

"I don't want to wear your boyfriend's sweater," he said, a slight sulk in his voice. Sam chuckled, picking it back up and handing it back to him.

"Good, since it's my brother's," she replied. Josh smirked, pulling his wet sweater up and over his head, replacing it with the dry one. "Isn't that better?"

" _Much_ ," he admitted. Sam reached down and picked his wet sweater up, draping it over her desk chair to dry.

"Anything else I can do for you?" she asked, rhetorically. Her smile faded as her eyes met his, the heaviness beginning to weigh down upon them once more.

"Just...hang out with me?" he asked. It felt slightly desperate, as though the prospect of being alone was killing him. "Sam, I really can't be alone right now." Something in his eyes was more insistent, more urgent than she'd seen before. She nodded, sitting down beside him on the end of her bed.

"I'm here," she said quietly, and Josh leaned down, his head resting on her shoulder. Sam reached up, her hand finding his back once more as she began to rub comfortingly. "Have you been seeing your therapist?"

"It's not helping."

"It can't help if you don't go," Sam said, scolding. Josh didn't respond.

"Sam?"

"Yes Josh?"

"I wanted to...to thank you. Not just for being there for me recently but...for always being a good friend to Hannah. I know you tried to help her that night." It was a relief to Sam that Josh at least knew that she wasn't in on the horrible joke that the others had played on his sister. He'd barely spoken to any of them since it'd happened.

"I should have done more," Sam swallowed, her throat closing up and feeling tight, she knew she was near-tears at the mere mention of Hannah's name. She'd had her own anger towards the group, she could only imagine how betrayed and angry Josh had felt since that night.

"We _all_ could have," Josh finally said after a pause, his voice growing cold. Sam reached up her fingers grazing against his rain-slicked hair. He peered up again with those eyes, the ones that seemed to pull her in more and more lately. "Sam?"

"Yes Josh?" The repetitiveness of their exchange had become almost habitual for them.

_Sam?_

_Yes, Josh?_

He sat his head up slowly, his eyes darkening. There was something behind them now, something she'd never seen before. He suddenly looked so intense, so in control of himself.

"I want to try something," he murmured slowly, his hand reaching up for her cheek. It was hot, she could feel the blood rushing to it as she began to blush and her heartbeat quickened. It was suddenly very apparent what was happening, and it made her stomach do a flip flop. He began to slowly lean in towards her, his gaze never leaving hers.

" _Josh_ ," she tried, her voice low and warning. He hesitated, but only for a moment, before he ventured onward, his lips soon finding hers and pressing, lightly at first, and then more intensely as she sank into it. Sam tried hard to find the will to break the kiss, but the more it happened, the more she realized that she'd _wanted_ this to happen. Josh matched her in her pain, and she in his. It made sense that they would find solace in one another after...after...

Hannah's face flashed in Sam's mind, and it was shocking enough to jolt her away from him. Sam's hand snapped up to her freshly-kissed lips, her fingertips brazing over them.

"Sam, please," Josh said, his body still leaned in towards her. "I need to feel something, anything, other than this pain." He took her hands in his, turning her back towards him. "I know you need it, too. I want to be here for you, be here for each other," he plead, his eyes full of tears. "I miss them so much," he finally choked, his head falling into her chest as a sob erupted from him. Sam shushed him, hugging onto him and pulling him close. He was broken, and Sam wasn't so sure anything would ever put Josh back together again.

"Shh, Josh, it's _okay._ " Of course, she knew it wasn't. Nothing was okay. She reached down, cupping his cheeks in her hand and bringing his face to hers, planting a kiss upon his forehead, his teared cheek, his lips. His eyes popped open again, as did hers, both surprised at her sudden lack of inhibition. He fell into her once more, his lips finding hers feverishly as his hands quickly became entangled in his hair, her hands gripping onto him and pulling him closer. His lips found her neck, and Sam felt like she was falling. She was dizzy, intoxicated on the ability to feel something again, since she'd felt so numb, so _bad,_ for so long. Even still, she knew it wasn't the most constructive solution to their grief.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," Sam tried to say in breathless whispers. She felt Josh's frantic movements begin to slow, the cease altogether.

When they parted, they both seemed to be speechless this time, unsure if they should continue on to something they may regret or stop before everything changed. Josh sighed, scooting away from her a bit on the bed, suddenly looking very sheepish. He cleared his throat.

"You're right," Josh admitted, running an exasperated hand through his hair. "Uh, sorry." Sam smiled, chuckling a bit at his sudden timidity.

"I'm not," she retorted. Josh let a smile spread across his face, bigger than she'd seen in some time. It felt good to be responsible for it.

"So, you think we can do that again sometime?" he teased.

"I'd say you have a pretty good shot." Sam stretched, turning over and crawling towards the head of her bed, Josh watching after her. She leaned against the headboard, reaching a hand out towards him, beckoning him. "Come here," she insisted, her voice soft, low. Josh silently did as she said, crawling up beside her. Sam pulled him close, and Josh relished in the feeling of being held, laying his head on her chest and finally feeling like he could close his eyes. "Are you tired?" she asked through a yawn. A subtle snore was his response. And that was the first time in weeks that Josh had a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**9:00 a.m.** _Present Day_

The Blackwood County Police Station was quiet now as opposed to the frantic chaos of before, the waiting room draped with the sleeping teenagers after they'd been taken in one-by-one for questioning. They were almost free to go, but there was no way they could hold sleep off any longer. Emily snored, curled up in a chair, Matt hunched over in another nearby. Chris and Ashley lay snuggled up in an emergency blanket against the wall, and Jessica was still sleeping in a ball on the floor next to Mike, who mindlessly petted down her hair and stared off at nothing in particular.

The quiet light poured through the sole window, all the way at the end of a corridor that was lined with waiting chairs. Sam stood at the end, peering out at the red, morning sky stretched high above the pink snow and thick forest of trees. She still couldn't get Josh out of her head, the same way Beth and Hannah haunted her all this time.

It was different, this time. Losing Josh was like admitting her herself that Hannah and Beth were really gone. It made this last year seem like waking up from a horrible nightmare just to realize that it had come true.

Sam shivered, pulling the blanket snugly around her. Her eyes hurt from the tears, her throat felt raw. She was relieved that the authorities seemed to take her seriously, arranging a search party almost immediately after she told them to look in the mines. Her hope, however, was fading fast as she began to accept the fact that they would never find Josh alive.

"I'm surprised you're still awake." Sam was startled from her thoughts, but recognized the voice instantly as Mike handed her a paper cup of hot coffee. She stared down at the undissolved instant coffee grounds floating in a whirlpool across the top. She felt the faintest beginning of a polite smile on her lips, but she wasn't sure she had the energy to smile anymore.

"There's no way I could sleep," she mumbled softly. She relished in feeling of the hot cup in her hand.

"Me neither," Mike admitted, taking a sip of his coffee, wincing at the taste, then taking another.

"Thanks, by the way," Sam said, holding up the cup. Mike shrugged wordlessly. "Do you think they'll find him?" Sam asked before she had a chance to filter herself. Mike's brow furrowed, once again reminded of his crazy friend still out there...as if he could forget.

"I don't know," he said honestly. The question was, would they find him alive? And if so, in what state? He glanced over at Sam, who continued to stare out the window. He wished he could read her thoughts just so he knew how to help her. Sure, they were all sad about Josh, but it had become increasingly clear that his prank had made it hard for the others to feel so deeply moved by his demise. Sam, on the other hand, was truly mourning. Even Chris, who'd been Josh's very best friend, could sleep.

_So, why couldn't she?_

"I don't mean to sound flippant, and I'm sorry if this seems cold but... why do you care so much? Josh was insane. He could have killed all of us with his game. I didn't even know you guys were that _close_ ," Mike said, trying his best to not sound completely heartless. Sam understood. She turned towards an empty chair.

"We _weren't_ ," she spit out, then sighed, closing her eyes. "Then... we _were_ ," she added as she sat, embarrassment painting her face. "We never really told anyone...it was between him and I. But...after Hannah and Beth disappeared Josh and I...we got close."

"You mean..." Mike trailed off, assuming something romantic in nature between the two.

"No, not like that. Well, not _really._.."

" _What_?" Mike chuckled. "You and Josh?"

"It was complicated. Hannah was my best friend. When I was around Josh I guess I just felt close to her. And he really needed me...he told me that I was the only one who understood him. And I think in a lot of ways...I was."

"Did you know..."

"About the prank? _God_ no," Sam scoffed, her shoulders lowering. She brought a hand to her head; it was still warm from the coffee. "No, of course not. If I knew I would have stopped it," she assured. Mike sat beside Sam, his body aching as his muscles began to heal from all the exertion. He reached over, draping his arm over Sam's shoulder. She leaned her head down against him, her eyes finally fluttering closed.

"Did you love him?" she heard Mike ask, his voice suddenly feeling very far away. A small, weak smile parted her lips.

"Yeah," she said in almost a whisper. "In a way, I think I did."

* * *

_To be Continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next...  
> Chapter 2: When The Darkness Comes  
> Sam is having nightmares that are bleeding into reality.  
> In a flashback, Sam is regretful over their kiss, so Josh tries to be reassuring.


	2. When The Darkness Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: When The Darkness Comes  
> Sam is having nightmares that are bleeding into reality.  
> In a flashback, Sam is regretful over their kiss, so Josh tries to be reassuring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is something that I just HAVE to write. I've been super taken by the UD fandom and this simply will not leave my head. Finding it hard to factor in originality in this – it seems to have been done before and well! But this is my own personal imagining of the events after the game. More Sam/Josh flashbacks bleeding into present time. No endpoint in sight.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 2:**

_When The Darkness Comes_

* * *

**Josh Missing** _– Week One_

"Sam. _Saaaaaam_." Sam stirred as the quiet, continual sound of her name awoke her. She groaned, still in that strange state of being half-asleep and half-awake and not really differentiating the two realms. It was hard to pull herself out of her sleep – since she'd been home she'd been so restless that her doctor gave her some Ambien just to get her through those nights. "Samantha, wake up."

"Josh, stop it. I'm trying to sleep," she mumbled groggily into her pillow as the voice began to match a face in her mind. He could never sleep – in fact, Sam was almost certain that _most_ of their friendship consisted of Josh waking her up on a regular basis.

_Then she remembered._

Sam jerked herself awake, propping herself up onto her elbow. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and blinked over and over, trying to get her eyes to adjust to the dark.

" _Hello_?" she said quietly, but there was no response, only silent darkness. "Josh?" she asked, flatly, instantly realizing how crazy she sounded. Of course it wasn't Josh, the searchers hadn't found him yet and given the size of those mines, she was fairly certain they never would. She took in a deep breath, falling back into her pillow – she felt like she was going insane.

"You snore, you know." Sam's eyes popped back open, and she was startled to see Josh sitting at the end of her bed, his same half-smirk that she'd become accustomed to. He seemed to glow in the moonlight.

" _Josh_!" Sam gasped, jumping up from her blankets to wrap her arms around him tightly. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and before she knew it, hot tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I was so worried about you!" she cried. She felt as though her heart might burst.

"It's okay," she heard him quietly mutter into her ear. She took in his scent; she couldn't believe he was _really_ here.

"We thought the wendigo got you…" she said in a relieved breath, but then everything became eerily quiet.

_Silent_.

Josh suddenly felt _different_ … his warm presence dissipated to the point of feeling nearly lifeless in her arms. Slowly, all of the hair on her arms and the back of her neck stood up – something felt… _wrong_. So, so very wrong. Sam felt Josh's body shudder beneath her, a low, menacing growl rumbling from an indiscernible place. "J-Josh?" she stuttered, afraid to pull away but even more afraid to hold on any longer.

Terrified, Sam loosened her grip, pulling herself away from him ever so slowly. What she saw when she looked at him this time made her mouth run dry. She wanted to scream but nothing would come out. There he was, but it wasn't Josh anymore. His eyes were cloudy, his lips receding to give way to a mouth full of sharp, plentiful teeth. He still had the features that made him identifiable as Josh Washington, but he was half transformed - half wendigo.

Sam slowly began to creep backwards towards the head of her bed, trying not to make a sound as he just stared at her with those dead eyes. He emitted another low, faint snarl.

"J-Josh… _don't_. It's me," she whispered, her voice losing any volume at the end of her sentence. He stood and he seemed like he was 7 feet tall, towering over the small, frightened girl. "Please," she choked.

Without warning, Josh lunged towards her, his claws drawing up straight towards her neck. Sam turned to brace herself, a scream tearing out from her diaphragm and then…

_Nothing. Cold, still silence._

Sam opened her eyes, turning to see an empty room.

Had she imagined it? Had she dreamt it? She had no idea. Her pulse continued to race, her palms sweaty and her face hot. She felt that she was too scared to move, but still, she jumped from her bed. Sam instantly fell to her knees upon the floor to peer under her bed for any sign of him, but he was nowhere to be found.

_He was gone._

Sam pressed her face into the carpeting of her old bedroom, her body breaking out into sobs. On one hand, she was still utterly terrified of that hallucination or nightmare or… _whatever_ it was.

On the other hand, her empty heart ached because for just a moment she could still smell him… he was _there._

' _Get it together, Sam''_ she thought to herself, harshly. ' _It was only a dream. Get up._ '

"I _can't_ ," she cried aloud, the pain in her chest pressing down violently upon her. As the tears poured from her eyes, she realized that she'd never cried like this before. _This_... this was pain. Because of the lack of closure with Hannah and Beth's disappearance, Sam had never truly mourned for her friends but now that she knew what was down there...now that she knew what happened to them... what happened to Josh.

Another cry tore through her as she tried in vain to get the image out of her head – Josh being taken deep into the mines and ripped apart. She couldn't believe something so horrible could happen to someone she cared so deeply for and that there was nothing she could do.

" _Sam, get up._ " This time it was his voice, although she knew he wasn't really there. Still, it seemed to be enough calm her and with a bit of internal strength that she didn't even know she had left, Sam rolled over and weakly got up. She turned, walking over to her vanity and to look in the mirror at her sad, hopeless reflection. She looked like she'd aged years in the short time since the incident at the Washington lodge. Her cuts and bruises were healing, but she knew that internally she had a long recovery to go. She sniffled, picking up a tissue and wiping her nose, her eyes. She cleared her throat and took in a jagged breath, trying to get her heart rate to slow. She was about to turn to walk back to her bed when she glanced down at her phone on her dresser. It was illuminated, as if she'd just gotten a text or call, but the sound had been off. She looked to her alarm clock, the big angry red numbers showing 3:13 am.

She dragged her tired feet to her dresser, picking up her phone and staring at the alert:

_One Missed Call – Josh_

Sam's hands immediately began to shake, her breathing staggered as she hurriedly tried to call Josh's phone back, only for it to immediately connect straight to his voicemail with no ring.

"Hey, it's Josh. _You_ know what to do." Sam had to admit, hearing his voice for real felt... horrible. Unreal. She timidly pulled up her messages and opened the last one she'd received from Josh only a week and a half ago:

_**Josh:** I understand if you don't but... it would mean a lot to me if you came, Sam. I've missed you. We don't have to talk about it, any of it. We can pretend it never happened just... just come._

She paused, her fingers hovering a bit before she hesitantly before she typed a short message.

**Sam:** Where are you?

Suddenly, her phone buzzed in her hand, startling her so much that she almost dropped it in her excitement.

_One New Voicemail_

* * *

**Late March, 2014** – _7 weeks after the twins' disappearance_

Sam jerked in her seat, startled by the loud * _dingggg*_ of her cell phone. She glanced around, a bit embarrassed, as the loud sound rang through the crowded but hushed library.

_**Josh:** You snore, you know..._

She avoided a few rude glances and turned off the sound just before another message came through.

_**Josh:** r u avoiding me?_

Sam sighed audibly, clicking her cell phone screen to black and setting the phone down on the table in front of her with a _thud_ – she ignored the glare from the irritated guy next to her at the big, oak table. She gazed back down at the opened encyclopedia in front of her, hoping to finally – _finally_ \- be able to concentrate enough on her sociology project. School was now becoming a more welcoming distraction since she'd decided to give it a shot and raise her grades before she flunked out of college.

Still, that phone sat in front of her, beckoning her. She pushed it further away, wishing things could just go back to how they were before that night – the night she and Josh had let their feelings for one another spill over onto their friendship.

It wasn't that Sam didn't _like_ Josh like _that_ – he was her best friend's big brother. She'd reckoned she'd had a thing for Josh since she was ten-years-old and the Washington's decided to let their kids enroll into public school. She met Hannah first, of course, and they hit it off over her Lisa Frank pencil box and swapping Capri-suns for Sunny-D at lunch.

But the first night Sam went over for a sleepover at the Washington's was the first time she'd ever met the dark-haired boy. Barely older than the girls, she felt like he might have been the coolest person she'd ever met. He was allowed to watch PG-13 movies and liked listening to bands that her parent's wouldn't.

"Do you have a crush on Josh?" Beth had said teasingly after she had caught Sam peeking over at him frequently during a Saturday night screening of Nightmare on Elm Street – something that none of them had permission to do, but Josh had insisted. First, he made Sam promise that she wouldn't tell. Next, he made her promise that she wouldn't get too scared – both of which she kept.

" _Ew_!" Hannah gasped, covering her face in mortification. Sam felt her cheeks grow hot as she embarrassedly grabbed her pillow, setting it on her lap and hugging onto it.

" _What_? No," she said, her voice cracking a bit.

"That's so gross," Beth gagged, she and her sister falling into a fit of laughter.

"Stop! I said I _don't_ , okay?" Sam snapped.

"Good. He's _so_ weird," Hannah giggled. "I mean, we love him. But he's our brother. We _have_ to love him."

And it was never brought up again. Sam made it a point to limit her interactions with Josh – although for some reason deep inside she knew that Hannah and Beth would take no issue with Sam and Josh growing so close in their absence, and she knew that other than typical sibling rivalry aside the girls both thought their brother hung the moon, something about it still felt forbidden.

_**Josh:** Did I do something wrong?_

Sam sighed once more, feeling guiltier and guiltier as each day passed by and she gave him such little attention. She hesitantly reached out, picking up her phone in her hand and for some reason it just felt so heavy. Her thumbs hovered over the keyboard, trying to figure out what to say to him.

_**Sam:** of course not… sorry. Just a lot of schoolwork to catch up on._

She was only partially lying – she did have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on – but in this instance she felt like it was necessary to protect his feelings. He was so fragile now, so vulnerable. How did she tell him that she was scared that the night at her dorm was a mistake? How did she tell him that she already lost two friends, she would never want to lose him, too? Because it's one thing when you're friends… things were never going to be the same for Sam and Josh and she _knew_ it.

_**Josh:** oh. I understand. Need any help?_

_**Sam:** Thanks, but this is something I have to do on my own. _

_**Josh:** Ah. Gotcha. _

Sam paused, biting onto her lip nervously. She knew that wasn't the response he was hoping for, but she was truly at a loss.

_**Josh:** You feel very far away. _

That's what she was afraid of.

_**Sam:** I'm still here, though. Whenever you need me._

_**Josh:** I need you now._

Sam exhaled, her heart beginning to thump in her chest – she both loved and hated the way it felt. She'd put this off for almost two weeks; it was bound to happen eventually.

_**Josh:** Please. Can I see you?_

Sam stared at the words, reading them over and over again. How could she say no? If she wasn't there for him, who else did he have? Josh wasn't exactly on talking terms with most the group and his parents were too busy mourning. In a lot of ways, Sam was all he had.

_**Sam:** Where and when?_

_**Josh:** Here. My parent's house. Now._

* * *

**Josh Missing** _– Week Two_

"C-can't you trace it or-or _something_? Get a ping on his location?" Sam begged Detective Roland of the Blackwood County Police Department. He held his ear to her cell phone, listening to Josh's garbled message for the fourth time.

"I'm sorry you came out all this way, Miss, but I'm afraid I don't hear what you're talking about. It all just sounds like static to me," he shrugged a bit, handing the phone back to her. She glanced down at her phone, then back at him, her mouth agape. "I don't want to deter you from trying to help, we appreciate all of your cooperation, but-"

"Detective Roland, it was _him_! I _heard_ him. It was bits and pieces but I heard him call out for me!" Sam insisted, pushing to phone back towards the tall, tired-looking man. "Here, listen again, I-"

"Listen, Samantha. It _couldn't_ have been from Joshua."

"How do you _know_ that?" He sighed deeply, looking back at her pained face reluctantly. She could tell he was holding back, but she wanted to know. "Please, just tell me." He nodded, somberly, leaning forwards and clasping his hands on his desk.

"We found Josh's cell phone and placed it into evidence three days after you all reported him missing…and it was dead. No one would have been able to make a call on it to you." Sam shook her head; she couldn't believe that. It just didn't make any _sense_.

"Then why did this voice mail come from _his_ number?" Sam challenged, her eyes beginning to fill with hot, frustrated tears.

"Probably just some fluke with the phone. I will see if I can find any answers for you, but I can assure you that phone has been in an evidence room in a box for the last week and a half." Sam nodded, solemnly. He continued to watch her, his face softening. She looked a mess, and he wished he could say something, anything, to give the girl hope but in all his years, especially after failing to retrieve the Washington sisters, situations like this had always been bleak. "I hate that I even have to say this to you, but... don't you be getting any ideas running off into those mines. I can assure you I have my best men down there looking for him. And now the snow is beginning to melt, so it's becoming more and more icy and dangerous. I don't want to plan another search and rescue when it comes to you guys, you hear me?" Sam nodded again, obediently.

"Yes, sir," she quietly responded.

"We'll get to the bottom of this. You have my word."

* * *

**Late March** **2014** – _7 weeks after the twins' disappearance, (cont.)_

Sam's old Ford pulled up to the gate of the Washington estate. It was just as grand and towering as the Washington Lodge, but impeccably landscaped. It was dark now, and she couldn't help but hold back an involuntary shudder.

Sam hadn't been to the Washington's since before Hannah and Beth went missing, and even then she'd only been here a handful of times. Just as Sam reached out to press the intercom button, the gate suddenly lurched open with a loud, metallic grind. She placed her hands on the steering wheel, unsure of what tonight had in store for her. She pressed lightly on the gas, slowly creeping up the long, winding driveway.

Sam was going to have to tell Josh why she'd been avoiding him, and she was afraid that he wasn't going to be strong enough to handle the rejection while he was already going through so much. She hated to add on to that strife, but she couldn't keep seeing him like this as her feelings became more and more confusing. She wanted to be a good friend to him, but she was afraid that her new feelings would complicate things.

But _were_ they new feelings?

When Sam actually allowed herself to think about it, she knew that there'd always been a chemistry between them... a _connection_. But was now the right time to explore that? While they were both so broken and devastated over the events that were still so fresh in their minds?

She pulled up beside his black Jeep, shutting off the engine. She'd taken the long way, hoping that the right words would come to her on the way... and yet all she could think about was that night and how it felt to be wrapped up in him. She tried to shake it away but it was ever-prominent on her mind these days.

Sam got out, walking up to the huge, double doors. The doorstep was glowing with the luminosity of the porch lights, but it still felt so eerily dim to her. She pulled onto the knocker, listening to the loud thud of the iron against the hollow wood of the door. It echoed, and she waited for an answer.

Moments passed and Sam was still outside feeling increasingly uneasy. Josh had said he needed her, had she taken too long? Had something seriously been wrong? She tried the knocker again, then the doorbell. Still – nothing.

She looked down at her phone, no further messages from Josh than the ones she'd read at the library. She put her phone to her ear as she pressed call, the ringing feeling endless with no answer.

"Hey, it's Josh. _You_ know what to do."

For a very short second she'd thought about just getting into her car and leaving, but the part of her that was worried for her friend took over, and without thinking her hand boldly grabbed onto the handle of the door to see if it was unlocked.

_It was – of course it was._

Sam pushed the huge door open, peeking her head inside.

" _Hello_ ," she called out, nervous that the Washingtons would be caught off guard with her presence. It didn't seem like anyone other than Josh was home, but with a house and garage so huge one could never be totally sure. "Josh?" she hollered with no response. She took in a sharp breath and stepped inside.

The house was sprawling, multiple open rooms stemming off of a huge entryway. She took a few steps in and peered into the living room. Everything was tidy and in its place, only a few lights on here and there to illuminate her way. She swallowed hard, feeling tense as she ventured further into the mansion.

"Josh, where are you?" she asked aloud, her voice echoing off of the walls and traveling throughout the house. " _Great_ ," she muttered to herself under her breath. She set down her bag, continuing on. She entered a dining room to find mail strewn about, a checkbook, as though someone had been in there balancing finances. Nothing seemed to be out of place, although she did find herself lingering at a huge family portrait above the fireplace, Hannah and Beth's haunting, frozen smiles reflecting back at her.

In the distance, Sam could hear screaming. She felt her blood run cold, her fear beginning to overtake her.

"Josh?" she yelled out this time. Her instincts told her to leave, as that was the smart thing to do, but suddenly Sam realized that Josh really might be in trouble. She reached down to the fireplace, grabbing a hold of a heavy, metal poker and gripping it tightly in her hands. "Josh if this is a joke it's not funny!"

She began to walk towards the yelling, seeing light pour from a room at the end of the hallway. She continued forward, unsure just how on earth she was finding the courage. She reached forward, pushing the door open.

"Josh," she tried again, her hands fiercely clutching the metal weapon. When the room finally came into full view, she saw what appeared to be an old horror movie on a giant screen. She recognized this room as the media room from the couple times the Washington kids had hosted movie nights, and the volume was deafeningly loud. She peered over at the couch to see that the room appeared to be empty before she felt a hand on her shoulder. Sam screamed, hurling the poker around and nearly swiping a surprised and dripping wet Josh.

"Whoa there, easy!" he yelled out. Sam stomped her foot angrily, dropping the poker to the ground.

" _Damnit_ Josh!" she yelled. She took a breath and stared at him, standing before her in only a towel.

"I'm sorry!" he hollered back over the viscous sounds of a movie victim being sawed in half. He jumped forward, grabbing a hold of the remote and hitting mute. Sam's ears rung from the sudden quiet. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I was in the shower," he explained. Her eyes trailed to his exposed torso, then embarrassedly back to his face.

"You scared the hell out of me," she said through gritted teeth, hauling her fist back and hitting a soft punch to his shoulder. He chuckled a bit, reaching down and picking up fire poker. He examined it in his hand before glancing up at her through a raised eyebrow.

"What were you expecting to do with this?" he teased. She grabbed it, yanking it out of his hands.

"I'm considering still using it to bash your head in," she joked, her heartbeat finally beginning to steady itself.

"Well," Josh said indignantly, crossing the room. "Maybe if you'd have gotten here like two hours ago when I asked, I wouldn't have been in the shower."Once again, Sam's eyes fell to his half-naked body. She'd never seen him like this, save for maybe their senior pool party, but she'd never been this close. Josh noticed her, noticing him, and the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smug smile. "See something you like?" Sam chuckled, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"Could you _please_ put on some clothes, I can't talk to you when you're like this."

"I know. It's distracting how gorgeous I am, huh?"

"Yeah, that's it," she responded with an exaggerated eye roll. Sam then remembered what she needed to talk to him about, and it suddenly seemed so hard. Being around him was too fluid, too easy. She hated the idea of changing that. Josh disappeared into a room adjacent to the theater room for a few moments, and Sam's eyes wandered to the muted movie screen. A stupid teenager being sawed in half by a masked murderer. She scoffed at Josh's awful taste in movies.

"How can you watch this crap?" she wondered aloud.

" _What_?! This is cinematic gold," he called out to her. The door reopened and Josh walked out in a t-shirt and a worn pair of jeans, zipping up a hoodie as he neared her. "Corn syrup, lighting, music... that's all you need to make the perfect horror movie."

"You're demented," Sam jested, her hand reaching up to ruffle his wet, unruly hair. They stood quietly for a moment, and Sam cleared her throat. "What did you need me here for?" she asked. Josh shrugged.

"I told you, I don't want to be alone," he responded simply, hopping up and over the back of the couch before nestling down onto a cushion. He looked up at her before patting the empty area beside him. Sam folded her arms, shaking her head.

" _Seriously_? You're unbelievable..." she grumbled before walking around the couch and plopping down next to him. She left a decent amount of space, still uncertain just what his intentions were with her anymore.

"Seriously," he laughed. "My parents are at the lodge... some kind of renovation emergency. I think they are just having a hard time being here. I think they want to be close to... uh..." His words trailed off, but he didn't have to finish.

"Why didn't you go?" she asked. Josh leaned his head on the back of the couch, staring at her though heavy lids.

"Being back at that lodge is literally the last place I want to be," he said, his voice droning and sad once again. Josh's hand reached out for hers. She let him take it. He pressed his palm to hers before interlacing their fingers. Sam took in a sharp breath, unable to deny the electricity when her eyes met his icy ones.

"Josh, about last time...in my dorm-"

"Sam, I know you've been wanting to have this conversation since that night but... could we not?" he plead. Sam opened her mouth to speak, but then nothing came out. She nodded wordlessly. "I like you," he finally said after a moment. "Do you like me, Sam?" She didn't have time to answer before he uttered, "because I think you do. You like me, don't you?" His voice hitched, cracking on the last syllable, his insecurities laid out for her to see. Sam could feel her walls tumbling down.

"I _like_ you," she whispered. Josh leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, and this time she let them linger. He pulled away, his thumb brushing against her cheek briefly.

" _Good_ ," he said quietly. "Then let's not worry too much about what this is for now, okay?"

"...Okay," she breathed.

This time, she leaned in first.

* * *

_To be continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next...  
> Chapter 3: Be Here Now  
> Summary:  
> Sam has coffee with Mike and shows him the voicemail. She can't, however, find it in her to attend a get together with the rest of the friends.  
> In the past, Josh makes a startling confession and Sam feels overwhelmed trying to help him through his medication withdrawal.


	3. Be Here Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: Be Here Now  
> Summary:  
> Sam has coffee with Mike and shows him the voicemail. She can't, however, find it in her to attend a get together with the rest of the friends.  
> In the past, Josh makes a startling confession and Sam feels overwhelmed trying to help him through his medication withdrawal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for the views, guys! I read Josh's file in the game, stating that he'd been on and off different anti-depressants and what those withdrawal symptoms would be before his BIG evaluation by Dr. Hill. I'm trying to make this fic as canon as possible, so the timeline is a little odd now. That said, I don't have a set endpoint to this fic, I've just been letting it come to me as it does. Some parts are easier to write than others. Either way, I hope y'all will continue to read and offer support/ideas/reviews/whatever! It is truly, undeniably appreciated.

**CHAPTER 3:**

 

_Be Here Now_

* * *

**Early April 2014 _-_** _Two Months after the twin's disappearance_

_"I like you... do you like me?"_

Josh hovered over the porcelain toilet bowl, his forehead resting against the seat. He'd been sick for hours, and Sam was completely at a loss for how to help him, so she simply sat beside him, her hand rubbing his shoulder, soothingly. He hiccuped suddenly and Sam braced herself for another round, but then nothing happened.

"Are you going get sick again?" she asked after a moment in almost a whisper. He peered over at her, his eyes tired and half-lidded. He shook his head weakly.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "Sam, it's past three in the morning, you need to get to bed you've got class in the morning," he slurred.

"It's fine," she said, shielding a yawn. "That's what coffee is for. Besides, I wouldn't be sleeping anyway..." she added. Josh leaned back, taking in a staggered breath as he leaned against the wall beside her. She handed him a tissue and he used it to wipe his mouth. "Are you sure it wasn't something you ate?" she asked, her voice full of concern. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back.

"No, I think it's the Phenelzine," he suggested. "I've only been on it for the last two weeks..." Sam nodded vacantly. She thought back on the week he'd come to her dorm. He'd been plagued with those dreams about Hannah and Beth, so much so that he'd ended up in the hospital for a few days, but he'd never talked to her about it. She'd wondered what had happened, why he'd had to go to get evaluated, but she'd decided that unless he felt like opening up to her about it, she'd better not pry – too many questions seemed to fluster him, and she didn't want to send him off the deep end. Her job, she'd figured, was the listen, offer comfort and support. In all honesty, sometimes she wondered if taking care of him was just a welcome distraction from her own mourning process.

"Are you having any other side affects?" she managed to ask, hoping he'd at least let her know how else she could help him. He opened his eyes, glancing at her sideways with those gray, sad eyes. It was hard to keep up with Josh's ever-changing mood swings. It had only been two weeks since Josh asked Sam to come to the Washington Estate, where they sat on his couch and decided that they wouldn't put a label on what exactly was going on between them. The rest of that night was light,  _fun_  even. It was nice to be with him when he was on an emotional upswing, but she knew him well and knew that those moments came as fast as they went. She'd take him either way, though.

"Um...I mean. There's the dizziness. Vomiting. Insomnia... although I already had  _that_  to begin with. Sometimes my vision gets a little blurry or I just kinda zone out like a zombie," he paused, his face becoming thoughtful. "I haven't developed a craving for brains, though. So, that's good..." Sam smirked. She loved that even when Josh was in a depressive state, he still managed to keep his sense of humor that she adored.

"Are you sure it's the right medicine for you?" she suggested, back to seriousness. She knew it wasn't her place to be questioning Josh's psychiatrist. Josh didn't talk about his sessions with Dr. Hill too often, but he seemed to like the doctor and he usually left therapy in a better mood.

"It's kinda weird... I know I need the meds. Like, I  _know_  I do but... they make me feel so fucking numb sometimes and I wonder... like... if I would rather feel the pain than feel nothing at all?" Josh mused. Sam reached over, taking his hand in hers. She couldn't completely understand, although she truly wanted to. She wished she had a pill to take to elevate the pain she felt since February.

"I wish I could feel numb..." Sam mumbled, tracing lines in his palms. He turned towards her, his face grave.

"No, Sam. You don't, I promise you."She believed him. He had experience with both. And yet, he still wanted to be around her, to let her in to the way his mind worked. Sam couldn't figure out just what it was about  _her_  that had caused Josh to take solace in her. Maybe it was because, other than Chris, Sam was the only one of his friends that hadn't participated in the prank that had lead to the events that night.

The hardest part, Sam found, was that to maintain her own life and sanity, she couldn't be there for Josh  _every_  moment that he needed her. She'd glance down at her phone in the middle of class to see three missed calls, excuse herself to the restroom to listen to voice mail after voice mail of Josh mad in his grief. She couldn't carry it all on her own shoulders, but she tried. He was worth it.

The result, of course, was Sam ending up at Josh's house with pizza or Chinese takeout just about every night. On the nights she tired to take space, to get her head on straight, Josh would inevitably end up at her dorm, anyway. Sam would hear the light rapping at the door before she would groggily get out of bed, let him in – she wouldn't have been sleeping, either. But then he'd wordlessly walk in, place a soft kiss on her forehead and they'd get into her small, twin bed and at least pretend to drift off.

However, Sam could tell the difference between when Josh was pretending to sleep versus when he was just there to ensure that he wasn't alone. His breathing would slow, he'd slightly snore, and then the nightmares would come. He stopped telling her what happened in them, and she figured if he wanted to tell her he would. She'd just wait for him to startle himself awake, roll over and pull her in close to him, just comforted by her mere presence. Just happy that he didn't have to be alone.

Sam smiled as she reflected on these things, the feeling of warmth in her heart just exaggerated as Josh leaned his head onto her shoulder. She reached up absently, placing her hand on his clammy cheek. She turned, pressing a small kiss into his hair before sighing and then...

"I tried to kill myself." He said it so quietly and low, she almost wasn't sure if she'd heard him right. Her smile faded as she let the words seep in, her heart beginning to ache once more for him.

" _What_?" she asked in a hiss "When?"

"A few nights before I came to visit you at your dorm that first time. That's why I had to switch my meds. They said that they weren't working..." he confessed. Sam let out all the air in her lungs. She didn't know why he was telling her this now, but she was glad that he was.

"Oh my God, Josh..."

"I-I just wanted the nightmares to stop. I just wanted my brain to be quiet for one goddamn minute," he continued morosely, Sam listening in stunned silence. He paused, swallowed. "So...I took my dad's shotgun out of his cabinet. I loaded it with a bullet... the thing is, I got a whole box of bullets but then I remembered that I was only going to  _need_  one," he said with a sort of demented chuckle – Sam didn't think anything about it was funny. She felt her eyes fill with tears at the very thought of him in that kind of state. She'd seen him low...but never like  _that._  "I went back and forth for a while. I just wanted everything to stop but... Sam, I don't want to die," his voice cracked. She carefully reached for his face, turning it towards her. She stared into his eyes, green met gray.

"You're not going to die, Josh. Don't you  _ever_  do something like that again. I am  _begging_  you," she said very slowly, sternly. "If you ever feel like that again you call 911 o-or Chris or you come to me." He clenched his jaw, looking away from her ashamedly.

"That's what I've been doing," he murmured. Sam felt a tear spill over, streaking down her cheek. She wiped it away, realizing that Josh was far worse than she'd originally thought. Suddenly she felt so small. What could she really do for him other than just  _be_  there? Was it enough? "Plus I mean... when I'm with you, I don't really think about that kinda stuff," he added sweetly, pressing small kisses onto her shoulder.

"I'm not going to be able to be around all the time," she choked, as if she'd only just realized that couldn't save him. She could help, but Josh had a long road of recovery and he had to do it himself, as well. "You have to keep taking your meds and seeing your therapist. I can only offer you  _this_ ," Sam whispered, feeling the weight of the world resting heavily on her shoulders.

"You give me  _so_  much more than you know."

Sam didn't care that he still had vomit on his breath. That deserved a kiss.

* * *

**Josh Missing –** _Week 2 (cont)_

Mike sat across from Sam at a small, cafe table. He pressed her phone to his ear almost painfully, his finger in the other to down out excess noise. Sam studied his face, twisted into a look of pure concentration, confusion, as he tried in vain to hear the distorted, muffled voice mail on her phone.

First, there was a crackling sound, followed by what seemed to be a shriek. Faintly, one could possibly make out the sound of a voice, not unlike Josh's, calling out to Sam. Soon, however, there was ruffling, mumbling... words like ' _don't_ ' and ' _please,_ ' – and possibly ' _stay away,_ ' however that last one was debatable. Then there was a loud, metallic screech before the call cut out.

" _Well_?" Sam asked, her eyebrows pulled together in concern. "Am I  _crazy?"_

"I heard his voice," Mike admitted, looking down at the phone in his hands in disbelief. "I mean...I  _think_  I did. But... I don't know," He seemed distraught, as though he couldn't piece together exactly what it was he'd just listened to. "But...You say that they  _found_  his cell phone?"

"Yeah, three days after he went missing! It just doesn't make sense..." Mike said nothing as he set her cellphone on the table, sliding it back over to her. He eyed her for a moment, and Sam felt uneasy under his stare. She hadn't been taking care of herself too well. She'd noticed that she looked tired and worn, lately. It was hard when her brain was in such a fog. She couldn't stop thinking about Josh, couldn't stop hoping that her phone would ring and someone would be on the other line to tell her that they'd found him, that he was okay.

"Have you been sleeping, Sam?" Mike finally asked. She nervously fidgeted with her napkin in front of her, tearing off a corner as she avoided eye contact.

"No, not really," she finally said, her voice hushed and dry. "I see him every time I close my eyes," she admitted. Mike leaned forward, wiping his face with his hands exhaustively.

"Yeah. I haven't been sleeping either."

"I've been having nightmares. I... I can't seem to tell them apart from reality. They are so real, Mike. It's like one moment he's there, sitting with me and the next he's... he's changed into one of th-those...  _things._  And when I wake up I feel like I was never asleep." Mike brought his coffee to his lips, taking a small sip before setting it down on the table. "But there's something so much worse than that." Sam's felt the tears forming, and for once she let them fall freely. "Sometimes, I wake up and I forget that he's down there. I forget that he's gone. And then...I remember. And it's like I have to mourn him over and over and over again," she sniffled, picking up her rumpled napkin and wiping her nose.

Sam knew that Mike had no idea what to say – there was nothing he could say. People mourned in different ways, and although Josh and Mike were friends, Sam suspected that Mike was still having a hard time sympathizing for Josh after putting us all in that danger in the first place. Still... she didn't blame him. Mike wasn't there that year with Josh, he didn't have the same connection. Sam fell forward, laying her head down in her arms on the table.

"And I'm so tired but... I just can't turn off my brain. It's... it's torture." Sam thought for a moment – was this how Josh felt when he would come to her dorm? Back when they'd been seeing each other? She couldn't help but feel like she could finally relate to him... but now it was too late for all of that.

"I've been thinking about going into the mines a lot, lately," Mike said plainly. Sam popped her head back up quickly and she could tell he had regretted it as soon as he'd said it.

"Are you crazy?" she said, her voice a squeak. He held up both hands in surrender.

"I won't, I won't," he assured. Sam wanted to tell him that she'd thought about it, too.  _Often._  They knew where the wendigos took the bodies, they knew where they'd seen Josh last. If they could only get down there and follow the signs...

_But, no._

It was far too dangerous. The fear inside Sam was that eventually, she was going to go so crazy with grief that she'd end up down there anyway. If she did, she'd already decided she would do it alone. If she did, she would have no intentions of ever making it out again unless it was with Josh.

"Jess texted me," Sam mentioned, changing the subject. For one moment, she wanted to remember what it was like to have a  _normal_  conversation with a friend. She knew it was just a temporary relief from the sadness and the madness, but for a few moments it was nice to pretend like things were... normal. Mike groaned.

"How'd I know  _that_  was going to come up, eventually?"

"Why'd you do it, Mike?" Sam probed. He shook his head, leaning back in his chair casually.

"Do we really have to go into this?" Sam shrugged slightly.

"You're right. We can just go back to talking about other fun stuff. Like the fact that our some of our best friends are dead, our friends that are still alive have post-traumatic stress disorder or... Oh! How about that one of our friends was transformed into a mythical beast and tried to kill us all? Is that a good conversation piece for you?" Perhaps if Sam hadn't been so sleep-deprived her dry humor wouldn't have come across so shrill, but she figured that if anyone could take the punch, it would have been Mike.

_Well, Josh used to get it._

Sam was glad to be out with Mike, though. They'd really bonded over the events at the mountain. Between the two of them, they'd really worked together to be brave and lead their friends to safety – although both of them would admit that it would have been for nothing if Emily had never called the helicopter from the towers.

"Mike, for  _one_  minute, I'd like to talk about something menial. Like your short-lived, epic failure of a relationship. Is that too much to ask?" she almost whispered. Mike nodded, solemnly. "Why'd you do it?" He thought for a moment; it seemed as though he were trying to pick the right words out of thin air to answer such a complex question.

"Jess was...  _amazing._  She's a great girl. I care about her so much..." he began, his words trailing off. Sam raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms in front of her.

" _But._.."

"But... I don't  _know_ ," Mike chuckled. "It's really odd. It's like... after you come that close to death, it makes you realize that life is too short to be dicking around." There was a hint of sadness as he explained, pausing to take a sip of his water. "Don't get me wrong, please. I care so much about Jessica and I am so glad she's alive it's just... I guess I never saw things with Jess as long term and when you've been through something like that it just makes you think... what's the point?"

"I get it," Sam offered, although she was quite certain that Jessica's perception of the whole ordeal had only bonded her even  _more_  to Mike, and she was fairly certain that Jessica was devastated at Mike's sudden dissolving of their new and budding relationship. Still, life is too short to spend with someone you don't feel that way about... you never know when it could all just end.

Mike checked his phone, noting the time.

"I gotta run, but... I'll see you tonight, right?" he asked, standing from his chair and grabbing his jacket. "It's at Chris' house, you know how to get there, right?" Sam forced a tight smile, nodding.

"I'll see you tonight."

* * *

 **Mid April 2014**  –  _Two Months after the twin's disappearance_

"Thanks for coming," Sam breathed a sigh of relief after opening the door to the Washington Estate.

"I came as soon as I could," Chris replied quickly, staring past her into the house, anxiously. "I-is he in there?" Sam nodded, opening the door even wider to let Chris in. He pushed past her, stepping into the marbled floor of the foyer. " _What's_  going on?"

"I-I dunno, everything was fine but then he started acting kind of funny. One moment he's present and clear and the next he's not making any sense. I can't get ahold of Bob or Melinda, I think Josh said that they're in LA at some actor's guild thing..." she said, wrapping her arms around herself in a form of self-soothing. "Usually I can kind of talk him down when he gets upset but this is... this is totally different. I've never seen him like this." Chris stared back at her, his eyes narrowed with confusion painting his face.

" _Usually_? How often do you guys even hang out?" he asked, brushing past her. It was more out of pure curiosity, but still Sam felt her cheeks pinken, avidly avoiding answering that question. No one knew that she and Josh had literally spent every waking (and sleep-deprived) moment together since the beginning of April, and she didn't plan on telling anyone any time soon. It didn't matter, however, as Chris moved on to the more important questions. "What do you mean acting kind of funny?"

That was yet another question that Sam didn't have to answer, for as soon as they entered the living room, Chris caught sight of Josh, staring blankly and ever-so-slightly rocking himself on the couch. He gave Sam a nervous glance, unsure just what exactly he needed to do.

"Have you ever seen him like this?" Sam whispered. Chris swallowed, hard, and shook his head. Then, he plastered on a fake smile, walking over to Josh and having a seat on the ottoman in front of him.

"Heeeeey, buddy. How's it goin', man?" Chris asked. Josh's irises flickered over to Chris's face, a small smile and look of recognition appearing.

"Hey dude. Did you come for the party?" he asked, his voice slightly slurred. "It's gonna be huuuuuge." Chris gave Sam another sideways glance, then his eyes fell back over to Josh's face.

"What party?" he placated. Josh's face turned to stone, pure seriousness washing over him. Sam and Chris felt uneasy, uncomfortable under Josh's intense stare.

"A-are you serious? Beth and Hannah's birthday! It's tonight. There's gonna be music and food..." He stood excitedly causing Chris to flinch. "And don't worry guys. My friend Jake got us a keg, so... we're set," he chuckled, his head lolling from side to side, as though he were trying to keep it upright. Sam knew for a fact that the twins' birthday was in December; Josh was completely delusional at this point.

"Josh, what are you  _talk_ -" Sam began. Chris raised his hand to her, and she quieted.

"Oh, yeah? Where's the party, bro?" Chris asked. Sam knew he wasn't an expert by any means, but Chris knew Josh more than anyone else in this world. Josh hadn't been hanging out with him since everything had gone down, but that didn't stop Chris from checking in on Josh almost every day since that night through texts or phone calls.

"Well, here,  _duh._  We have a lot to do," he added, beginning to pace.

"I'm sure we'll get it all done in time," Chris assured. "Oh, hey!" he said, suddenly, his voice matching Josh's excitement. "You mentioned that you started new meds to me a few weeks ago... how are those going? You feelin' okay?" Chris ventured, unsettled. Josh paused his pacing for a quick second, before continuing even faster and shaking his head. He cupped his hands over his ears as to stop listening. "Josh? You okay?" he asked again.

"No, I'm not taking those ones anymore. They um... ummm..." he stammered, as though his mouth couldn't keep up with his mind, or viceversa. "Mmmmmmake me feel weird. I  _don't._.. I stopped."

"You stopped?" Sam asked, her voice cracking. "Did you talk to your doc-"

"STOP!" Josh suddenly yelled, extending out a finger in her direction. "Stop. Stopstopstopstop," he mumbled. He turned to them again, his face red. "I didn't like them, okay! And that's..." he started to laugh, his hands up in the air, "that's not even what's important right now! It's a party!"

"There is no party, Josh," Sam said sternly.

"Sam..." Chris said under his breath, as if to stop her. Sam couldn't help herself, however.

"Josh, you aren't supposed to quit taking your meds cold turkey! There are horrible,  _horrible_  side affects when you do something like that..." Sam warned. Josh stared at her, his face melting from frustration into a soft, lovesick smile.

"You're so pretty, Samantha," he sang, taking a few jagged steps towards her.

 _"Josh,"_  she warned, her eyes darting over to a confused Chris, watching on from his spot on the ottoman.

"And you care, so much!" Josh added. He turned to Chris happily, gesturing towards Sam with his hand. "Chris, she cares  _so_  much about me," Josh gushed, his hand falling over his heart. Chris could see Sam's look of discomfort as she squirmed under their eyes.

"We all do, Josh," Chris said, trying to reel him back in.

"No. Nononononono not like that. It's like how YOU... care about  _Ashley_ ," Josh spilled. Sam wasn't too surprised; she had assumed Chris had a crush on Ashley, but it was just cemented when his face turned red and he chuckled nervously.

"We all just want to see you get better. This isn't you, right?" Chris finally said, peering over his glasses, calmly. After a brief second, a coherent Josh seemed to appear through the fogginess, and he blinked a few times, his eyes finally focusing in on their faces.

"Right," he said through dry, cracked lips. He looked around, as if he'd just come out of a trance. "Right," he said again, nodding. "I'm... I'm sorry guys."

"Josh, don't be sorry, it's okay, we just want to make sure you're okay." Josh didn't say anything, only continued to nod, his eyes clearing up.

"And...You realize that there's no party, right?" Chris clarified.

"Yeah...no. There's no party," Josh whispered. "I remember now."

"Can we get you anything? Do you want to sit-" Sam's words were cut short as Josh fell to the ground suddenly, Chris and Sam watching on in horror. "Josh!" Sam screamed, running over to him and dropping down to her knees. Chris hurried over as well, and before they had a chance to assess his state, he began to twitch and convulse furiously.

"Oh my God! Josh!" Chris shouted, his voice full of terror.

"He's having a seizure! Call 9-1-1!" Sam ordered, trying to apply her weight to him to keep him from flailing too violently. "Tell them he quit his medication!" she added through tears, remembering instantly that seizures, hallucinations, aggressiveness... these were all symptoms of quitting his Phenelzine without tapering off safely. She'd wished he'd have told her that he quit; she would have tried to talk some sense into him, she'd have warned him just how dangerous that truly was.

But he  _hadn't_  told her, and now all they could do was wait for the ambulance to get there to get Josh the help he needed. Sam just hoped they'd make it in time.

* * *

 **Josh Missing** –  _Week 2 (cont)_

Sam didn't want to go inside. It was just a little get-together, but it was the first one since that night. Everyone made it – even Jessica who'd just had her heart broken by Mike. So, why was it that Sam's feet felt like they were encased in concrete out on that porch.

She looked in; everyone looked the same only... different. As though they were all trying to force a good time knowing that things would never be the same again.

"For Josh," Chris had said when he told Sam to come. "He would have wanted you to come."

Sam hated conversations like that, simply because no one  _knew_  that. Josh would have WANTED to be there as well. Josh would have WANTED to not be down in those mines. Josh would have WANTED his sisters alive.

She held her hand on the doorknob, but still couldn't bring herself to turn it. Suddenly, however, the choice was taken from her as the door lurched open, Chris coming into view.

"Hey," he said quietly, the rest of the group talking and trying their best to ignore their own trauma for one night. "I uh... I saw you out here," Chris confessed. "I wanted to take a second to talk to you since... we haven't had much of a chance... I've called you," he added, stepping out onto the porch and shutting the door behind him. They walked forward, away from the window and towards a private corner.

"I've been busy," she said flatly. She brushed a wisp of blonde hair from her face.

"Mike said... you got a voice mail? From Josh?" Chris asked, his face full of hope. Sam pulled out her phone, fidgeting with it in her hand.

"Yeah, it was really odd... You can listen to it if you wa-"

"No," Chris said suddenly. He shook his head sadly, his own eyes glistening. "No, I don't think I could do that just yet..." He let out a short, burst of a chuckle. "I don't think I could ever do that, actually."Sam felt her heart race and the prospect that someone out there felt the way she did, like Josh was a great loss and someone worth mourning for. She wasn't so sure she'd find that kind of reception in the house with all of her friends.

_Josh's victims._

"To be honest, I don't know why I came here. I can't just go in there and pretend-"

"Josh told me," Chris blurted, cutting her off. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She took a deep breath before,

"Told you what?" Chris glanced over his shoulder, making sure no one had followed him out.

"He... you know...  _told me,_ " he said through low, gritted teeth. Chris was about as subtle as a highway sign.

"Ah," Sam smirked. "Okay. You caught me. I was having a torrid love affair with your crazy best friend." She shrugged. "So what?" She had no idea why she felt so defensive, perhaps even embarrassed, other than the fact that she'd thoroughly thought they had everyone fooled. If Josh HAD still been around, she'd definitely have some words for him for spilling the beans, even to his best friend.

"No, Sam, I don't think you understand. Josh always had a thing for you for as long as I could remember..." Chris said, his demeanor more serious than before. "He  _loved_  you. He was absolutely crazy about you-" Chris stopped, catching himself at the end of his sentence. "Okay, I realize now that crazy probably isn't the right word, but..."

"I get it," Sam said, her voice softening and a small smile appearing. She was tired of the tears, but it seemed like they were ever-present in her life anymore. And she'd never considered herself much of a crier. "Thank you," she mouthed.

"I just wanted you to know, I'm here for you. If you can't go in there, I understand. I don't think anybody gets Josh the way that I do... except apparently you."

"I feel like I'm not even allowed to mourn," Sam whimpered, honestly relieved that someone finally understood.

"I know, I  _know._  I feel the same way. I can't even talk to Ashley about it, she's still so fucked up from the prank and watching him get sawed in half and..." he paused, catching his breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm here for you. I know how you feel. I literally dream about him every night," he admitted. Sam nodded, absently.

"Me too," she whispered. She stared past him at the window, all those faces. All those people who couldn't possibly understand her heartache. She shook her head. "Chris, I can't go in there."

"I get it. Go," he ordered. He reached down and placed a hand on each of her shoulders, staring into her eyes intensely. "Get. Some. Sleep."

"I'll do what I can," Sam promised. Chris pulled her in for a quick hug, and Sam turned, pulling on her hood and zipping up her jacket before heading home with hopes that she'd be able to have at least one night without being haunted by his ghost.

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up...  
> Chapter 4: Sweet Release  
> Sam's grief continues to haunt her.  
> In a flashback, Josh gets out of his 30 day treatment at Ocean View.


	4. Sweet Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4: Sweet Release  
> Sam's grief continues to haunt her.  
> In a flashback, Josh gets out of his 30 day treatment at Ocean View. A little makin' out ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, moves me more than being able to touch and affect others. This has truly been such a fun fic to write, albeit emotional for me as the writer as well. If it doesn't scare me or move my own heart, how can I expect the same for you guys? I know these chapters are pretty long, by the way. When I was working on past projects I got into the habit of at least hitting 10 pages in a word document before I posted. I am trying very hard to be a novelist and I know that longer chapters are more time consuming for you guys (and me, to be honest) but there's something always so much more fulfilling to me sending out a good, solid, quality chapter. I'm more interested in quality over quantity. That said, we are moving on. Please continue to offer your support, suggestions, and questions or just let me know you're reading and interested. Every little comment is totally appreciated. Much love.
> 
> I've also added a little ChrisXAshley in this chapter. Enjoy.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 4:**

_Sweet Release_

* * *

**Josh Missing –** _Week 2 (cont)_

Sam felt a tinge of guilt not being able to go into Chris' house and face everyone; but how  _could_  she? She was almost completely certain that the night was going one of two ways: either they were sitting around, drinking and trying their best to push the events out of their minds completely, ignoring the fact that one of them was still down there –  _or_ – they were openly discussing Josh's descent into madness to try to forget about the creatures that had truly tormented them, as though that would justify their ability to move on.

" _I had to watch him get sawed in half_ ," she could picture Ashley saying to the group, her eyes big with residual fear and her voice shaking, Chris holding onto her tightly for moral support. " _He punched me in the face._ "

"The guy was a looney toon. There's nothing we could have done, he did it to himself," Emily would have concurred, all of them content in blaming Josh's sanity for his own demise. All so they could sleep better at night.

The hardest part was that Sam had always been a naturally empathetic person. She understood where they were coming from. What Josh had done to them – to  _all_  of them – was horrific. But no one knew Josh like she did, the Josh that cared about people far too deeply for his own good. The Josh who would do anything for his friends, had he been in his right state of mind, had he stayed on his medications. They didn't owe Josh anything.

_Especially now._

And yet, Sam couldn't stop thinking about the events that had led to the night of the prank in the first place, and her stomach swirled with guilt and remorse. If only she hadn't hurt him the way she did, if only they hadn't had their falling out right before he truly went off the deep end. If only she'd been able to carry his burdens on her shoulders. Even though she knew that she shouldn't, Sam felt like at least some small fraction of this was her fault.

She'd tried;  _God knew_  she'd tried. All she wanted was to help him get better.

But now, laying awake in her bed once more, tossing from side to side, trying in vain to think of anything other than her own heartache and regret, she knew exactly what it felt like to be slowly watching yourself go insane.

She stared at her ceiling, wishing she could go back in time to the time that he lay beside her and just by being there for him made her feel in control of her own grief. Now, she was alone. Not in the sense that people didn't care about her, but more no one was there to understand her the way she had been there to understand him.

The darkness of her bedroom played tricks with her eyes as she watched the lights from passing by cars paint lines across her walls, growing and stretching and then disappearing. Even though she should have been drifting off, she felt her heart racing and she found herself beginning to try exercises that Josh had told her about from his therapy sessions.

_Big breath in, 1-2-3-4, exhale 1-2-3-4. Big breath in, 1-2-3-4, exhale 1-2-3-4._

"Sam," she heard. She froze, her skin feeling as though it were being pricked by a thousand needles as a wave of cold washed over her. She swore in the blue dark around her she could see her own breath.

" _Sam_ ," the voice said again. It was reminiscent of someone she'd heard before, but not for so long. There was also a sinister sound to it, something cold and evil. She squeezed her eyes shut.

_This isn't real. This isn't happening,_  she repeated in her head.  _This is a product of stress and grief. This is not real._

"You can't ignore us for long," another voice, eerily similar to the first but slightly different. She cupped her hands over her ears, refusing to open her eyes. She just wanted the nightmare or hallucination to go away.

Suddenly, as soft as a feather, she felt something tracing her neck. Her eyes popped open, and Sam felt her heart stop and her breath hitch as she saw Hannah and Beth standing above her, staring down.

But they weren't Hannah and Beth. Their skin was decaying, their eyes milky and lifeless. She wanted to move, wanted to get up and run, wanted to scream but no matter how hard she tried she was paralyzed, feeling as though some invisible force was holding her down.

"Why so scared, Samantha? Aren't you glad to see us?" Beth asked, her voice hypnotic and singsong in a way that just added to the growing panic in Sam's frozen body.

"I thought you were my friend," Hannah joined, and as she spoke, Sam could make out a mouth of sharp, gnarled teeth. "I thought you were brave. But you just left him to die down there. Just like you left us."

"You left him to die," Beth echoed. "You said you cared about him. You said you'd be there for him… but you lied. And now you're no better than the rest of them," she berated.

"But it's okay, Sam," Hannah chimed, her voice suddenly sweet as her long arm reached out to run a bony, rotting finger down Sam's cheek. " _We're_  taking care of him. He's with us now." Sam watched in horror as a figure moved in between the dead twins. Illuminated by the moonlight was the terrifying vision of Josh, who'd taken on the same horrific form as his sisters.

_"Josh,"_  she managed to choke through jagged, shallow breaths. He stared down at her, his face almost recognizable despite his appalling appearance. Even still, Sam felt her heart ache but just being able to see him again, no matter what he looked like.

"Are you giving Sammy a hard time?" he droned, slight humor in his voice. His eyes flickered from sister to sister. Hannah smirked, those teeth visible again.

"Of course not," she replied. "We're just surprised she's letting you rot down here with us, Josh." Josh moved in between them, lowering himself down to Sam.

"I'm not surprised she didn't come," he murmured quietly. Sam hated the way his eyes looked, long gone were the gray ones that she'd looking into so many times. His breath was rank, like death and decay. She tried to turn her head away but her body still refused to move. "It's not like she ever loved me anyway. Isn't that right, Sam?"

"Stop," she whispered. "That's not true..."

"Isn't that why you dumped me in the first place?" he asked. Hannah and Beth clicked their tongues and shook their heads, their barely recognizable faces cloaked in disappointment. Josh stood, suddenly looking unnaturally tall once again, his sisters and he taking a step back from the terrified girl.

"You know, Sam," he began, taking a second to glance back from sister to sister once more. "It's really not that bad, down there. Maybe you should come on down..." he suggested. And then, as quick as they'd appeared, they disappeared in the blink of an eye.

As soon as they were gone, Sam felt the immeasurable weight lifted off of her chest. She shot up, her face hot and her head dizzy, her heart in a panic. She broke into a fit of tears as she grabbed ahold of her knees and began to rock herself back and forth, trying desperately to pull herself back from the sorrow and the madness.

* * *

**Mid May 2014**  –  _Three Months since the twin's disappearance_

Sam stared at her clock on the wall, unblinking, as it struck 8:00 p.m.

Josh had officially been released from the hospital for four hours so far and she had yet to hear from him. She glanced down at her phone apprehensively, but nothing had changed since the thirty seconds she'd checked before.

She sighed, tossing her phone on the bed and plopping down beside it. She'd already called him twice, but his phone had been off. She opened her contacts, ready to call once more, although she really didn't care for this desperate feeling that caused her to obsessively wait for him. The last thirty days had felt like forever; she had no idea how much she was going to miss his incessant texts and phone calls while he was away. She'd never seen her phone quieter than after the day he got taken to the hospital.

According to Chris – who's parents were as close with the Washingtons as Chris was with Josh – the doctor had said that he'd indeed suffered a seizure as a result of a withdrawal symptom, just like they'd thought. She closed her eyes and tried to picture something,  _anything_  other than what he looked like writhing around on the floor, his eyes rolled back and his limbs stiff and convulsive. She hated reliving that moment in her head, but it was something she didn't think she'd ever forget.

She'd initially offered to pick Josh up from the hospital, but Chris said that Bob and Melinda, most likely in guilt-stricken for leaving their sick son so often just to get away from the memories of their daughters, we already doing it. They had planned to pick him up and take him to his favorite restaurant for dinner as a celebration for his ' _path to wellness_.'

But Sam was incredibly happy that they'd finally taken the chance to spend time with him. Josh needed tons of love and support if he was ever going to get well, and deep down Sam saw his whole seizure as a bit of a blessing in disguise. The medicine before hadn't been working, only made him feel foggy and weak. She just prayed that the therapy he'd endured at Ocean View Hospital had proven successful, although she still maintained a slight fear that he wouldn't be the same Josh when he got out.

" _You_  look awfully bored." Sam stopped breathing for a moment and a smile crossed her lips. She peered over her shoulder to see Josh leaning against the doorway of her dorm room, flashing her that trademark smirk and those eyes – pools of green. "Is this all you did the whole time I was gone? Sit around waiting for me?" She rolled over and off of the bed, landing on her feet quickly as she closed the distance between them.

"You're  _here_ ," she sang in a slight squeal, throwing herself into him and nearly knocking him off balance. Josh chuckled as he readily wrapped his arms around her, his face lowering into the crook of her neck as he took in her scent. "I swear it feels like it's been forever," she spoke into his shoulder before pulling away and planting a kiss right onto his lips. Josh blushed a bit, as Sam was never generally so brash in her romantic gestures. "What was it like? Are you okay?" she asked, her eyes full of concern while simultaneously drinking in his presence.

"It was intense," Josh said after a moment of searching for the right words. "I barely escaped," he teased. "I'll never be the same again."

" _Stoooop_ ," Sam laughed with a roll of her eyes.

"No. Really. They are going to make a movie about my experiences there." If Sam hadn't known him like the back of her hand, she might have taken him seriously. He was always such a good actor that sometimes it was hard to tell when he was joking. "They're gonna call it  _Boy, Interrupted_. Hits theaters next fall."

"You're ridiculous," Sam chuckled again. Her mouth hurt from smiling so hard, just relieved that he was finally back. She really hadn't any idea how much she'd missed him until he was there, in the flesh and she could reach out and touch him, talk to him. Her smile began to fade a bit as she thought about the more serious aspects of what he'd just gone through. She took him by the hand, leading him toward her bed and sitting down beside him. Even once they were sat, however, she couldn't bring herself to let go of his hand. "How was it  _really_?" she asked.

"You know how those places are," Josh sighed.

"Not really," Sam replied. He leaned back a bit, his own smile fading as well.

"We're really gonna have to talk about it, huh?" he asked. Sam scrunched her nose, nodding slowly.

"Sorry  _Joshie_. 'fraid so."

"Ew,  _what_? No. Don't call me Joshie. My uncle George called me Joshie." Sam cocked an eyebrow.

"Your uncle's name was George Washington?" Sam asked flatly. He raised his eyebrows. She would probably never know the truth to that question. Either way, it didn't matter. Josh was the master of deflection. "Wait,  _nevermind!_  Stop avoiding the question!" she finally blurted, her voice rising. She knew him all too well. "Are you…okay?" she asked slowly. Josh brought her hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss into her knuckle.

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm actually better than fine."

" _Really_?" Sam smiled, her eyes hopeful. Josh chuckled.

"Yes. Really. I went through detox, and then a looooooot of therapy sessions with the awesome Dr. Hill. Then they got me adjusted onto a new medication and so far it seems to be working. I haven't been having any real side effects… I feel good," he assured.

Sam was so happy she felt like her heart could burst. She scooted in, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his. It was soft, at first, but soon Sam found herself growing hungrier and hungrier for a closeness with him.

Since they'd started seeing each other, they'd kissed and slept intertwined in each other's limbs, but they'd yet to even  _discuss_  taking it any farther than that. With Josh's delicate mindset and her inexperience they'd just mutually – _and silently_  – agreed to let things unfold naturally.

Sam unclasped her hand from his, beginning to allow herself to explore his body, his arms, his torso. The desire inside of them had combusted into a confounding fire the more they allowed themselves to fall into the moment. Josh ran his hands down her back before he slowly began to lower Sam onto the bed, and this time, she let him. Typically by now, Sam was in her head trying to convince herself why everything they were doing was wrong, but she didn't want it to stop.

Josh parted her lips with his tongue, taking in her sweet taste. Sam was lightheaded and totally captivated, she was fairly certain that she was under his spell completely at this point. His lips trailed her lips, her jaw, her neck, and Sam let her head fall back to really feel his breath on her skin. Cold hands found their way under her sweater, inching higher and higher ever so slowly, until he'd cupped a strong hand over her breast. Sam's eyes opened wide – up until this point no one had ever touched her like that before. Josh stopped kissing her when he felt her body stiffen under his touch. He peered up at her with deep, concerned eyes.

"Sam, is this okay?" he asked quietly. She hesitated, and Josh immediately removed his hand. "We don't have to do anything you're not comfortably with," he assured, bringing his hand up to brush a wisp of hair from her eyes. "I won't be upset. I would wait forever for you," he promised, his head lowering to place one simple kiss on her collarbone. Sam held back an involuntary shudder. She wanted this… oh  _God_  did she want this. But she knew she wasn't ready. And having Josh being so kind and understanding just made her want it even more. She sighed, sitting up, and Josh following suit.

"Maybe we should take a little break," she suggested. Josh gave her a small smile and a nod. She brought her hand to his cheek, turning him towards her. "Josh, I  _really_  want you. I just need a little more time," she said lowly. He nodded, leaning in and pressing another kiss onto her forehead.

"You can take as much time as you need," he said, taking her into his arms and bringing her back against the headboard. "I'm just lucky to be here with you at all. I'll take it however I can get it."

"Thank you," Sam whispered, her heart filling exceptionally full.

"No, Sam. Thank you," Josh reciprocated, his cheek pressed up against the top of her head. "For everything."

"Can you at least sleep over with me?" Sam asked.

"I'm not going  _anywhere,"_  he said. It was a bizarre feeling, to be the one feeling needy. She couldn't believe how much better she felt just having him there with her, and in such good spirits. She hadn't seen this Josh since before Hannah and Beth's disappearance. She thought back to that night while she lay there, contently listening to the sound of his breathing.

When they'd gone up to the Washington Lodge that February, Hannah had been just gushing about Mike coming up.

"Hannah, don't forget he's with Emily," Sam had warned, always the logical one. "I just have a bad feeling about this... I don't want you to get hurt," she explained. But Hannah was far too excited at the prospect of spending any kind of time with Mike at all, no matter who he was attached to.

"Oh,  _please,_  Sam. It's Mike, his relationship have a shelf life of three weeks, max," Beth giggled as she packed her bag for the trip. "Besides...it's  _Emily._  How long do you think he could possibly endure  _that?"_

"Sam, when are  _you_  gonna get a boyfriend?" Hannah asked. "I swear you're like asexual or something."

"There's nothing wrong with being asexual," Sam defended, defiantly crossing her arms. "Besides...I'm not. I just...haven't met anyone I'm interested in," she mumbled, helping Hannah fold her sweater and place it in her baggage.

"Well, what kind of guy  _are_  you interested in?" Hannah asked. "It would be nice to not be the only lovesick one around here," she muttered.

"So far, I would classify her type as  _nonexistant,"_  Beth joked. Sam didn't mind; she, Beth, and Hannah had always had this kind of friendship and she knew her friends meant well. Sam thought for a moment, trying to piece together what she would describe as the perfect guy for her.

"Well, he's gotta be kind. Loves animals. And funny. I like them a little bit goofy..." she rambled off. "Brown hair, light eyes... tall..." she continued. Hannah and Beth looked between one another, erupting into a fit of giggles. Sam hated when they did this - it was like a psychic twin connection that left her wondering, always.  _"What_  is so funny?" Sam yelled, throwing a pillow their way but missing the both of them.

"Soooooo,  _Josh,_  basically?" Beth blurted. Sam's face turned red... the description fit  _too_  well.

"No, not Josh," she grumbled, her eyebrows pulled down and her face in a pout.

"Sam, when are you just going to admit that you  _like_  Josh?" Hannah asked, nearing her friend and shaking her lightly. "This is seriously more frustrating than watching Chris and Ashley's little song and dance. At least they  _know_  they like each other and choose to do nothing about it..." she groaned.

"You guys said I couldn't like Josh," Sam challenged.

"Yeah, when we were like 10..." Beth retorted.

"You could be our sister!" Hannah cooed, far too excited for her own good. She extended her arms out to pull Sam in for a hug, who pulled away. "My best friend and my brother..." she sighed whimsically. "You'll have beautiful, weird, animal-loving little babies."

"Cut it out!" Sam chuckled. "And anyway, Josh doesn't like me, okay?" Both of the sisters froze, once again looking at one another and back at Sam. "What?" she snapped, impatiently.

"Sam, Josh has liked you since... like...middle school," Beth confessed. "I thought you knew that?"

"What? No!" Sam scoffed.

"No, really. Like, he specifically made us promise we'd make you come," Hannah confessed.

"Why didn't you guys ever tell me?" Sam asked, her voice more serious now. Josh liked  _her?_  After all this time of convincing herself that she didn't like him it turned out that Josh liked  _her?_

"I thought it was obvious..."

Sam missed them both so much. She'd never gotten along with anyone like she'd gotten along with Hannah and Beth... she figured that's why Josh felt so familiar and comfortable to her. She glanced up at him, happily and contently holding her in his arms. She wondered if he was happy, wondered if he was truly better. She hoped so. He peered down at her, presumably feeling her eyes upon him. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before he blurted,

"Wanna watch a scary movie?"

* * *

**Josh Missing –** _Week 3_

"What do you  _mean_  they called off the search party?" Sam yelled, even though Chris was only sitting a few feet away. She glanced over at Mike, sunken in on the couch beside him. He seemed to be processing the news in silent reservation. Chris sighed, his eyes misty and forlorn. "They can't  _do_  that!" she shouted, her heart in her throat. Sam began to pace, running her fingers through her hair and trying for once not to cry.

"I talked to Bob and Melinda about it this morning," Chris said quietly. "They said..." he paused, lowering his head and staring at his hands. "They said that their hearts couldn't take another year of this."

"So, that's  _it_? They are going to write off the only child they have left and just move on?" Sam choked. She brought her thumb to her mouth, beginning to chew on her nail nervously. "No, that's not how this works, guys. We... we  _have_  to do  _something_. We have to go talk to Detective Roland."

"What's the point?" Mike finally blurted, his voice harsh and deep. Sam stopped her pacing, her eyes locking in with his. She wasn't going to back down from this challenge. Sam gritted her teeth.

"He  _needs_  our hel-"

"Oh, jeez…  _wake up_ , Sam! The guy was a  _psycho_!" Mike shouted, standing up to meet Sam's gaze. She froze, taken aback with Mike's outburst. Chris watched them carefully, rising slowly to break up the argument.

"Mike, man, lay off," Chris tried, but Mike was too heated to drop it. He continued on his tirade.

"Do you really want  _more_  people to die at the hands of those things? Josh couldn't even make it out of the caves that night because his brain was too fried, there's no way he survived down there. It's been three weeks! It's time to accept the fact that he's  _dead_ , Sam! HE. IS. GONE."

" _Dude_ ," Chris sighed. " _Not_  cool," he added, shaking his head and sitting back down on the couch, dejectedly.

"How can you be so  _cruel_?" Sam mused, her voice low and her eyes narrowed. Mike ran his hands over his face exasperatedly, groaning, but then finding his composure.

" _Look_ , Sam…" Mike calmed, walking over to her. "I know you and Josh had a thing, or  _whatever_ that was… but it is just too dangerous. We've already suffered enough loss. We can't lose you, too." Mike drew closer, placing a caring hand on her shoulder, but Sam jerked it away as she backed away from Mike slowly.

" _Don't_  touch me," she hissed. "I don't care what you say. I am going after him. I've sat idly by for weeks now trusting that they'd find him. It's not enough."

"Then you're just as fucked up as he is," Mike mumbled, falling back down into the couch in defeat. Sam realized only the day before she'd told Mike he was insane for even considering the prospect of going back in the mines, but hearing that the search was called off she realized that no one else was going to do it. And after her nightmare the night before… She  _had_  to go. No one deserved that fate.

"You guys can either come with me, or I am going alone. Either way, you can't stop me," Sam insisted.

" _Damnit_ , Sam! This isn't a frolic in the woods! We  _made_  it! We escaped and you are seriously entertaining the idea of going back?" Mike asked in astonishment.

" _Yeah_ , Mike," Sam spat, her eyes intensely tracing Mike's face. "Yeah, we escaped. We  _survived_ ," she added, folding her arms across her chest. "And I don't know about you Mike, but I haven't been doing too well since I've been home. And maybe I am just as fucked up as Josh, maybe I am a little bit  _crazy_ , but I swear to God if it were you down there in those mines…" Her eyes moved to Chris. "Or  _you_ … or me… he'd be the first one down there to drag your asses back up."

"You can't go alone," Chris finally said after a long pause. Sam's eyes fell to Chris, his head in his hands. He peered up at her through parted fingertips. He groaned, leaning back. "I never wanted to ever go back there again. But…"

"You've  _got_  to be kidding me. You too, now?" Mike chuckled, frustration painting his face.

" _Chris_?" All three of their faces looked up to see Ashley watching them hesitantly from the hallway. She stepped out, wringing her hands together apprehensively. "Chris what are you guys talking about?" she asked, yet it was clear from her worried expression that she'd already heard the whole thing and realized just what Chris was about to agree to. Chris stood timidly, nearing Ashley as one approaching a skittish animal.

"Ashley, he is practically a brother to me-" He'd barely gotten the words out before Ashley broke into sobs, shaking her head frantically.

"No, Chris! Nonononono, you  _can't_ ," she cried. He tried to near her but she pulled away, her balled fists gently punching his chest. "You can't go back down there.  _Please_ , Chris."

" _Shhhh_ , Ash…" he said soothingly as he pulled her arms down and kept them still, but she continued to cry and attempt to wriggle from his grip. Chris reached up and took her face in his hands, forcing her gaze to his. "ASH! It's okay. I'm not going to go, okay?" He leaned down and pressed a kiss firmly to her lips, and that seemed to be enough to calm her, although the tears still fell. He pulled her in for a hug, gently rubbing his hand down the length of his back. Still, over Ashley's shoulder, he peered over at Sam and she knew by the look on his face that he was simply telling her what she needed to hear.

* * *

_To Be Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming Up Next...  
> Chapter 5: New Reality  
> Sam and Chris' rescue mission to the mines begins.  
> In a flashback, Josh doesn't want to go to Chris' birthday party - a little convincing from Sam helps.


	5. New Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5: New Reality  
> Sam and Chris' rescue mission to the mines begins.  
> In a flashback, Josh doesn't want to go to Chris' birthday party - a little convincing from Sam helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Josh's sweet side with Sam is a little bit different than "let's party like we're fucking pornstars" Josh, but I figured he couldn't be the comedic relief all the time. He has to have feelings, too. I figure he's had a thing for her for quite some time, so he is patient and understanding of her more timid nature. Josh seems to be a lot more complex with lots of layers, so I decided to write him from that angle. He seems fiercely loyal to the people he loves, and given all Sam has done for him, if she's not ready then I couldn't see him reacting in any other way. Anyway, hope you love it, because I love writing it. Here's another one…

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 5:**

_New Reality_

* * *

**Josh Missing –** _Week 3_

Knife.  _Check._

Torch.  _Check._

Water.  _Check._

Hatchet.  _Check._

Flashlight.  _Check._

Batteries.  _Check._

Sam couldn't  _believe_  just how easy it was to get a gun. It really took very little effort at all, actually. It was just a handgun, but she figured it was better than a  _no-gun_. She turned it to the side, admiring the grooves before she clicked the safety on and set it in the backpack next to the box of bullets and the rest of her cache of supplies. If she was going to the underbelly of Mount Washington, this time she was going prepared.

"Oh good. You're actually gonna come get me." The voice made Sam tremble, but she'd gotten used to it by now, always ever-present in her head. She didn't even look in the direction of the delusion this time, trying anxiously to remind herself that she was simply suffering from post-traumatic stress induced visions. "And here I thought you were just gonna let me rot away."

_Go away, Josh._   _You're not real._

"Oh really?  _Really, really, really?_  Are you  _sure_  about that, Samantha?" His voice was so much closer now, right by her ear as she felt what appeared to be his breathing on the back of her neck. She closed her eyes, inundated by the memory of his breath on her skin so many other times before.

_But this… this wasn't him._

"I  _said_  go away!" she yelled aloud.

"Who are you talking to?" Sam snapped her head around, startled to see Mike standing in the doorway. She exhaled as she growled into her hands.

"Mike, don't creep up on me like that!" she ordered. He sauntered in casually, walking up behind her. His eyes scrutinized the items that she was carefully placing into her backpack. He let out an impressed whistle.

" _Someone's_  ready for battle…" He picked up her sheathed apache knife, beginning to pull off the cover. Sam snatched it out of his hand with irritation, putting it back in its place without even looking at him.

"Seriously Mike, if you're not here to tell me that you're tagging along then just stay out of my way," Sam muttered, still sour from the day before.

"Obviously I can't stop you-"

" _No_ , you can't," she snipped. Mike's arms raised admission of defeat.

"And I'm not gonna try to make you," he promised.

"Then what do you want?" Sam asked, stuffing an extra jacket into the bag.

"To tell you good luck and… come back safe.  _With_  Josh," he said kindly. Sam felt a grin tug at the corners of her lips. She turned, slowly, facing Mike. He stared at her with eyes full of concern and… something else she wasn't quite sure of. Admiration? Respect? She could never be too sure with him.

"You sure you don't wanna come? It's gonna be a blast," she tempted. "We could really use your badass survival skills. If you remember correctly, we were quite the team, last time…" Mike chuckled.

"Yeah, we really were," he smirked, but it was short-lived. Unexpectedly his eyebrows pulled together into a grimace. "I uh…I also wanted to apologize to you," he said quietly, looking almost ashamed. Sam's hand found his shoulder.

"For what?"

"Well it's just…" Sam knew it was actually very difficult for Mike to be humble or admit fault; he'd always had a problem with his ego. Even since that night, he'd yet to ever ask for forgiveness from Emily for almost shooting her in the face. His eyes fell back to her expectant face and Sam could see what appeared to be a glisten, a mistiness. This was the first time she'd ever seen him show any kind of emotion other than his hotheadedness. "It's just when the wendigo took Josh I just… I don't know, I panicked."

"Mike, you can't-" Sam began to reassure, but she knew exactly how it felt to feel the blame for something that she had no control over.

"It was my job to get that moron out of the mines… but… when it pulled me under and then grabbed Josh I..." Mike stopped his sentence, trying to keep his composure in front of Sam. "When that  _thing_  grabbed my leg I thought I was done. I couldn't..." he took in a deep breath, before, "I fucking failed, Sam. We were supposed to save them all."

"We all did things we regret that night, Mike. You can't beat yourself up. I should have just stayed with you guys, I shouldn't have left," Sam admitted. She pursed her lips together, trying to find the right words to say. She sighed sadly, as Josh's words echoed against the walls of her head. "Can't go back. New reality," she said soberly.

"Hey." Mike and Sam turned to see Chris, who looked less than thrilled to be there with a heavy backpack on his shoulder.

"You came," Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "Honestly, I wasn't so sure after Ashley's reaction..." she confessed. Chris shrugged a shoulder, attempting to give off a haphazard, nonchalant look, but Sam knew better. She could tell by the look on his face he was still torn.

"Yeah...Well..." he murmured.

"Chris, if you don't want to come-" Sam tried. Chris held his hand up to silence her.

"I already watched my best friend get sawed in half because I chose Ashley. I need to choose Josh this time," he said somberly.

"Yeah, well that wasn't real," Mike mumbled.

"You weren't there, Mike. It was real to me. And I can't get the image or that night out of my head. I thought he was gone forever and I thought I did it. I can't feel that way for the rest of my life because I let that prophecy come true," Chris said sternly. Sam nodded, glancing at Mike to see if he had any more opinions on the situation, but he just stood silently.

"What did...what did you tell her?" Sam finally asked the burning question, clearly referring to Ashley and her less-than-thrilled demeanor when she'd barely overheard their plan to venture back to the mountain. Chris shook his head and let out an even bigger sigh.

"Doesn't matter. I'm sure she's gonna be freaking out here soon when she figures it out."

"You didn't tell her!?" Sam exclaimed. She knew Ashley was going to have it out for her when they got back.

If they got back.

"I told her what she needed to hear. I have to do this, Sam."

"I  _know._ " It was an insatiable drive, no matter how much danger they knew they were walking into. Worse, they knew it might be for nothing. However, Sam figured that she would rather see Josh's lifeless body and bring it back up for a proper burial than never know at all. She was hardly existing as it was. She was ready and willing to take on whatever fate awaited her.

"You coming?" Chris asked with a nod in Mike's direction.

"No," Sam interjected before Mike got a chance. "It's just you and me, bro," she said with a wry smile and a light punch to his shoulder.

" _Bro._.." Chris repeated with a faraway look on his face. He snickered a bit, probably just as on the brink of insanity as Sam at this point. "Yeah. Let's do this."

"Come back safe, guys," Mike said quietly as he watched them strap up their backpacks and zip their coats. Sam nodded, and Chris sent his friend one last parting glance. Sam turned to Mike one last time, a tight-lipped smile on her face as she place her hand on the doorknob.

"We'll be at the south-end entrance if you change your mind," she offered, before she turned and walked out.

* * *

**June 2014**  –  _Four Months after the twins' disappearance_

" _C'mon Josh_...it's your best friend's birthday. You  _have_  to go, even if it's just for a quick visit," Sam persuaded, her hands planted firmly on her hips as she stood over him. Josh rolled over, groaning into his pillow. He'd successfully evaded texts from Chris and Sam for the last two weeks on this subject, but Sam had snuck her way into his bedroom and caught him unprepared. Now he  _had_  to answer.

"Go away!" she could just barely make out as he talked into the blankets jokingly, but still somewhat serious in nature. Sam chuckled, ripping the pillow out from underneath him.

" _Ohhhh_ , no you don't. You do not get to hide out any longer." Josh covered his ears defiantly, but Sam was not deterred. She climbed on top of him, straddling him and attempting to pry his hands down, to no avail. She'd never realized how strong he was. "Your friend… specifically  _asked_ … for his wingman," she said between grunts. After a moment of playful wrestling, Sam finally gave up, sighing as she stared down at him. "I think he's  _actually_  gonna make a move on Ashley tonight," she tempted. Josh raised his head, glancing at her with a cocked eyebrow, a look of intrigue in his face.

"Fat chance!" he replied sarcastically, his head falling back down onto the mattress. Sam ignored him, smoothing the pillow in her hands before squeezing it to her chest and moving down to the end of his bed. Defeated, her hand still found the small of his back, gingerly.

"Besides...no one has really seen you for months. They're gonna start to think you've disappeared." Sam wanted to kick herself as soon as it left her mouth. Perhaps it wasn't the  _best_  choice in words, but Josh seemed to just let it roll off of him- he was getting better and better at it every day. It was June now, pushing dangerously close to summer and it felt as though maybe, just  _maybe_ , things could seem normal again soon. "Anyways, you have to go. Sam's orders! He is your best friend."

" _Or..._!" Josh shouted, sitting up quickly, his face suddenly full of excitement. "We could stay  _here_ …order a pizza… maybe get to 2nd base. Just an idea," he suggested ever-so-coolly. Sam's eyes narrowed.

"Very funny, Josh. But if you don't go to Chris' birthday, I'm afraid I will have to bench you  _indefinitely_ ," she teased, her finger jabbing into his shoulder in mock-intimidation. Now both of Josh's eyebrows were raised.

"I'm…actually kind of impressed that you made an accurate sports analogy…" Sam rolled her eyes, pushing the pillow into his face and standing, her presence beginning to take on a more somber vibe. She smoothed her blouse before she crossed her arms, gazing down at him intensely.

" _Look_ …I know you've been avoiding them, but…they are still your friends-" Sam attempted.

"They're murderers," Josh said, curtly. Sam flinched at the words and the serious intent in his tone, almost enough to make her shudder. Mostly, it just made her feel sad. She knew why Josh felt this way, and she didn't even blame him. But to hear such negativity escape his lips physically pained her. She softened as she sat back down on the bed, this time much closer to him.

" _Hey_ … that's a little harsh, Josh. People make mistakes and if you would actually see them or accept their calls you'd know how messed up they've been since that night…" Josh let out a sigh that tapered into a low chortle, followed by a shake of his head. He leaned in, pressing a kiss into her temple as he wrapped one arm around her, enveloping her closer to him. She felt so small wrapped up in him like this.

"How do you always do that?" he hummed, his face close to hers.

"Do what?" Josh brushed the loose hairs from her face before letting his hand rest on her jaw. He gazed at her with almost a sense of awe.

"You always talk me down. You breathe logic into my more irrational thoughts…"

"Well...someone's gotta do it, right?"

"I sure am glad it's you though..." he muttered quietly. Josh bent forward, his mouth brushing against hers tenderly and fleetingly before he dragged himself away. He continued to watch her, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that his wheels were turning."So… I guess the question is… do I actually get to act like your boyfriend tonight or do we have to act like strangers?" he blurted, candidly.

" _Josh_ …" she cautioned.

"I know, I know…" Josh exhaled, moving away from Sam a little bit "I'm not your  _boyfriend_ ," he mocked, his fingers up for air quotes over the word  _boyfriend_. Sam felt herself closing off, uncomfortable with the prospect of making him ever feel slighted or rejected.

"You know how I feel about labels."

"Well,  _yeah_ , but I kinda thought you were just saying that because I was... you know... having so many issues before. I'm better now."

"That's  _really_  not it."

"Are you...  _embarrassed_  of me?" he suddenly asked, and Sam could tell by his attitude and his posture that this was something he'd maybe wondered for some time, only finally getting the courage to ask.

" _What_?" she gasped, her arms instinctively reaching for him to comfort. "Josh,  _no_! Of  _course_  not," she denied, her voice flowing with sincerity. She tried to bring him close, but he pulled away from her, his mood shifting quickly from teasing to hurt. He stood, walking away from her to gain some distance.

"So, what's the big deal then?" he asked defensively, his head low and his eyes barely able to meet hers. "Why do we have to keep this a secret if I'm happy and you're happy…" He paused, as though it was her turn to speak, but Sam couldn't bring herself to respond. "You're…  _happy_ , right?" The hopefulness in the way he asked this made it clear he did  _not_  want to hear the answer if it was  _no._

Sam stood, nearing him slowly. She half expected him to jerk out of her grasp once more, but instead he let her take his face in her hands and bring him in for a kiss. He was reluctant, at first; she could tell by the stiffness in his stance. But then, after a moment, she felt him melt into her. She pulled away, her eyes desperately trying to connect with his.

"That  _is_  the point, Josh," she whispered. His eyes finally flitted to hers and she knew he could see her genuineness. "We  _are_  happy. You know how our friends are… I just want to keep us ' _us'_  for a little bit longer…." Josh nodded as though he understood, but Sam knew he was still insecure. She leaned in for another kiss, this one more passionate than the first, hoping that she could easy any of his worry with one simple act, although she knew for someone like Josh, it wasn't that simple.

* * *

**Josh Missing** –  _Week 3 "Into the Mines we go..."_

The trip up the mountain took longer than Sam remembered – perhaps it was her nerves. Perhaps it was the fact that she had to force herself to trudge up there. Or perhaps it was because she wanted to be there as soon as possible, but the anticipation seemed to make the trip stretch on and on.

Sam had never been up there while the snow was beginning to melt. There was still a hefty amount, but instead of fresh powder, she and Chris found their boots breaking through a glassy, icy layer across the tops of the white mounds. It was only barely light out; they'd decided to wait at a nearby motel when they'd gotten there in the middle of the night. They wanted as much daylight for their search as possible, although they both knew that those things still lurked in the everlasting dark of the mines.

The terrain began to take on a more familiar look as the sun was barely stretching up above the hills in the distance. Chris took in a deep breath beside her; she wondered what he was thinking. During the trip up they'd really talked very little. What was there to say?

_Thanks for coming. Hope you don't die._

"Sam," Chris finally said. She jerked her head in his direction, surprised that he was finally breaking their silence. "What if we don't find him?" Sam swallowed; she knew that was a rational possibility, one that she didn't like entertaining for too long.

"We'll find him," she croaked, her voice hoarse from the cold. She heaved her sliding backpack back up onto her shoulder as she continued to battle the snow.

"Is it hard to be so optimistic all the time?" Chris said with a humorless laugh. Before she could even begin to answer, his phone began to buzz for the millionth time, as it did every time they wandered into some kind of cell reception. He pulled it out, staring down at the glowing screen.

_**Call from... SMASH-ley** _

Sam smirked at the cute nickname, but still, she felt horrible for being partly responsible for Ashley's current state of strife. After the fourth fearful voicemail she'd left for Chris, she'd turned to anger, and the text messages Chris was constantly receiving were getting more and more desperate. Chris hit the silence button.

"Maybe you should just turn it off," Sam suggested, knowing full well there was no going back now, no matter how much Chris didn't want to hurt Ashley. They'd come  _too_  far. "I turned mine off hours ago."

"You're probably right..." Chris sighed, powering down the cellphone instantly. "Plus, we will want to preserve our batteries for if we find Josh."

" _When_  we find Josh," Sam corrected without hesitation, her eyes surveying the huge crevice they had to shimmy across. She leaned over the jagged cliff-side; it wasn't that far down, and it seemed like there was enough room for decent footing. She turned to Chris, taking in a deep breath. "You ready?"

"No," Chris gulped. He peered down as well, suddenly feeling more than apprehensive with the mission. Together, they helped each other lower down onto the ledge, gradually etching over to the other side without too much hassle. Once they were out, they found themselves standing at the mouth of the mines. An old, dilapidated  _CAUTION!_ sign hung haphazardly near the opening. It warned of landslides and dynamite. Chris neared the sign, adjusting his glasses to make out the weathered words. He scoffed.

" _Figures_. Not even one mention of flesh-eating wendigo monsters. I will SO not be giving this place a good rating on Yelp," he joked, trying to ease his nerves with humor. Sam lowered to the ground, opening her backpack and taking out her headlight, placing the band on her forehead. Chris chuckled at her bag, which was overflowing with supplies. "You really came prepared... but..." he leaned down, pulling out a small bag of jalapeno potato chips, "Do you plan on warding those things off with your breath?" Sam snatched them from his hands, staring back at him slightly embarrassed.

"They're...Josh's favorite. I figure when we find him he's gonna be starving, so I just thought..." she let her words trail off, sheepishly. Chris smirked, and saying nothing he unzipped his own bag, pulling out an identical bag of chips. He cocked an eyebrow.

"I guess great minds think alike." Chris shoved them back in his bag, chuckling low, under his breath. He shook his head as he stared at her. "You, like,  _really_  liked him, didn't you? I just figured you were being there for him the only way you thought you could...especially with what you said when you dumped him-"

"I didn't dump him," Sam snapped. She paused before she looked at him, nervously. "He told you about that?"

"Who do you think was there for him when it happened? He had to tell  _someone_ ," Chris rationalized. "Besides... I didn't blame you. He was going a little nutty."

"Are you guys just gonna stand there all day or are we going down there?" Mike's unmistakable voice rang out from overhead. Sam's face lit up, as she watched Mike hop down from a ledge above, landing nimbly on his feet with a thud. Clutched in his hand was a shotgun.

"You  _came_!" Sam exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug, jerking him down to her level.

" _Ouch_ , easy," Mike grumbled as he pulled away. "You're a lot stronger than you appear, you know that?"

"Do  _NOT_  leave me alone up here!" Another voice called down. The three of them looked up once again, this time to see a determined and livid Ashley attempting to climb down.

"You brought  _Ashley_ here!?" Chris shouted at Mike, suddenly becoming irate, grabbing him by the collar. "What the hell, man! This is  _dangerous_!"

"She pretty much forced me to, dude. She knew I was lying..." Mike said, prying himself away and dusting it off with an uncaring shrug.

"Someone...had to!" Ashley yelled through struggling breaths. Chris gulped. He hurried over, grabbing ahold of her waist and helping her down to her feet. She seemed happy to see him, but only for a split second before she threw her fist into his arm. "What is the matter with you!?" she yelled. "Don't you know how worried I was?"

"I didn't want to put you in danger! That's exactly why I wasn't telling her,  _Mike_ ," Chris said, glowering at his friend. Ashley's gloved hands reached up to take Chris' face in her hands, her eyes peering into his intensely.

"You go, I go, Chris.  _Remember_  that," she said quietly. She leaned up onto her tiptoes, pressing a kiss into his lips gently, and then another smack. "Don't you ever scare me like that again! OR lie to me!"

"I promise," Chris swore, pulling her in for a hug. "I wish you would have stayed home... I can't imagine losing y-"

"Okay, guys, you're  _soooo_  cute, we get it. But... I think it's time we get on with it. We are losing valuable daylight," Mike said, cocking his shotgun. The four friends turned towards the cave entrance; it looked like a dark, infinite abyss.

"I don't remember it seeming that dark," Sam swallowed the ever-present lump in her throat.

"It's like Dante's Inferno..." Chris commented, staring into the vastness in awe. The three looked back at him for an explanation. "The Divine Comedy?" he attempted.

"I barely passed English," Mike mumbled, dismissively.

"It's a story about Dante and his quest down through all the rings of hell to bring his love, Beatrix, back up to Heaven."

"So this is like...  _Sam's Inferno_ ," Mike teased, elbowing her with a wink. Ashley's eyes widened.

"Wait... What? You and Josh? You mean-" Ashley rambled. Sam's eyes narrowed as she shot Mike a look that could only read  _thanks a lot._

"Let's just get in there, shall we?" Sam snipped.

"Sure," Mike smiled, his trademark Superman smile. He extended his arm outward towards the mine. "Ladies first?"

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I was really trying to get to Chris' party scene in this chapter but we are already 11 pages in. Next time! Hope you like it!
> 
> Coming up next...  
> Chapter 6: All I Wanted  
> Chris and Sam's journey begins into the mines to rescue Josh. With or without a little help.  
> In the past, jealousies arise between Sam and Josh when Sam won't tell anyone that she and Josh are an item. They may or may not have sex??


	6. All I Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6: All I Wanted  
> Chris and Sam's journey begins into the mines to rescue Josh. With or without a little help.  
> In the past, jealousies arise between Sam and Josh when Sam won't tell anyone that she and Josh are an item. They may or may not have sex??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me if the story becomes a little dicey- multi-person dialogue has always been a bit of a struggle for me. I had a LOT to cover in this chapter, the whole party ended up being a lot longer than I expected, and it really cut down on the mines stuff... which is fine. That's turning out super difficult to write. Anyways, this is a loooooong one. 17 pages! Here . We . GO.
> 
> Oh. There's sex in this chapter. If you're not into that then I guess just skip it; it's at the end. Nothing too graphic, but nonetheless warranted a warning.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 6:**

_All I Wanted_

* * *

**June 2014 –**   _Four Months after the twins disappearance (cont)_

It took a lot of convincing, but Josh finally decided to accompany Sam to Chris' birthday party. Sam could tell by his silence in the car that he was still having a hard time with the decision, but she stuck firmly to her belief that shutting himself out from his friends was just going to make his recovery even harder. He needed to begin to heal, and he couldn't do that if he wouldn't even face the people he'd harbored such resentment for.

Sam had  _every_  intention to act as a buffer, helping him integrate back into his group of friends with as much ease as possible. If he became distraught at all, she had promised that all he had to do was say the words that he was ready to go or that it had become too much and she would get the car ready, no questions asked.

"You sure you don't wanna take me up on that pizza and make-out sesh?" he asked with a nudge as they stood outside on the porch. Sam smirked, taking ahold of his arm comfortingly.

"Mmm... tempting..." she smiled coyly. "C'mon, scaredy cat. It'll be over before you know it. They're still the same ol' people they've always been," she assured.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Josh said under his breath before turning the doorknob and pushing the door open.

From the looks of it, the party was pretty relaxed, old and new faces hanging out under crudely decorated streamers and loud, bass-heavy music on the stereo. Sam surveyed the room; Mike and Emily were nestled up closely on the couch beside Matt. Ashley was over talking to Chris by the bar and Jess was toward the back of the room, talking to a couple girlfriends by the kitchen entry.

" _Josh_!" The yell rang out the moment they'd noticed that Josh and Sam had entered, and everyone seemed to focus their attentions on their long-lost friend. It had come from Jessica, who was now struggling through the crowd to get to them. She came out like a bullet, throwing arms and body around Josh, pulling him in for an embrace. "You made it!" she squealed excitedly, as though it were her party. Josh gave Sam a quick, nervous glance as he was still enveloped in the small blonde's embrace, but Sam just cleared her throat and looked away, trying her best to look unmoved by the random and grand public display of affection.

"Oh...  _hey._..Jess...?" Josh greeted, awkwardly patting her on the shoulders. He was clearly unsure of just why Jess was so forthcoming until she pulled away, her breath reeking of bubblegum vodka – Sam was standing a few feet away and caught a whiff as well, shooting Josh a small, knowing grin. Jess had a reputation for being a handsy drunk.

"Josh, I haven't seen you in forever!" she exclaimed, happily with a hiccup. She turned out towards their friends, "Guys! Josh came!" she shouted, her eyes half-lidded and her voice slightly slurred.

"We have eyes, Jess," Emily droned with an eye-roll, curling up closer to Mike on the couch. "Hey Josh, you look good," she added in one of her rare, kinder moments. The group of friends spouted off their own ' _hellos_ ,' but no one could deny the tension in the air. To ease this, they resumed drinking and talking over the loud music, attempting to regain any sense of normalcy.

"Josh, we have been  _so_  worried about you," Jess said, her face full of concern.

"I've been oka-"

" _Seriously_ , you have my number, right?"

"Uh.. yeah," Josh stammered, never taking his eyes off Sam.

"If you ever need anything, please just call me or text me and I'll be  _right_  there," she offered. Sam was completely taken aback by Jessica's ' _kindness_ ,' and it appeared from his body language that Josh was too. Sam could see the faintest appearance of a blush spreading across his cheeks.

"He's  _fine_ ," Sam snapped before she got a chance to catch herself, correcting the sudden lashing with a smile.

_What the hell was that?_

This fiery feeling in her chest and cheeks...  _jealousy_? Josh furrowed his brows, his eyes flitting between the two, suspiciously.

"Thanks, Jess. That's real nice of you," Josh mumbled.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom and then how about I get you a drink?" she suggested suddenly, loudly. "Whiskey, right?" she said with a wink.

_How did she know that?_

Josh didn't have a chance to respond, and with a quick kiss on his cheek, Jess spun around happily and bounced back into the party and towards the bathroom. Josh glanced down at Sam, confusion painting his features. Sam clenched her jaw, then forced a smile, trying to appear cool and collected, but if she were honest with herself she would have admitted that Jess' interaction with Josh had just left her head spinning a bit.

"That was...  _interesting_ ," Josh said quietly. "Was she just... _flirting_  with me?"

"I need a drink," Sam mumbled under her breath, leaving Josh in the doorway to make her own way to the bar to pour herself something strong. This was going to be harder than she'd thought, not telling anyone about she and Josh. It was especially conflicting because she loved her privacy, and she meant what she'd said earlier about wanting to keep their relationship on the down low but the last thing she expected was to come to this party and see Jessica fawning all over him.

She stood at the counter of various mixers and alcohols before she poured herself a very strong vodka cranberry, taking a shot glass of vodka on the side. It burned down her throat, and she chased it quickly with a nearby, abandoned soda. She retched, the aftertaste lingering in her throat. She knew she couldn't drink much, since she was driving, but she had no idea how she was going to stomach this night if she had to watch Jess make moves on Josh completely sober.

And it wasn't as though she could tell anyone that she was seeing Josh. She'd made such a big deal about keeping it quiet that suddenly her stubbornness seemed to be overriding any form of logic – which was exactly Sam's problem with love and feelings in the first place. It made people do stupid things and she couldn't stand not being in control of her own emotions.

Sam tossed back another shot.

"Whoa there, turbo. Save some for the rest of us," Jess laughed. Sam hadn't even seen her sneak back up over to her. Great, just the person she wanted to see. Sam felt a tight, polite smile stretch across her lips.

"I think you've already drank enough for the both of us," Sam quipped, taking a small swig directly from the bottle. Where was this coming from? Jess was her friend! It wasn't her fault, she didn't know any better. Jess was just being... Jess. She hated feeling like this. She tried to shake it off but then,

"So, what's the scoop on Josh? Is he better now that he's out of the loony bin?" Jess giggled, like it was just typical girl-chat. Like her words had no meaning or repercussions. Typical Jess. "Because I do not remember him being this  _cute_!" she said into her drink. Sam rolled her eyes. She turned to Jess, a hand on her hip.

"First things first, if you're gonna make a move on Josh you might not want to belittle his situation by referring to the hospital as the loony bin, okay?" Sam said sternly. She felt the alcohol going straight to her head, making her dizzy.

_And brave._

"And secondly, don't you think that he's been through enough, Jess? Maybe it's not the best time to be-"

"I hear you!" Jess interrupted, shaking her head. She clicked her tongue, staring off in Josh's direction. " _Poor guy_. It just makes me wanna take care of him, ya know?" she said coyly with another giggle. "I mean, I doubt he's gotten laid since well before Hannah and Beth went missing."

"I'm am sure the last thing on Josh's mind is getting laid," Sam scoffed, her nerves jangling just under the surface.

"I'll letcha know," Jess teased, walking off to go find Josh with an extra drink in her hand. Sam felt her mouth run dry, trying to steady her breathing as it felt like the wind had just been knocked out of her.

' _What am I even doing here?_ ' She thought to herself. She knew she should just go get Josh and leave before Jess had successfully sunk her teeth into him for the evening. Sam had no intention of attempting to compete with that.

"Thanks for dragging him out," Chris said before Sam could leave, taking a sip of his drink and snapping Sam back to reality. His attentions were somewhere else, however, as Sam traced his gaze over to Ashley on the other side of the room. Ashley stood by the glass sliding door, talking excitedly to a dark haired guy that Sam had never seen before. "Can you believe she brought a guy? To my birthday!" Chris exclaimed, a slight slur in his voice as well.

"Who is he?"

"Get this... she said he's her 'study partner.' Yeah, right," Chris snorted into his drink.

"Maybe it's...just her study partner..." Sam said coolly. This was a wonderful opportunity to focus on anything other than Josh and Jess. She shoved an elbow into his side, playfully. "You gonna chicken out just because of a little ol' competition?" she asked, raising her eyebrows, until she instantly realized the parallels. Chris looked at Sam, a nervous smile spreading across his lips.

" _What_?"

"You're reading too much into it! She would never bring another guy she was interested in to your birthday. "

"How do you know that?"

"Oh, c'mon. Don't act so innocent. You know Ashley spends like every waking moment with you. And was it not you who asked for your wingman tonight?" Sam teased. Chris let out a loud,  _Ha!_ before glancing over at Josh. He was clutching a drink, backed into a corner by Jessica. Although, he didn't seem to mind it as much as Sam would have preferred. At the very least Sam was glad he seemed to be having a good time. Maybe she was overreacting... She knew Josh cared about her; it was never her style to get this insecure. Especially over someone like Jessica...

_Gorgeous, fun, cool, bubbly, Jessica._

"Yeah, some good  _he_  is tonight. He's practically been rendered immobile; Jess has been  _all_  over him,"Chris observed, his voice dripping with disbelief.

" _Right_?!" she exclaimed a little too excitedly, her eyes wide. She calmed, trying her best not to react too much. She knew what she meant to Josh, but still... she couldn't help the constant waves of jealousy welling up every time Jess' hand devilishly found Josh's bicep or her beautiful eyelashes batted a little  _too_  much.

"Oh, well. At least someone's gonna get laid tonight," Chris sighed with a shrug. Involuntarily, Sam found herself hitting Chris in the arm.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" she huffed. "Josh doesn't  _need_  to get laid!"

" _Ow_ , relax, Muhammad Ali, it was a joke. What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing," Sam said quietly, peering back down at her drink in her hands.

"I just meant... I'm clearly not gonna be getting anywhere with Ashley tonight. Someone might as well-" Sam couldn't hear any more of this.

"Excuse me," Sam said quietly before peeling off from Chris, heading back out through the crowd and out the back door for some much needed fresh air.

* * *

**Josh Missing**  –  _Week 3 (cont)_

" _Ahhhhhhhh_!" Mike, Chris, and Sam jumped at the sudden sound of Ashley's scream.

" _What_ , what is it?" Chris asked frantically, shining his flashlight right into Ashley's horrified face. "Are you okay?!"

"I saw a rat!" Ashley said with a sob in her throat. The three let out the breath they'd been holding. "It was huge!" she added, clutching her flashlight to her chest.

"Ash, we're saving our screams for the huge, flesh-eating monsters, okay?" Sam quipped, shaking her head as she ventured forward down into the mines, leading the group.

They'd been wandering down there for at least an hour now, with no signs of anything, let alone Josh. In the dark silence, all they could hear was the drip-drip-drops from the wet caverns, and each others breathing. They knew better than to banter back and forth unless absolutely necessary; they needed to be alert, on their toes.

"It's  _so_  gross down here," Ashley quietly whined, mostly to herself. "Remind me why I decided to do this," she moaned. Chris turned to her, grabbing her face and placing a big kiss on her lips to shut her up. She smirked, sheepishly. "Oh... _right._.."

"Remind me why I brought her down here," Mike mumbled. "Ash, I know it's damp and dark and scary, but you really need to be alert down here. This is where they live, any step could be the wrong one."

"I know... I'm sorry," Ash replied. "I just can't believe I'm doing this." She was right, Sam knew that. They all had their own reason why they had to, though. Mike needed to overcome his own guilt, Chris needed to be there for his friend and Ash needed to be there for Chris... and Sam had to save Josh, because her purpose for the last year had been just that: to save Josh.

"I know... but no matter what he did, he doesn't deserve to die down here," Chris murmured, his hand instinctively finding Ashley's back and leading her over a rock crevice.

"Plus... he can't be held accountable for his actions. The guy is nuts," Mike added, his eyes landing on Sam's face. "Sorry Sam..."

"It's true," Sam sighed. "But  _God knows_  I love him, anyway," she chuckled.

"Hey, as long as he's your problem after this and not mine, you two lovebirds knock yourself out," Mike said, grunting as he pulled himself up onto a ledge, turning and extending his arm out for Sam to grab onto.

"Gee, thanks, Mike," Sam said through strains, following him up. Once they made it to the top of the ledge, they stared off into a well-lit clearing with three different paths to choose from.

"No one better suggest we split up," Ashley said as soon as she saw the three options.

"No, whatever happens from here on out we tackle together," Chris said, taking Ashley's gloved hand into his own. His other hand was gripping onto Sam's torch, which she'd thankfully loaned him from her stash of weapons, and Ashley was holding Sam's knife tightly as well. "We're stronger as a team." Sam loaded her gun and Mike braced the shotgun against his shoulder.

"So, which way is it, kids?" Mike asked, his eyes scanning each option. Sam stepped forward, looking around for any kind of indication of which way to go. She neared the entrance on the left, noticing a mass of something on the ground. As she got closer, the object became clear in her headlamp light. She reached down, picking up the tattered piece of leather in her hands, examining it closely.

"This way," she said, her mouth dry. The others approached behind her.

"What is it?" Chris asked hesitantly. Sam turned, holding it out.

"It's Josh's toolbelt. He's been here."

* * *

**June 2014 –**   _Four Months after the twins disappearance (cont)_

Sam sat with her head leaning into her hand on the couch, watching the party go on without her. It wasn't that she wanted to be a downer, but she was having a hard time brushing off the constant flirting from Jess to Josh. She couldn't read him, either. Although she wanted to believe that he wasn't enjoying himself with her attentions, she knew that no matter what, Josh was still a guy, and his ego was probably loving the PDA...especially since that's all he'd wanted from Sam in the first place.

Sam watched on as Jess took it upon herself to sit on Josh's lap, and she'd figured she'd stomached enough for the evening. She got up, not looking back as she hurried off to the sanctuary of the downstairs bathroom, where there was less traffic.

Once she was inside, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Sam knew she wasn't ugly, but she could see her own confidence wavering in her own eyes and the thought of that killed her. She'd never been this vulnerable before, never let herself. What was it about Josh that made her let her guard down so drastically? She leaned down, splashing some water on her face to sober up a bit, since she'd already drank more than she'd anticipated.

" _Get it together, Sam_ ," she said to herself. She took in a deep breath before she turned to walk out of the bathroom, immediately bumping right into Josh in the hallway.

"Sorry," he murmured. She glanced from side to side, making sure they were totally alone. There was no sign of anyone in that long corridor. "Hi," he smiled, his hands reaching out to pull her close to him; she could smell the whiskey on his breath. Sam folded her arms across her chest, pulling away, slightly.

"Hey," she said curtly. Josh's face fell as he realized she was upset at him.

"Sam...what's wrong?"

"Nothing, why would anything be wrong?" she asked facetiously.

"Oooo-kay..." Josh chuckled nervously. "Because you're acting like something is wrong."

"Why don't you ask  _Jessica_?" Sam said mockingly with a cavalier shrug. Josh stared down at her for a moment before a big smile spread across his face, then he started to laugh. "What? Stop laughing at me!" Sam demanded with a slap to his shoulder.

"Aw, Sammy... are you jealous of  _Jessica_?" Josh teased. He reached over, taking her cheek in his hands. "Sam, you don't have-"

"I'm not jealous," Sam lied, pulling away from him. Josh's face took on a more serious appearance when he realized she was truly upset. "You can do whatever you want, Josh. It's not like you're my boyfriend or anything," she said ruefully. Sam regretted it the moment it left her mouth, but between the alcohol and her raging jealousy she couldn't stop it from coming out. Josh took a step back from her and nodded; he couldn't hide the hurt in his face.

"Ah, yeah.  _Nice_ ," he mumbled, embarrassed. Sam sighed, wishing she could take it back.

"Josh, I'm sorry it's just-"

"No.  _Nononono._  It's fine," he continued nodding with a shrug. "That's uh...that's  _just_  fine." Josh turned, bounding back up the stairs and away from Sam quickly.

"Josh, wait!" Sam called after him, but he never even looked back. "I'm such a  _jerk_ ," she groaned into her hands. She took in a deep breath, trying to keep herself from letting her emotions get the better of her. She was just going to go upstairs and apologize to him, it would be fine. It wasn't Josh's fault or Jess' fault... although she realized that deep down she'd wished he would have just put a stop to Jess' flirting by letting her know that he wasn't interested. Still, Sam knew that she was overreacting and really had no right to be this upset.

She smoothed out her jacket and went to follow Josh up the stairs and back out to the party.

People were drunk now, a lot more spilling and laughing was apparent now, even though Sam now felt bone-sober after her run-in with Josh. She stood on her tiptoes, looking out over the sea of faces to see if she could spot Josh. After a moment the crowd parted and she could see him sitting in a big chair across from Emily, Matt and Mike, who were all still firmly planted in their spots on the couch.

Sam neared them, hoping that she could get Josh away from them to apologize, but before she could even attempt, she began to listen in to their conversation.

"...and I don't know. I love sports, but I was really considering going to film school," Matt was saying to the group, and Sam realized they were talking about their sophomore college plans. Sam's eyes found Josh, who had lost his smile for the evening. He was tipping back his drink, one of many this evening. He brought the glass down, swishing the remaining whiskey in the bottom of the tumbler.

"That would be  _so_  coo-"

"Film, huh?" Josh said loudly, cutting off Emily. All eyes fell to him as he raised his eyebrows, nodding his head. "I think you'd be great behind a camera, Matt," Josh said, a cold chill in his voice. "I mean, you did SO good at handling the camera when you guys did that little prank on my sister, right?" he laughed. Sam watched as Emily, Mike and Matt all shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"Josh-" Sam tried to intervene. Josh's eyes flitted up to her, but didn't linger.

"You saw the video, right Sam? Don't you think he  _killed_  it?" Josh spat. Matt swallowed, leaning forward and looking ashamed.

"Look, Josh... I think we've all been meaning to tell you that we're sorr-"

 _CRASH_!

Before Matt had an opportunity to apologize, Josh had stood and hurled his heavy glass across the room, smashing a mirror to pieces. Everyone watched in shocked awe as he stood there, seething.

"What the  _hell_ , dude!" Mike yelled, getting up and into Josh's face in an instant.

"Oh, you wanna discuss your role from that night,  _too_?" Josh challenged. That crazy look in Josh's eyes, the one that Sam hadn't seen in quite some time, had come back.

" _Cool it_ , Josh," Sam ordered, inserting her tiny frame in between Josh and Mike. She placed both hands on his chest, trying to back him away from the altercation, but he still struggled to push past her.

"No, do you have something to say to me, Mike?" he asked aggressively.

"Look, dude, I'm sorry about Hannah and Beth but you're  _ruining_  Chris' night-"

"Chris is fine. Aren't you, Chris?" Josh yelled out. Chris, watching apprehensively from afar, went to open his mouth to speak, but shied away. He was never one to throw himself into confrontation if not completely necessary.

"Josh," Sam said, her voice low. He looked down at her, but he wasn't looking at her the same way as he usually did. There was hostility there,  _real_  anger. "Josh, come on, I'll-," she began, tugging at his sleeve of his jacket. Josh jerked away, stumbling on his feet a bit.

"No, Sam. I'm fine,  _remember_?"

"You're  _not_ -"

"I said I'm fine!" he spat out, his face red. Everyone remained silenced, and Josh writhed a bit uncomfortably under their eyes. He laughed it off, shaking his head. "I'm  _fine_!" he reiterated, straightening out his jacket and stepping away from the crowd. Sam watched on helplessly, wishing she'd never forced him to come in the first place. Clearly, he wasn't ready. "C'mon, guys. Liven it. It's a party," he said, his tone changing.

"Maybe it's time to go, Josh," Chris finally said quietly. Josh was breathing heavily, abashed and disoriented from his outburst. Everyone continued to watch him when suddenly Jessica appeared, taking Josh by the hand and pulling him away from the group a bit.

"I've got it. I'll make sure he makes it home okay," she offered, wrapping an arm around his waist. Sam stepped in.

"Thanks but no thanks, Jess. We rode together, I'll make sure-" Sam reached for Josh's hand but he snatched it away, shaking his head and stepping away from her.

"No no no... That's okay. I'll go with Jess," he agreed, glancing down at Jessica, whose face had lightened up the moment he said it. Sam felt her stomach drop.

"What?" she breathed. Josh leaned in, his face close to hers.

"It's not a big deal, Sam. It's not like I'm your boyfriend or anything, right?" Sam's eyes instantly welled before she turned quickly, pushing her way though the crowd and towards the front door.

"Don't worry, Sam! I'll take good care of him!" Sam could hear Jess yell out right before she slammed the door behind her.

* * *

**Josh Missing**  –  _Week 3 (cont)  
_

"I recognize this place," Mike said, his voice hoarse. He stared out at the giant water-wheel and the freezing, underground lake. "I am not going back in there," he said, shaking his head.

"This is where I found Hannah's diary," Sam breathed, her own recognition spreading across her face.

"You found her diary?" Ashley asked, her eyes large. Sam paused; she hadn't realized that she and Mike hadn't told the others what they'd found down here, that their friend had resorted to cannibalism just to survive. "Wh-what did it say?"

"Believe me... you don't want to know," Sam droned. Mike neared her, talking low.

"Sam...this is where..." he began, suddenly losing his nerve at the end of the sentence. He took in a deep breath. "This is where it got him," he spit out. Sam closed her eyes, trying her best not to picture it; Josh terrified and confused, carried off by that monster.

"Do you think she recognized him?" Sam asked. Mike shrugged but didn't answer, his eyes still transfixed on the water. "Mike... the only way out of here is through. I know you're scared-"

"I'm not scared." Mike snapped, but Sam could see in his eyes that he was terrified. She brought her hand to his back, patting it a few times comfortingly.  _"Fuck!"_  he yelled into his hands after realizing that she was right; they'd have to cross. "Let's just get this over with," he growled, nearing the embankment of the man-made lake. Sam knew how hard and traumatizing this must be for him, but she squeezed onto his arm to let him know she was there.

 _"Wha-what?_  Can't we just shimmy across the ledge?" Ashley asked, her voice full of fear. Sam shook her head.

"It's too steep. We just need to get across so we can get to the other side," Sam instructed.

One by one, they hopped down into the freezing water. Mike hoisted his gun above his head, carefully stepping across the shallow, muddy ground as quickly as he could. Sam followed, searching the water for any sign of bubbles or wendigo lurking in the depths, but it seemed as though the coast was clear. Suddenly, she glanced over at the dock area where she'd found Hannah's writings.

"Hold on, guys." she said, veering off to the side.

"Sam, stay with us!" Mike demanded, but Sam continued over towards the side, pulling herself up. Her cold, wet legs felt weak when the chilled air hit them, but she hurried over to open book anyways, scooping it up. Her eyes feverishly scanned the pages, catching glimpses of writing she didn't recognize as Hannah's.

 _Sam was right. Hannah was alive,_  the scribbles said. Sam realized that Josh had been there and found the journal, penning in his own experiences down there.

_But she isn't Hannah anymore._

Suddenly, there was a loud shriek, so loud that Sam almost dropped the book. She clutched it to her chest, suddenly feeling completely alone on that little island away from the rest of the group./

"SAM! Don't MOVE!" Mike yelled, and before she could react, Sam heard a loud shot ring out, echoing across the vast openings of the cave. "You have to jump! Get over here!"

Without a clear view of just where the wendigo was, Sam took a running leap back into the lake, her whole body feeling like it was being stabbed with a thousand daggers as she was fully submerged into the icy depths.

* * *

**June 2014 –**   _Four Months after the twins disappearance (cont)_

Sam got back to her dorm and slammed the door behind her, throwing her keys angrily across the room with a loud, metallic crash. She felt like she was on fire and quickly begin pulling off her jacket,  _anything_  to feel like she could breathe. She began to pace, running her hands over her face frustratedly. How could he do that to her? What was his problem?

She knew the answer to that. She'd pushed him to this point- might as well have pushed him right into Jessica's arms. She knew he didn't want to keep their relationship a secret but her fear and her own inability to bring herself to deal with the feeling she had for him just cemented the results of the evening. She knew he was acting out in his own pain and frustration, and she hated that she hadn't been able to diffuse the situation in a more constructive manner.

And still, even though her heart felt like it was in her throat, she couldn't get his stupid face out of her head. She felt her eyes begin to well as she thought about where he was now, what he was doing...

_"Don't worry Sam, I'll take good care of him."_

She collapsed onto her small Ikea sofa, her head falling into her hands as she let the tears fall, choking out a muted sob. There was no one there worth saving face for. She felt heartbroken. This... this was why Sam had kept herself guarded. She'd always been considered a brave person, but when it came down to emotions and relationships, Sam was a coward. And deep down, Sam couldn't help but think that she only had herself to blame. Josh was right; it was so hard pretending like he was just a friend to her, when he had steadily and increasingly become everything to her.

As she thought about Josh kissing Jessica and touching Jessica, Sam thought she was going to be sick.

Sam did everything in her power to gain control of herself, wiping her tears away, but they just continued to fall. She took in a sharp, jagged breath before she stood, walking towards her closet to just change into her pajamas and put this awful day to bed.

_Knock, knock, knock_

Sam would have been startled if it hadn't been so faint - almost to a point where she doubted herself that it even happened. Her first instinct was that it was Josh – who else visited her past midnight? But after how upset he was at the party and how they'd left things, Sam wasn't going to get her hopes up. She thought about ignoring it, thinking it might just be a neighbor looking for a mixer. She slipped off her blouse, exchanging it for a thin tank top and letting her hair down. It fell down past her shoulders as she shook it out, instantly feeling better just being out of her party clothes.

_Knock, knock, knock_

She froze, turning towards her door and slowly nearing it, stepping up on her tiptoes to peek out the peephole. There was Josh, leaning up against the door, looking like hell. She swallowed hard, unsure if she had it in her to open the door to him.

"Sam?" she heard him call out through the door. He was quiet enough not to make a scene in the hallway, but loud enough that she could hear him clearly. "Samantha, open up. I know you're in there, I can see your light on under the door," he added. Sam continued to watch him through the peephole. He leaned his forehead against the door. "I'm so sorry," he said into the door. Sam wished she could shut him out, but for some reason she could never turn her back on him...especially when she saw the remorse in his face. She reached down, turning the lock and slowly opening the door a crack.

"What to you want, Josh," she croaked, her eyes red and cheeks puffy from crying. Josh opened his mouth, pausing before anything fell out. She could tell the way that his eyes traced her face frantically that he knew she'd been crying.

"Can I come in?"

"No, I think you can say whatever you need to say from there," Sam said shortly. Josh clenched his jaw, nodding vacantly.

"Fair enough," he said, his head lowered in shame. His hand sheepishly found the back of his neck as he tried to find the right words.

"What is it, Josh?" Sam goaded, her hand finding her hip as she cocked her head to the side, awaiting his response.

"I just wanted to say... that...I'm  _so_  sorry, Samantha. About the party and breaking the glass but... mostly how I treated you. I never should have done that to you. You have been there for me in ways I can't even begin to thank you for."

"Yeah. Well... I'm a good friend," she snipped, her hand closing in on the door. "So is Jessica-" Josh stepped in, his foot blocking her from shutting the door. His hand found hers, and Sam tried to ignore the burst of electricity she felt every time his skin touched hers.

"Sam,  _nothing_  happened with Jessica, I swear I left and came straight over here. I never wanted anything to happen with her," he promised, his eyes full of tears. "I don't know how to make you hear me... Sam you are all I've wanted since middle school. I am dying here, just realizing that I might have ruined it with you."

Josh's eyes were full of so much sadness and regret, but above all else they were full of so much pain, even after all this time. She should have known better than to force him to that party before he was ready, and then to spend the evening jealous and frustrated over Jessica when he needed her to be there for him. She'd let him down.

But Jess was right about one thing. There was something about this broken, sweet guy that truly made her want to take care of him.

Sam didn't think; she was  _tired_  of thinking anymore. All that mattered was that Josh was here with her now, and not with Jessica. Quickly her arm snapped out, grabbing ahold of Josh by the back of his neck and pulling his lips to hers in a frenzy that she didn't even know existed deep within her. Josh accepted the kiss graciously, thankfully, his own lips smashing thirstily against hers. He took a step in, her a step back, their bodies engaged in a dance of sorts as she pulled him into her room, shutting the door behind them.

"Sam," Josh blurted between kisses. "I'm so...sorry...I didn't  _mean-"_

"Shut up," Sam said breathlessly, hushing him with more kisses to his mouth. He did as she said.

Sam pushed him up against the door, her fingers locking into his hair, as if she were keeping him from being able to pull away. But it didn't matter, the last thing on Josh's mind was being anywhere other than where he was right now. His hands trailed her back, over her rear before he scooped her up with ease, and Sam hopped up, locking her legs around his waist. He spun them around, reversing their roles as he pinned her to the door, his tongue snaking out and slipping into her mouth, a slight moan escaping his lips.

They continued to paw at one another, clumsily, passionately. Sam's body seemed to react on instinct, doing things she didn't even know she knew how. She tore at his jacket, trying to free him of the restriction before they'd successfully discarded it completely. Josh carried her towards her bed, dropping her down on it before he leaned down, his large body pinning hers down to the mattress as his lips found her neck, her shoulder, her chest, his hand carefully and craftily inching up her stomach under her shirt.

He broke away from her, out of breath as he stared down at her half-lidded eyes. Sam couldn't tell what the look in his eyes meant; was this lust? Human nature? Something more. Her lips felt raw, her breathing ragged. Josh leaned down, his lips roaming over her stomach, slowly slinking further down. She lifted her hips to allow him to slip her skirt off, and she suddenly felt so exposed. His hands continued to explore her, every touch and kiss sending a wave of energy through her that made her move her body involuntarily, as though she were the puppet and he were the puppet master.

Their clothes soon decorated the floor before they climbed into the very bed that they'd spend countless night in before, only this time it was going to be different. Sam reached over into her nightstand, pulling out a condom. She'd had a box that she'd gotten as a gag gift from a friend only months ago, but she had no idea that it would come in handy until now. She held it out to Josh wordlessly. He hesitated, and then Sam brought her lips to his once more, followed by a gentle, knowing nod.

"Are you sure about this?" he mumbled into her skin, sending shivers over her. Was she? Sam was a virgin. She'd always promised herself that she was going to save herself for someone who meant the world to her, someone she could picture a future with and someone she couldn't picture a future without. She wanted this, she wanted to give herself to him. Although she hadn't been able to bring herself to say the words, since words seemed so cheap, Sam  _loved_  him.

She nodded absently, bracing herself for what was yet to come. She had no idea what this was going to be like, only knew that she wanted it now more than anything.

It didn't hurt. She'd always been told it was going to hurt – for that she was thankful. It was uncomfortable, that much she would admit. She squirmed a bit under his weight, trying to get used to the feeling. He was caring and attentive every step of the way, peppering kisses across her lips and forehead.

"Are you okay? Does that hurt?" he asked her questions that made her know he cared, and before she knew it she was ready to move on from the part that was new to the part that felt good. Before too long she found herself rocking against his body, working in perfect unison with him. The pace quickened, the sense of urgency to reach the point of no return becoming insatiable to a point where Sam wondered why she'd put it off with him for so long.

Josh was a gentle lover, taking things slow and deliberate, every movement serving a well-defined and calculated purpose. Even still, the passion between them was undeniable. Limbs became intertwined to the point where she didn't know where she ended and he began. "I love you," he whispered into her ear, and Sam felt herself melt beneath him... but still the words became lodged in her throat and couldn't come out. Instead, she felt herself growing warmer and warmer, a distinct tingling within her that had her heart racing and her mind drawing a blank. She clawed her nails into his back, biting down upon his shoulder as a wave of ecstasy washed over her.

With that, Josh quickly reached his end as well, as there was no point in prolonging the inevitable. She felt him shutter above her before he collapsed upon her, out of breath. She pressed a kiss into his neck, his shoulder, sighing.

Josh raised his head, a look of surprise on his face.

"Well, I gotta say, I did not expect that to happen," he admitted, chucking a bit. He rolled away from her, but not too far away, his arms still grasped onto her like he was scared she was going to scurry away. "I didn't just imagine that, right? That really happened?" he asked. Sam smirked, her hair a mess, as she turned to him, her face glowing and cheeks pink.

"Yeah, that just happened," she chuckled, low and hoarse, laying her head gently on her pillow. "If you're lucky, it might happen again," she teased. Josh reached up, his thumb tracing the grooves of her lips, drinking in her soft features, staring at her with love in his eyes. He leaned in, giving her one last lingering kiss before pulling her in close, holding her tightly to his chest. Sam closed her eyes smiled to herself with absolutely no regrets in her decision for once.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to write two endings, in which the chapter beforehand will prompt you one way or the other.
> 
> Coming up...  
> Chapter 7: Ever Enough  
> Chris, Ashley, Sam and Mike continue to navigate the mines, following Josh's clues.  
> In the past, Sam and Josh realize they don't have what it takes to make their relationship work.


	7. Ever Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7: Ever Enough  
> Chris, Ashley, Sam and Mike continue to navigate the mines, following Josh's clues.  
> In the past, Sam and Josh realize they don't have what it takes to make their relationship work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please note that this chapter makes a pretty big time-jump in the flashbacks (We left off in June, now it's September). The rest of my A/N was too long, so I moved to the bottom of the chapter. :)
> 
> Read at your own risk... It's an angsty one.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 7:**

_Ever Enough_

* * *

**September, 2014** _– Seven Months after the twin's disappearance_

"I'm _just_ saying, all of that gore is going to rot your brain, eventually!" Sam laughed as she and Josh walked out from the dark, empty movie theater and into the brisk evening air. Even though Sam, as usual, had wanted to see something light or funny, Josh – being the slasher film connoisseur that he was – had just made her sit through an old showing of the original _Texas_ _Chainsaw_ _Massacre_.

"I _told_ you, it's a legitimate art form!" he insisted, throwing his arms up with feigned exasperation.

"I'll just stick to a museum if I need some art in my life, thank you very much."

"Oh, _c'mon_. It wasn't _that_ bad," Josh teased, pulling her snugly against him and wrapping his arm around her, pressing a kiss into her temple. She smiled, and even let this arm rest for a moment, _almost_ content in being surrounded by him... but soon she wriggled out from his grasp, as usual. Even though they'd steadily and secretly been seeing each other for months now, Sam still had a hard time completely letting her guard down. She'd even thought a time or two that maybe, _just maybe_ , Josh wasn't the only one of them who needed therapy.

Even still, Josh was always pushing the boundaries with Sam, who seemed both interested and deterred by physical contact with him. She hoped that he at least knew it wasn't because of him; _God_ , no. Sam thought Josh was amazing. It was more so the fact that she was inexperienced – Sam had never even had a boyfriend before, and she certainly didn't know what to call what Josh had become to her.

So she saved her more affectionate nature for the privacy allotted behind closed doors… never out in public.

_Too many eyes._

Regardless of her feelings for Josh, which had admittedly grown through time and patience, Sam couldn't help but feel this uncontrollable sense of guilt or doom, like what they were doing was _wrong_ , for some reason. She just wanted to be _happy_ , just wanted to make _him_ happy, but something inside of her that she couldn't seem to shake kept him at a comfortable distance.

He was infinitely patient with her, as were the stipulations of their _arrangement_ , which was just another thing about him that Sam loved. Even so, she could still see the hurt or frustration in his eyes every time her guard went up. Which was often.

Suddenly the streetlights kicked on, the orange glow cutting into the blue dusk around them. Josh cleared his throat and forced a smile, shoving his hands into his pockets and falling into step beside her on the sidewalk.

"Besides, it's not like you _actually_ watched it – you were covering your eyes the whole time! You missed some very important parts! These movies teach you what _not_ to do in a real-life-scenario, you never know when that kind of intelligence may come in handy..."

"Well, I don't plan on ever being in any real-life-scenarios like _that_ ," she assured.

" _You never know_ ," Josh sang.

"Honestly, it's just completely unrealistic to me. Who has the _time_ to mastermind this kinda stuff? And how on earth am I supposed to believe that some girl could engage in physical, hand-to-hand combat and still keep a towel on or her make up perfect the whole time?" she rationalized. Josh chuckled at her reasoning without saying more, and they walked in silence for a moment, taking in the crisp, end-of-summer smell in the air. It was getting late and the days were getting a little shorter now that summer was waving goodbye and beckoning a bitter autumn to take her place. Sam brought her arms up and folded them in front of her, silencing a shudder.

"Oh, that reminds me," Josh suddenly said as he watched her try to brave the cold air of the evening. "I uh... I got you a li'l something," he mumbled. Sam glanced down at his shopping bag in his hand. Before the movie, they'd sauntered around the mall for a few hours to kill time, wandering from store to store. Sam had bought a sweater, Josh a pair of sneakers.

_And, apparently, something else as well._

"What? What's that?" she asked as she stared, bewildered, at the white box he now held in front of her.

"Just open it," he insisted, nudging it towards her. She held back a toothy grin, shaking her head, slightly embarrassed at his sweet gesture.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she muttered. Josh shrugged a bit.

"It's nothing, really. Just a little -" he paused as he watched her open the box, her eyes widening as she studied the thick, intricately woven red scarf inside. She pulled it out, letting it dangle down towards her knees as she admired it. "I dunno, it's dumb. I just saw you eyeing it earlier so... I got it while you were in the bathroom..." he said sheepishly. He was beginning to lose his nerve, however, when she seemed to be at a loss for words. "I mean, the receipt is in there," he blurted, his hand reaching into his shopping bag to retrieve the white paper, "you can take it back it you want-"

"No!" Sam exclaimed, loudly. She calmed a bit, wrapping the scarf around her neck twice. "No. I love it. _Really._ " She leaned forward, swiftly planting a kiss on his lips and he seemed so proud of himself that he had caused such a gesture. She giggled, petting the soft fabric. "How can I ever repay you?" she cooed, her voice taking on the likeliness of a southern belle. Josh's grin grew.

"I want to hold your hand," he stated simply. Sam narrowed her eyes, a wry smile on her lips.

" _Why_?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because, I do. I want to hold your hand. IN public. That's all I ask," he paused, looking a little lost in thought for a moment, before he added, "then maybe a BJ later but then that's _all_." Sam gasped, smacking him on the arm.

"You're such a pig," she laughed.

"Please?" he said, serious again, reaching his hand out for her to take. She looked around at the mostly deserted street. He wasn't asking for much, and surely it would mean the world to him. If she were truly being honest with herself, she would have admitted that she wanted to hold his hand, too. Slowly and determinedly, Sam let her arm fall down to her side before she reached out for his and grasped it tightly. His hands were warm... _big._ She glanced down to admire the way her milky white skin looked so nice next to his olive-toned complexion – She'd never noticed it quite like _this_ before. Her eyes finally found his again, and she couldn't help but feel her smile match his.

" _Seeeeee_ ," he said in almost a whisper. "It's not that bad."

"Yeah, yeah," she teased, and they both slowly turned to continue on their walk. Cars passed by, as did strangers on the street. After a few moments, Sam felt herself relax bit by bit, until holding his hand felt like second nature – like it felt _right_. Although they said nothing for what felt like forever, Sam finally let herself just be in the moment for once.

"I have to tell you something," he finally said, breaking the silence and his voice taking a sudden turn. Sam glanced up to see if his face reflected the seriousness of his tone – it did. Now his eyebrows were pulled together, his jaw clenched and his eyes down at the road; he was thinking. Over the last few weeks, Sam had discovered that Josh's biggest trait - his big mouth and inability to stop talking - was simply a way to keep himself from thinking too much. It was when he was silent that the wheels began to turn and he began to reflect and dissect everything. Josh's mind was brilliant, full of twists and cogs and wires…but it was his own worst enemy.

"What's up?"

"The BCPD called my parents today. They found Hannah's cell phone."

"What? When? Where?" Sam questioned, stopping in her tracks. She instantly wanted to drop his hand at the mention of Beth's name, but Josh clung on tighter.

"It was in a creek below the footbridge. It was turned in by a hiker, I guess."

"Oh my _God_ ," Sam breathed. "Does this mean-"

"It doesn't mean anything," Josh interrupted. "The phone was dead and waterlogged. Sam, it's been seven months... they are never going to find them alive-" Josh said, his voice shaking. Sam brought her free hand to his chest, pressing against it lightly. She opened her mouth to speak when...

"Sam! Josh!" they heard their names called out. Sam went white, her face warming as soon as she noticed Ashley and Chris headed straight towards them down the sidewalk. Instinctively, Sam stepped away from Josh and dropped his hand, noticing instantly the look of rejection on his face as she pulled away. She turned towards them, plastering on a nervous smile.

"H-Hey guys!" she called out, focusing all over attention on them. They picked up the pace and neared them, and Sam tried to ignore the fact that Josh was seething beside her.

"Fancy seeing you guys here!" Chris said, his voice reminiscent of a gentleman. He gave Josh a handshake and a sideways hug, Sam and Ashley embracing as well. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh. Just got done shopping," Sam said, holding up her bag. "You guys?"

"Thought we'd catch a movie," Ashley said happily, pointing down the street in the direction of the theater. "That funny one just came out," she added vaguely. Sam smiled courteously, nodding.

"Well, we won't keep you then-" she began, trying to make a clean break.

"No, hey, why don't you guys join us?" Chris offered, his eyes bright. "It'll be like a double date," he choked, catching himself at the end of his sentence "er... you know. Of friends," he added awkwardly. Ashley giggled, and Sam wondered just how they hadn't just bitten the bullet and considered themselves dating already. "The more the merrier!"

"No thanks," Josh answered shortly. Sam gawked at him, knowing instantly that he was upset. Chris nodded, seeming unmoved, and certainly not one to ask questions. "I've gotta get home, y'know?" he added with a tight, polite smile.

"Okay, no big deal," Chris shrugged, pointing in their direction. "Next time, right?" They all mumbled in agreement before splitting back off their opposite directions. Sam turned back, watching Chris and Ashley's silhouettes fade further in the distance. She had no idea how she was going to fix what she'd just done, something that she had done out of impulse. She cleared her throat, reaching for Josh's hand but he pulled away, saying nothing.

"Josh, I'm sorry, it's just-"

"It's just what, Sam?" he snapped, stopping in his tracks and turning towards her. She swallowed, nervous under his intense stare. She didn't know how to answer him.

"I just...I got scared," she said meekly. "I was caught off guard." He ran an irritated hand through his hair, his frustration growing on his face.

"What is this," he finally asked, gesturing between the two of them. "Because I feel like this is something wonderful, something worth announcing but every time we get close you just... you shut off! You run away!" Sam could feel a lump forming in her throat, knowing that nothing she said at this point was going to be what he wanted to hear. He was right. She was terrified. Sam could brave almost anything but her own feelings and emotions, and she had done nothing but lead him down what appeared to be a dead end road for months now- she couldn't even blame him for being upset.

"I'm... I'm sorry Josh." It seemed like it was better than nothing. He took in a deep breath. She knew he wanted more than she was capable of giving him. He deserved more than this. He didn't deserve to be left in her wake while she figured herself out.

"Forget I said anything," he mumbled, shoving his hands in his pocket and resuming their walk. "I'm good," he added with a forced smile. Sam knew he was faking it, though. And she knew that he had his own agenda and plans for their future, always holding out hope that they could be something more than what they were, she just didn't know how to give it to him. She glanced down at her feet as she walked, her scarf ends swaying in the breeze.

"Why did you get me the scarf?" she dared to ask. Josh's smile dissipated, his gape becoming more serious again, more intense. She could never understand how he could so animatedly jump from one emotion to the next in a split second. He was unnervingly complex, like a puzzle just waiting to be figured out.

"Well...I mean... we've been dating for six months today and-" Sam's face fell, she took in a sharp breath and turned from him slightly, but Josh grabbed a hold of her shoulders to guide her back to him. "I know, I _know_ you don't like that word..." he said, his voice full of wavering emotion, trying to mask his sadness in that statement and failing miserably. "And it's clear from tonight that you don't want to go public, you don't want a label, I _know._ But when you're hanging out with someone like this and kissing them and having sex with them all the time-" he paused, a sly smile and a devious look in his eyes, "And I mean, _ALL_ the time-" Sam giggled a bit, the pink returning to her cheeks once more.

"Josh, quit it," she groaned, her face in her hands as she tried not to laugh at him at such a serious time. Even still, as light as he was trying to make of the situation, Sam couldn't help but notice the sadness he kept behind his eyes.

"I don't know what to call it, Sam. What to call us-"

"We're frie-"

" _Bullshit,_ Sam _!"_ Sam saw something in him snap. No more jokes. No more fun and games. " _No._ I don't accept that," he said, shaking his head and backing away from her as his tone changed to one she'd never heard before. She took a small step back, giving him a little more space. He took in a deep breath, exhaled. He peered at her, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. That's not enough, anymore," he said with a dejected shrug. "That's not enough for me." And he walked on, leaving Sam behind to figure out the mess she'd gotten herself into.

* * *

 **Josh Missing** – _Week 3 (cont)_

"This was the shit I _distinctly_ said we were _not_ going to do, Samantha!" Mike scolded harshly, pulling her up out of water. Sam choked on the stale cavern water, her body numb from the cold. He dragged her over as Chris fished out Sam's backpack with a stick, everyone saying a silent _thanks_ that it was waterproof. Sam searched around fearfully, looking for the wendigo to see nothing.

"Where is it? Where did it go?" She asked frantically. Mike wrapped Sam in his jacket, trying his best to get her warm.

"It was a bat," Chris said, shaking off her bag.

"What the _hell_!" Sam yelled through chattering teeth. "Since when does a bat make that noise!?"

"Come on, Sam. We have to get you warm," Mike said softer now, rubbing her back and helping her up. "We don't have long, but we should try to make a fire. You're not gonna be able to make it much farther in completely soaked clothes."

"I'm not going to make it much farther in half-soaked clothes," Ashley shivered. "I second the fire idea." Mike and Chris started rifling though Sam's backpack, trying to pull out a few materials to get a fire started.

"We take a short break to get warm but then we move. We can't be sitting ducks down here," Mike instructed, always the leader. Sam's shaking hands grabbed her bag, pulling out a spare pair of athletic pants and long shirt, her fingers barely mobile from the cold.

"Guys, I found Hannah's journal," she said, her lung aching. Chris looked up from his kindling, a confused look on his face.

"How did Hannah have a journal down here?" he asked. Sam shrugged, trying to pull apart the wet and sticking pages as she changed.

"She must have found one that belonged to a miner and took it over," she said, barely making out the scribbles in the book. "But I saw Josh's writing, he wrote in here too!"

"What does it say?" Ashley asked, crouching beside Sam, her eyes feverishly taking in the pages.

"Well...before, it said that Hannah ate Beth," Sam finally disclosed. Ashley gasped, having never heard the full story behind the twins since they'd been back up. Her fingertips covered her mouth as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Oh no," she breathed, her voice cracking. "Oh, _no no no_. Poor Hannah!" Sam nodded.

"That's why Hannah turned into one of those things, because she succumbed to the wendigo spirit and it possessed her." Sam tilted the book as she flipped through the pages, Hannah's writing becoming more frantic and disoriented with each page turn. Then, she got to where she'd seen before, where Josh had written. Her eyes locked onto his words, trying to decipher them now that the journal was almost completely ruined.

 _Sam was right_ she reread. _Hannah was alive! But she isn't Hannah anymore._

Sam felt her breath hitch as she read his words, her eyes not moving fast enough to drink it all in.

"Ladies I present to you... FIRE!" Chris announced proudly, a tiny flame flickering near his feet. Ashley scurried over, instantly warming her hands as Chris knelt down beside her, trying to wrap her in his own warmth. Mike huddled down as well.

"Sam, get over here and get warm," he instructed. Without taking her eyes off the book, she scooted nearer, feeling the warmth of the fire against her legs.

_I haven't seen Hannah since she dragged me away, if I can even call her Hannah anymore. I think she recognized me. If she was real at all. I don't know what's real or not anymore. I hear things and see things... I can't remember things, but I know that I'm crazy now. I have moments where I feel lucid but it passes so quickly, I've never felt like this before. They are going to come after me. I hear them._

_I know I am going to die down here. I gotta be quiet. Hannah and Beth will hear me._

Aside from moments of clarity, it was a mixture of movie quotes and nonsense; Sam didn't know what to make of it. Some of it wasn't even words, just scribbles.

_They're telling me to eat. I need to hide. Need to get out of here. Sometimes I look but there are no doors. Only walls. He keeps telling me to eat. EAT! EAT! I don't want to. I know what will happen. I'll become one. They want me, they want me to be one of them. No doors. Only tunnels. Tunnels to the lodge, tunnels to the cabin. Tunnels to the hospital. I have to go to the hospital. Dr. Hill will see me now._

Sam shook her head, wishing that somehow any of this made sense; what she could gather was that Josh was wavering in and out of sanity, but he seemed to know his way around the tunnels.

_I saw a man today, he called out my name. I don't think he was real though, probably just another vision. He had a vest. He knew my name. I stayed really quiet. Can't let them find me. Can't get lost._

"Guys, I think Josh hid from a searcher because he thought it was a hallucination," Sam breathed.

"Great, that would have saved us a trip," Mike muttered under his breath.

_Left tunnel. Long walk. Pass the elevator. Climb up. Left Tunnel. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Wait til after they leave._

Sam reread the words over and over before it finally clicked.

"I know where he went," Sam said, her mouth dry and her heart racing. "He left directions."

* * *

**September, 2014** _– Seven Months after the twin's disappearance_

"Josh, _open_ the _door_!" Sam demanded, reaching up to pound on it once again. The thumps echoed down his long hallway of his empty house- Sam had no idea where his parents were this time, but she wasn't surprised. They were never home. Never there for him.

"I don't want to see you right now," he yelled back, his voice muffled.

"That's not fair. I _never_ shut my door on you!" Sam argued. Josh swung the door open, looking less than amused with her comment.

"No, you just shut me out in _other_ ways," he combated.

"That's _low_ ," she said, her eyes narrowed. He rolled his eyes.

" _Why_ are you even here, Sam?" he asked, shaking his head. "Clearly you don't want to be."

"I needed to make sure you weren't going to do anything stupid," she said through gritted teeth, the both of them reaching their limit. Josh's eyes widened, an eerie look of contemplation on his before he brought his hand up to his head, miming a handgun and pulling the trigger. Sam shoved him back angrily, pushing her way through the door.

"Do you think that's funny? Is this a _joke_ to you?" She screamed through his laughter.

"It's all a joke, right Sam? A big fucking joke!" he yelled.

"Don't you dare yell at me, Josh! I have done nothing but be there for you!" Sam challenged, her finger in his face menacingly.

"But you can't just drop your guard and be with me, like really, _truly_ be with me?" he asked, his voice softening. He neared her, his hand on her cheek as he tried to make her eyes connect with his, tried to let her see his sincerity. "Sam, I don't want to be your dirty little secret. You act like you're ashamed of this, and it hurts. How is this fair?"

"Why do you even _want_ to be with me if I hurt you so badly?" her voice cracked.

"Because… I love you."

 _There._ He'd said it. Josh hadn't said those words since the night they were first intimate – probably because she'd never found her nerve to say it back. She shook away tears, her throat feeling like it was on fire from the giant lump in it.

"Say _something_ ," he begged, his own eyes full of tears now. "Why can't you just say it?" he asked, raising his voice. He leaned in, taking her hands in his and pleading. "Just _say_ it, I _know_ you feel it. I know you love me too I just want to hear it!"

"I _can't_!" Sam screamed, ripping her hands away from him. "I can't say it because I don't know if I love you or if I love the idea of you or if I just want to be there for you and it's too much, Josh! It's _too_ _much_!" she sobbed. "I can't be the only person you have. I can't be the only person there for you, it's _too_ hard!" Josh's face sobered, he stared at her, confused.

"But... I've been _better_ , Sam. I've tried so hard for you-"

"Don't you get it, Josh? _That's_ the problem! You can't do it for me, you have to do it for you!" So much was running through Sam's mind and she hated herself for this. She wanted nothing more than to feel like a normal person but nothing was normal about Josh and Sam, other than the fact that they were two young people who had a deep, unbreakable connection and attraction. But how was she supposed to be with someone so unstable? Especially as she realized that she had her own issues to deal with? Josh wasn't a lost cause, but there was still so much healing to be done and the pressure of being his own saving grace had been crushing her soul for months now.

"Why won't you let me make you happy?" Those words stung. She knew it was all he wanted; to make her happy.

"Because...how am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to be happy with you while Beth and Hannah are missing? How is that fair?" And it wasn't until it left her mouth that Sam realized that the sense of _wrongness_ that constantly plagued her was survivor's guilt – that she could go on living a happy life with their brother, of all people, and that Beth and Hannah were gone. Why hadn't she figured this out sooner?

"Life isn't fair, Sam! I don't know how I am supposed to be happy with my sisters dead but I am trying!" He said, his arms in the air exasperatedly.

"They're just missing!" Sam blurted. "You don't know that they are dead." Josh scoffed, nearing her.

"For someone so smart, you are so _damn_ naive, Samantha. If I have to face that my sisters are dead, you have to, too!" Those last words felt like a dagger in her heart, and suddenly Samantha wasn't quite sure what she was doing there anymore.

Maybe that had been it all along. Josh was a distraction from ever facing the fact that she lost her best friend. Maybe he was her last link. Either way... how could she call that love?

Suddenly it all felt so... _tarnished_. Finding love out of such a gruesome situation. If Hannah and Beth had still been alive, would Sam and Josh have ever found one another? She was scared. She was scared that so much of her wished that Hannah and Beth were still here... but she was scared of what life would be like if they hadn't disappeared, and the fact that the thought even raced through her mind made her sick with herself.

"This isn't going to work," she said simply, wiping a tear away. "I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend." She turned, walking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine, Sam! You've been looking for a reason to run, well here it is! Run away! Like they all do! Nothing new to me!" He screamed after her. Sam didn't look back, her legs propelling her forward before she could change her mind, the sting of the wind from Josh's slamming door hitting her back on the way out.

* * *

_**To Be Continued…** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming Up Next...  
> Chapter 8: Get It Right  
> Sam, Chris, Ashley and Mike's rescue mission becomes incredibly dangerous.  
> In the past, Josh and Sam get some closure on their failed relationship.


	8. Get It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8: Get It Right  
> Sam, Chris, Ashley and Mike's rescue mission becomes incredibly dangerous.  
> In the past, Josh and Sam get some closure on their failed relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Lotsa mine action in this one because you guys are amazing reviewers and you're spoiled and I love you, my lil babies. ENJOY!

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 8:**

_Get It Right_

* * *

_**Night is not something to** _

_**endure until dawn. It is an** _

_**element like wind or fire.** _

_**Darkness is its own kingdom;** _

_**it moves to its own laws,** _

_**and many living things** _

_**dwell in it.** _

_**-Patricia A. McKillip** _

* * *

_**Josh Missing**  – Week 3 (cont)_

Sam led the group down a long passageway in the mines, her eyes avidly shifting from the pages in front of her to her bleak surroundings. She had more pep in her step now that she wasn't soaking wet and they weren't wandering aimlessly, and she was afraid that one wrong turn could lead them in the exact opposite place they wanted to go.

Sam tried not to think about what she was going to find when they reached the end of her instructions. According to Hannah's scribblings, she'd survived about 30 days before she'd succumbed to the wendigo spirit. They were just passing half that time, so Sam held onto hope that Josh was still alive…  _somehow._  She had to keep that faith, for now it was all that moved her forward from this point on.

_Blind faith._

"How do you even know he went this way? He was out of his gourd when he wrote this," Mike asked, still clutching his shotgun in front of him, constantly looking over his shoulder. So far they'd yet to see any wendigo, and he had hoped that they'd all died in the lodge fire… but he realized there was no way to be completely sure. Better safe than sorry, he figured.

"I don't," Sam answered plainly, her voice far away as she concentrated on the pages. "But I have a feeling that he went to the hospital."

"Why would he go to the hospital?" Chris asked her.

"Because he thinks that Dr. Hill is waiting for him there. Every time he's gotten sick he's gone to the hospital. If he knows he's sick, like he says in this journal, he's taking himself to the hospital," Sam deduced, hoping with all her heart that she wasn't wrong.

"I hate that fucking hospital," Mike muttered under his breath, memories of that night flooding back to him as he trudged along. He paused, turning toward Sam. "Wait, he  _couldn't_  have gone to the hospital - we blew it up, remember?" Sam nodded, but her steps didn't falter.

" _We_  know that. But  _Josh_  doesn't. So hopefully we will find him on the way," she reasoned. "Maybe in the tunnels or the subbasement, if it is still intact."

_Left Tunnel. Long Walk. Pass the elevator. Climb up. Left tunnel. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Wait til after they leave._

Sam just kept repeating it over and over again in her head, as if it were a mantra. She walked forward, leading the group into a large, open cavern and there in front of them stood an old, dilapidated elevator. So far, based on going through the left tunnel and following the long corridor as instructed, they'd been led right where Josh had said they would be. She sighed in relief, just knowing she hadn't made a huge and potentially fatal mistake taking a crazy person's word. She turned towards everyone, a smug smile on her lips.

" _Pass the elevator_ ," she said triumphantly, gesturing towards the rusty, old monster. They all looked around in awe; old mining equipment was strewn about and it must not have been used in decades. Everything was covered in dirt and dust, but still preserved like a time capsule. Sam stared at the elevator apprehensively; luckily for them, they didn't have to try to get it to work (it was clearly busted). Unluckily for them, however, they still had to find a way to climb up.

Sam hurried over to the large rock wall in front of her, her hands scaling the it as she looked for the best route up. It wasn't much use; the ridges were far too narrow for any good footing, and even someone with a lot experience in rock climbing would have a hard time conquering it. Mike continued to search around, looking for another way up, while Chris and Ashley watched on in awe.

"How on earth would Josh have climbed this?" Chris asked in disbelief. "That kid skipped climbing class like…  _every_  day."

"Yeah, he wasn't too athletic, was he?" Sam snorted, still trying to pull herself up onto a thin ledge. She lost her footing, slipping down and landing on the ground right on her tailbone with a thump. " _Owowowow_!" she moaned, the pain ripping through her.

"Sam! Are you alright?" Ashley asked, running to her friend's side. Sam pounded her fist into the ground, frustratedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she grunted, feeling foolish as Ash helped her up and she dusted herself off. "You'd have thought my backpack would have cushioned the blow."

"This is gonna be impossible," Chris groaned, adjusting his glasses on his nose to get a better look at the wall.

"Unless we take this ladder," Mike yelled over from a few feet away, pointing to an old, rotted out, wooden ladder behind the elevator.

"Thank  _God_ ," Sam mumbled, still rubbing her aching back. "C'mon, let's go." Sam neared it first, grabbing ahold of the rough, splintering wood and pulling herself up. Everyone winced when they heard the ladder creak under her weight. She peered down at them, only a few feet off the ground. "Uh, we should take this one at a time. This thing is about to crumble underneath me," she warned. They all silently agreed, waiting for her to reach the top and declare that the coast was clear.

Next went Mike, taking his rifle strap and tossing the shotgun on his back, climbing up with caution, as his weight was substantially more than Sam. He flinched at the sound of the wood crackling under one of his feet, picking up the pace. He reached the top, Sam reaching down to help pull him over. He stood and they both looked around to see three tunnels; one was boarded up on the right, the middle one was well-lit with old mining lights, and the last was on the left, dark and dreary.

"Let me guess… we go left?" Mike said dryly. Sam smirked.

"How'd you guess?" They glanced back down to see Chris halfway up, Ashley waiting impatiently behind him to start climbing up right after him. Once Chris reached the ledge he glanced down at Ashley when he noticed something he hadn't before. Back in a corner near the opening they'd come through to enter the cavern, there was what appeared to be a dead elk, it's neck ripped open. He squinted to get a better view before he realized that it was still fresh. He swallowed, trying his best not to panic Ashley but to coax her along.

"Hey Ash, come on up now," he ordered, his voice thin and higher than usual. She frowned, glancing up at him.

"Chris, what's  _wrong_?" she asked, her voice dripping with trepidation.

" _Just_ … c'mon hurry up," he said shortly. Mike and Sam watched Chris' eyes before they locked on to the carcass, instantly realizing that this might mean that a wendigo was near.

"Yeah, Ash, hurry up," Sam added, reaching down for Ashley to grab her hand, but she was frozen solid in fear.

"What  _is_  it? You guys are freaking me out!" Ashley said frantically. Suddenly, a shriek ripped through the cave, echoing around them and making it hard to pinpoint the exact location it was coming from. Ashley's eyes widened to an almost inhuman size. "That was  _not_  a bat!" Ashley yelled. All of a sudden, the wooden step broke underneath her foot and caused Ashley to slip, still holding on for dear life at least 50 feet above the ground. " _Help_!" she shouted, her eyes full of fear.

"Hold on Ash!" Chris yelled, instinctively beginning to climb back onto the ladder to retrieve her. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of white, scurrying across the cavern wall. The ladder groaned beneath him and Chris pulled back, realizing that if he put his weight on it, the ladder would surely send he and Ashley falling to the ground and right into the open for the wendigo to attack.

"Get me out of here!" she screamed, kicking her legs frantically.

"Ashley, you have to stay still! Don't move!" Sam ordered, but it was easier said than done, since she was hanging by her arms in thin air. Sam removed her backpack. "Grab my legs!" she yelled out to the guys, who each took an ankle as Sam bent over the ledge. Another ungodly scream was emitted, but Sam couldn't stop now. She lurched forward, hearing Mike and Chris grunt at the pressure of her dead weight, their fingers digging into Sam's ankle to keep her anchored. She pawed at Ashley, who gripped onto Sam, the girls practically in an embrace. "Pull us up!" Sam yelled through the strain. The men heaved, dragging them both back up onto the ledge and practically into a heap on top of one another.

Just as Sam tired to catch her breath, it hitched again as a wendigo swiftly crawled up the wall, nearing them with its jagged and unnatural movements. They all froze, trying everything in their power to remain motionless and undetected as the wendigo tried to suss them out. It crawled closer and Sam had forgotten how utterly atrocious those things were until its rotted, peeling face was a mere few inches from her. She held her breath, trying to keep herself calm and steady, and after a couple of seconds of staring directly through her, the wendigo scrambled away down the left-hand tunnel.

"Well…I guess that answers  _that_  question," Mike quipped, the first to break the silence once he'd felt like the wendigo was far enough away. They all slowly got to their feet, the sense of doom and the realness of the situation beginning to weigh down upon them.

"I really didn't ever want to see one of those things again," Ashley whimpered, gripping onto Chris, who held her comfortingly in return.

"You're preaching to the choir, Ash," Sam sighed. Even still, she was now more determined than ever to get to Josh. "Come on, guys. We have to keep moving."

"Which way are we going now?" Chris asked, but from his tone, he already knew the answer to that.

"Left," Sam and Mike said together, flatly. Ashley groaned into her hands.

"Oh, the way the horrifying monster just went," Chris nodded. "Of course."

* * *

 **October, 2014**  –  _Eight Months after the twins' disappearance_

_Josh,_

_Stop calling. Stop writing. I have asked you so many times to give me my space, but you don't seem to want to listen. It's over._

Sam stared at her computer screen, the curser blinking at the end of her sentence like a heartbeat.

_Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-Thump._

She exhaled woefully, pressing her finger down on the  _backspace_  button and watching her words disappear. It didn't matter what she wrote to him; Josh couldn't seem to let go. Sam  _hated_  this. This is why she had been hesitant to get involved with him in the first place, and in the process she'd lost her best friend. The only person Sam would have wanted to even talk about the Josh situation with was ironically Josh.

_But she couldn't._

It'd been two weeks, and the more time had passed, the more she realized that she had so much to work on as a person. She'd decided to start seeing her college counselor, and she'd realized that her co-dependency and her incessant need to heal Josh came from a deep well of insecurity and emotional fear of commitment within herself.

Even still, she was  _aching._  She missed him more than she could fathom, but until he was able to find the right support system and cope with his grief, she couldn't be his  _only_  lifeline. Things had just been so hard since everything had happened in February, but Sam could see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now that she was really processing it all, things were starting the straighten out. Even in the two weeks since she'd cut Josh off, her concentration and her test scores had increased.

She was becoming more social, making some friends around campus, and she'd even started studying with a friend, Tom, most evenings. Things were really starting to get better; she just hoped with all of her heart that things were getting better for Josh, too. She was hoping that the time apart was helping him straighten out his own life and feelings, to not depend so much on other people, herself specifically, to find some kind of happiness.

_Knock knock knock_

She glanced at her clock. It was a little before 7 pm, which meant that was Tom meeting her to walk to the library. She stood, checking herself out in the mirror – her face was vibrant, her cheeks dusted with a light rouge. She felt good.

_Confident._

Tom was cute...  _simple._  Sam could kind of tell that he liked her, but she was trying to keep her distance. She didn't need to jump from one situation to another, and even at that rate Sam knew she wasn't ready. She still cared for Josh more than she could express, and it made her heart hurt when she truly thought about moving on, although she knew it would eventually happen  _someday._

She hurried over to the door, whipping it open with a smile, but her smile faded the moment she saw Josh instead of Tom.

 _"Josh,"_  she choked, her voice thin and weak. "Wh-what are you doing here?" She shifted her weight upon her legs, her arms folding across her chest. Josh just stood there in front of her, a smug smile on his lips. He took his hand out from behind his back and presented Sam with the smallest, cutest kitten she'd ever seen in her life. She gasped, her hands instinctively jetting out to grab it, but she held herself back.

"Ta-daaaaa," he said with such a lack of enthusiasm it was almost humorous. Sam clenched her jaw, unable to take her eyes off of the stripped little tabby with huge gray eyes. She narrowed her eyes at Josh.

"This is low," she said, a hint of amusement in her tone.  _"So_  unfair."

"I got him for you."

" _Why?"_  Sam said, her words exhausted and frustrated.

"Because you love animals. And I know Pepper died a few months ago-" he said, his demeanor suddenly bashful and under-confident, even for Josh. Of course, he was referring to her childhood cat, Pepper, who'd been put down recently. He sighed a hopeless sigh before, "I miss my best friend, Sam," he finally said, his stare burning into her, almost mesmerizing. Sam was silent for a moment, her eyes falling back down to the adorable kitten. She reluctantly reached out, picking the kitten up out of Josh's hands and walking back into her dorm, the door left open for Josh to follow. He did.

Josh entered the room, and Sam could only imagine what was going through his head. She knew she'd be flooded with memories if she were to go into his room after all that had happened between them.

The kitten mewed softly, Sam's finger gently stroking it beneath the chin as she began to purr and lean into the affection. Sam was  _hooked._  She glanced over at Josh, who looked uncomfortable and unsure of what to do with himself.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" she asked. Josh gave a halfhearted shrug.

"Not sure. Some old lady had a bunch of them in a box on the sidewalk," he admitted. "I've just been calling it Garbage after its favorite food," he joked. Sam grinned down at the kitten, scrunching her nose and shaking her head.

"Well, I'll definitely be renaming him," she concluded, then picked up the kitten and checked under its tail. "I mean her. Pardon me, ma'am," she cooed at the kitten. She giggled a bit, finding it incredibly hard to be anything but happy in the presence of a kitten. Still, once she allowed the kitten onto the floor to sniff around, it was becoming increasingly apparent that it was just she and Josh alone in her her dorm. Regret started to set in; things were going so good for her. This could be just the relapse that she didn't need. She cleared her throat, crisscrossing her legs on her bed.

"So..." she breathed. "How have you been?" she asked, politely.

"Do you want the truth or a lie?" he asked, his gaze distant and focused in on some random center point on the floor. Sam sucked in a short, sharp breath.

"Surprise me."

" _Awful_ ," was his one-word response. Sam nodded. This was to be expected. "You?" he asked, his eyes hopeful. Sam knew he wanted her to be happy...but at the same time she knew that he wanted her to be miserable.

"I've been... alright. In some ways even  _good_ ," she admitted. He nodded. Sam hated the way it felt to talk to him like this – so distant. So formal. Long gone was the comfort and the ease, just as she'd feared. She felt a longing deep down inside of herself for things to just feel normal between them. But their normal wasn't necessarily  _healthy._  And they both had to be fully-formed, healthy individuals if they ever wanted to even entertain the idea of being a couple again.

"I know you probably don't believe me but... I'm glad that you're doing well," he said quietly but sincerely. Sam nodded somberly as the interaction became more and more painful the longer she allowed him to linger.

"Are you still seeing Dr. Hill? Keeping up on your meds?" Josh's face twisted to almost a smile, but it was far eerier than that.

"I don't think those questions are any of your business anymore, Samantha," Josh's low voice drawled, slowly. Sam's mouth ran dry, her jaw tightening. This was exactly what she had been afraid of.

_Knock knock knock_

_Shit._

That would be Tom. Josh's eyes flitted over to the door curiously, then back to Sam.

"Expecting company?" he asked, his mouth set into a hard line. Sam felt hot, clammy and nervous. She stood, hurrying over to the door. She opened it and sure enough there was Tom, books in hand, running a few minutes late.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I couldn't find my syllabus-" he stopped speaking, his gaze falling onto Josh who was now sitting on the edge of Sam's bed, waiting. "I-I'm...  _sorry._  Am I interrupting something?" he asked, hesitantly.

"Yes," Josh answered rudely from within the room. Sam shot Josh an aggravated glare before turning back to Tom.

" _No_ ," she corrected quickly, shaking her head. She chuckled nervously. "No. I'm sorry. Something just kinda...came up. This is Josh," she said, and a look of realization crossed Tom's face; Sam had told him all about Josh, so the mere mention of his name garnered a more understanding reaction from him.

"Ahhh,  _got_  it."

"I'm really sorry. You head down there and I'll be right behind you," she offered. He smiled, nodding.

"No problem. See you in a bit," he replied. He turned to leave but paused. "Your turn to bring the snacks this time," he instructed playfully.

"Aye aye, captain," she responded with a salute. She shut the door and then turned towards Josh slowly, her anger beginning to boil under the surface. " _What_  is the matter with  _you_?" she snapped, her face flushed.

"You sure didn't waste any time, did you?" he asked, green with jealousy. Sam neared him, angrily.

" _TOM_  is my  _STUDY_  partner," she seethed. "A-and what I choose to do with my time is none of your business, anymore!"

"Don't you mean,  _who?,"_  Josh said, snidely.

"Get out, Josh. This was a mistake," she said, throwing her hands in the air out of mere frustration. She stomped over to her closet, grabbing a box out of it and walking it over to him, shoving it at his chest. "And here, take this with you," she demanded. Josh looked down at the box; various, small belongings he'd left over time; Deodorant. A razor. A toothbrush. An old movie stub from one of their dates. The T-shirt she'd begged him for that she liked to sleep in.

"You really like twisting that knife, don't you, Sam?" Sam's forehead creased, a wave of sympathy and guilt washing over her. She felt a lump forming in her throat.

"I'm not trying to hurt you," she squeaked, her arms falling to her sides limply. Josh neared her slowly, propping the box between his hip and his arm, the other hand reaching forward. He pressed his hand to her cheek, and Sam let herself lean into it. He brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, then her chin, his eyes stabbing into her. She felt powerless, immobile under his gaze. She missed the way his skin felt against hers, flashes of laughter and passion and all that came with it playing in her mind like a movie with that one touch. He leaned down and Sam felt her breathing stop, especially as he brought his face closer to hers. And worse, she lets him.

As his lips press softly against hers, the rest of the room fell away. Sam felt her heart missing beats, stuck between wanting to use her hands to pull him close or push him away, and since she couldn't make up her mind she just stood there, letting herself get lost in his scent and his taste. It's like an alcoholic taking a sip. Does it ruin the recovery? That choice was hers and hers alone at this point – and Josh was going to make it as hard on her as possible.

He pulled away and Sam couldn't figure out if she has just been given the kiss of life or death.

Josh's stare continued to rip through her, always tearing down her walls.

"This is far from over," he whispered. And just like everything Josh had ever said to her, Sam couldn't decipher if that was a promise or a threat.

* * *

 **Josh Missing**  –  _Week 3 (cont)_

_Left tunnel._

They'd followed it, carefully and quietly, pausing whenever they thought they'd heard the faint sound of a wendigo in the distance, then carrying on. Sam checked her watch –  _3:55 pm_. It was slow going, but Sam knew they only had a few more hours of daylight left before things were going to get a lot more complicated.

"It's disorienting down here," Ashley said quietly, shuddering. "I feel like we've been walking in circles."

"You think we're really gonna find him?" Chris asked. Now was Sam's turn to shudder. She'd been trying hard not to think about that part, specifically what state she'd find him in. It was hard to think back over the last year and remember who he had been to her versus who he'd become. Sam from a year ago never would have believed that Josh would have pulled such an elaborate prank, but after their break up... she could totally see it.

She thought about his revenge and how it had all been for Hannah and Beth, but it still bothered her that Chris had such a short end of the stick that night, especially when he hadn't even participated. Regardless of Josh's insanity, Sam truly believed that somewhere inside of him, he'd put Ashley though that night to punish her but Chris through that night to finally bite the bullet and figure out what she'd meant to him.

And even though it was demented and cruel and awful... it worked. Sam reflected on that as she glanced back at Chris and Ashley, their hands interlaced as they walked in step. Sam truly believed it would have never happened any other way. It was sickening, however, to think about thanking him for bringing them together – as someone held prisoner is supposed to thank their captive for bringing them food and water.

But Sam also wondered...why her? After everything they'd been through. Sam knew that Josh's revenge that night on Sam had nothing to do with his sisters; Josh was out for her for hurting him. For turning her back on him. For running away anytime things got emotional or scary like she had.

For giving up on him.

She wasn't going to give up now. No matter how bleak it was becoming.

"I  _know_  we're gonna find him," she finally answered Chris' question.

Then, they heard it. A disembodied shriek for deep within the mines, calling out from behind them. It was far enough away that they couldn't see anything, but close enough that it was time to get moving.

The problem was that now time was running out. If they wanted to get out of there before too long after nightfall and increase their chances of making it out alive, they couldn't hide against the wall and wait for this one to pass.

"We're gonna run," Sam instructed.

"But they can't see us when-" Ashley began.

"There's no time for that now," Sam responded urgently, turning from them and beginning to jog forward. "Follow me and don't look back!"

Sam's feet moved quickly beneath her, her jog breaking out into a sprint. She could hear the collective footsteps behind her, hear their already ragged breathing. Mike ran beside her, his strides matching hers. Sam could see a fork ahead. She frantically looked down at the journal.

_Left Tunnel. Long Walk. Pass the elevator. Climb up. Left tunnel. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Wait til after they leave._

"Left!" she called out, her voice hoarse. Together they all followed the left turn, another scream ripping out behind them and nipping at their heels. The passageway was getting narrower with nowhere to hide.

Another fork.

"Right!" she yelled behind her. She was already getting winded, the dust from the cavern filling her lungs and making it hard to breathe.

They continued forward, trying to ignore the sounds of the wendigo calls, now seemingly coming from all directions. It was almost as though they were trying to communicate with one another.

Unexpectedly, Sam slipped and fell forward, her knee crashing into the hard ground, sending a sharp, horrific pain up her thigh and down her shin.

"SAM!" Mike called out, slowing his feet and turning back for her. He grabbed her arm, helping her up. Sam reached forward, the pages in the journal had flown everywhere. Ashley and Chris attempted to help pick them up, but then another shriek, and when Sam made the mistake of looking back she saw a wendigo on the ceiling, man feet behind them.

"Go!" she screamed, grabbing what papers she could and back to sprinting again. Every time she placed pressure on her knee she thought she was going to pass out from the pain, but there was no way to stop now. "Right!"

When they made it to this fork, another wendigo lunged out from the left-side, its long, bony arms reaching outward towards them. Ashley felt her jacket pull tightly, pressing to her neck as she realized she'd been snagged.

" _No_! Chris!" she screamed. Chris didn't even have to turn to realize what had happened, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he ignited his torch. He grabbed Ashley's hand, the sound of the fabric of her hood ripping out as he clutched her to his chest and shot off the torch at the wendigo, who immediately set on fire, it's dry and tough skin perfect for combustion.

Chris pushed Ashley forward, ahead of himself as he closed off the group, turning back frequently to make sure there wasn't a wendigo hot on their tails. He watched in smug satisfaction as the burning wendigo writhed and screamed on the ground behind them, getting smaller and smaller in the distance as they ran forward.

"Left!" Sam called out, but this time when they turned, it wasn't a tunnel.

Sam, Chris, Mike and Ashley stared in complete and utter horror and the sight before them. Instead of a tunnel, they were now in a huge, bricked room with white daylight pouring in from high above them. In the middle of the room was a pile of bodies and gore, like one big dumping ground for all of the missing hikers, vagabonds and vagrants that had disappeared mysteriously on the Mountain. It was piled terrifyingly high, and the smell was atrocious.

_Wait for them to leave._

Sam stared around, realizing that this room had multiple entrances.

"I think this is a congregating spot for them... like a waterhole," Mike expressed, his voice ragged as he was out of breath. They heard another shriek, probably from the other wendigo that had been trailing them. Sam scanned the room for a hiding place; one of the tunnels was boarded up, but if they squeezed there was enough room for them to stay still and undetected behind it.

"This way,"she ordered, limping towards the wooded up area and squeezing her body in. Chris pushed Ashley forward, not allowing her to get left behind again. Next came Chris, who found it slightly difficult, his heavy coat getting stuck on the jagged and splintering wood. He had barely made it though when the wendigo entered the room, Mike still waiting out in plain site.

"Mike, don't move," Sam whispered, and the look of terror on Mike's face was haunting. He swallowed, hard, his back to the wendigo as it scurried around the room, sniffing and trying to focus its attention on anything that was moving.

Another wendigo entered. Then another.

_Wait for them to leave._

As the terror in Mike began to grow, he started to attempt to still carefully and slowly slide himself behind the boards. Bad idea, as a cracking piece of wood sent the two wendigo down next to him. He stood frozen, squeezing his eyes shut as they explored the area around them. Sam moved back when four of the wendigo's long, white fingers slid between the wooden planks, almost grazing her cheek as it gripped on. Sam had to get them to go the other way. Without another thought. Sam took the journal and tossed it through the wood planks, it landing with a loud thump on the other side of the room. The wendigo screeched, leaning toward the noise and the movement, the other jumping in on the first one, mistaking it for prey. With their fighting beginning to take place, Mike slid into the closed off tunnel with his friends, finally letting out an exhale.

"Thank God," he whispered, and all the friends stared through the open slots as they watched the wendigos turn away from one another and begin to devour a dead hiker from the top of the heap.

When two more entered, Sam realized that they were deep within the heart of the mines, but right in a busy area for the wendigo that remained on the mountain. And when two others came to join the feast, Sam realized they were going to be waiting for a long time.

And from what she could see of the daylight pouring in from the sky, the sun was starting to go down.

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming Up Next...  
> Chapter 9: Empty Spaces  
> The gang's journey in the mines brings them to a point of no return when they find what they've been searching for.  
> In the past, Sam receives an invitation in the mail.


	9. Empty Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9: Empty Spaces  
> The gang's journey in the mines brings them to a point of no return when they find what they've been searching for.  
> In the past, Sam receives an invitation in the mail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: GUYS. This is the final chapter before the multiple endings. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? I really wanted to drag it on but I feel like this story has been (mostly) told. Thank you all SO much for all of your reviews, follows, favorites, insight and love. I have truly loved writing this guy, and I still have a lot of plans for it. I still have two endings and a couple bonus chapters in store, so please continue to offer your support and CC!
> 
> Also… I have a few ideas for another series (Josh & Sam, of course) but I also have some ideas for an Ashley/Chris one-shot and (Lord help me) a few lil smut ideas. So… follow me! If you want mooooore.
> 
> BTW. Did a little folklore research on this chapter. It is detailed below, but I wanted you to know that it might not be 100% in line with the mythology portrayed in UD, but I loved the premise and loved the 'cure' that I found. So I'm goin' with it.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**CHAPTER 9:**

_Empty Spaces_

* * *

_"… **the unusual treatment of windigo [sic] psychosis is not**_

_**nutritional in nature. When ingestion is involved, its sequel** _

_**(vomiting to expel the windigo 'heart of ice') is given more** _

_**curative importance, challenging the view that the Northern** _

_**Algonquians somehow "grasped" the idea of a nutritive cure** _

_**for windigos."** _

_-J. Brown_

Northern Illinois University

AMERICAN ANTHROPOLOGIST, 1971

* * *

**Late January 2015 –** _Almost one year since the twins' disappearance_

****

_ **You Are Cordially** **Invited To:** _

**The Annual Blackwood Winter Getaway!**

On  _February_   _1st-2nd, 2015_

 **Where:** Washington Family Lodge

Mount Washington, Calgary, Canada

_..Let's keep the tradition alive.._

Please Join Joshua Washington and friends

For a fun-filled night of drinking and socializing!

Don't worry about anything except keeping warm.

Food, fun, booze & romance will be provided.

Please RSVP by:  _January 23rd, 2015_

Call or Text: Josh at  _587.555.3657_

_*In loving memory of Bethany and Hannah Washington*_

_*****_

 

Sam turned the invitation in her hand, over and over and over again, mindlessly.

_Maddeningly._

Just when she thought she'd gotten Joshua Washington out of her head, this had arrived in the mail.

_A reminder. As if he'd never left._

It wasn't that she wanted to  _forget_  Josh – because, honestly, who could forget someone like him? He'd finally began to let go after the night he'd brought her the kitten, finally gave her the space she'd so desperately needed to get her head on straight and yet… it didn't matter if he was there in the flesh or not; Josh was never too far away from Sam's mind.

The void he'd left in her life was like walking the earth with her chest ripped wide open – this massive, gaping, insatiable and unfillable empty space.

But she needed it; she needed that emptiness to truly know what it felt like to live without him. And she knew that he needed to know how it felt to live without her as well. At least for a little while.

She'd kept tabs on him, of course. Chris was an eager and well-informed source. She'd bumped into him the week before the invitation was delivered, so she hadn't totally been caught off guard by the fine stationary in the white envelope, but she hadn't imagined it would hit so hard when she had finally brought herself to open it.

"How's Josh?" she'd finally gotten the guts to ask. She'd just ran into Chris at Starbucks, and after some trivial conversation and playing polite catch-up during their chance encounter by the campus, the topic had naturally come up. She didn't like the way he looked at her when she asked the question, though – something in Chris' eyes told her that he knew everything. If he did know, however, he was kind enough not to mention it to her. He smiled, pushed his glasses up his nose and nodded.

"He's good, he's good," he'd said coolly. Typical bro-code. If Josh wasn't doing well and Chris knew the reason why, surely Chris would never let her know that. Still, he seemed sincere in his reply. "I mean, he's been busy. Like…really busy. I never get to see him. I guess he's been working on some project with his dad or something and apparently it's top secret. Who knows with that Hollywood shit, amirite?" Sam smiled, relieved to hear that Josh was at least being productive.

 _"Good,"_  she sighed. "I'm sure he could use the distraction, what with the anniversary coming up and all."

"Among other things," Chris mumbled. Pink rushed to Sam's cheeks, but she simply cleared her throat and moved on from the cryptic statement. Chris wasn't trying to torture her, but he was doing a good job of it anyhow. "So, are you gonna go then?"

"Oh, no," Sam chuckled, misunderstanding his reference and glancing at her watch. "My class doesn't start for another-"

"I meant to the party? Didn't you get your invitation yet?" Sam froze. If it was the annual get-together that the Washingtons usually hosted at the lodge this time of year, then that was far too macabre – even for Josh. "He said he'd sent them to everyone," Chris mused, aloud. Sam felt her face shift into a concerned, nervous smile as she shook her head.

"You really think this is a good idea? What with last year and all?"

"I mean… he  _seems_  like he's really in a good place. And quite honestly, I've known Josh since third grade and I've never seen him so engaged. He's motivated. Whatever he's been up to lately, I'm glad," Chris vouched, his eyes almost invisible behind the glare from his glasses. He picked up his coffee order, giving Sam a half-shrug. "And besides... It's probably healing for him in some way to go back up there. Especially with friends. I just figure if he needs us all there for moral support then it's the least we can do, right?"

"Right," Sam choked out, but inside her stomach had hardened into one, big knot. She couldn't even begin to imagine going back up there...but more than that, she couldn't even imagine facing Josh after everything they'd been through, after the way she so aggressively ended things with him.

So now it was here, the invitation, and she had no idea what she was going to do. How could she go up there and just be his friend after everything they'd gone through together? How could she go up there and visit the place that had both destroyed their spirits and yet led them to each other in the first place?

Garbage jumped up onto her lap, trying to paw at the envelope. She hadn't changed the cat's name like she'd said she would, although she had preferred to call her Garbie for short. Nothing else had stuck, and much to her dismay, Josh had been right – the cat had an insatiable love for the garbage bin and anything inside of it – old tuna cans, wadded up paper balls, candy wrappers... She sighed, leaning back on her couch and closing her eyes, letting the cat leap from her and play with the envelope on the floor.

Was she ready? Ready to face him and really make an effort to make things right with him? Lord knew she wanted to. Not a day went by that she didn't think about him or want to reach out to him, but she knew that his recovery was just as important, if not more so, than hers.

Garbie fell onto her side, attacking the envelope with a vengeance, when Sam saw something sticking out of it. She got up, kneeling down on the ground to pick up the near destroyed paper. She opened it, looking inside and pulling out something she hadn't noticed before. Behind the directions card, there was a picture enclosed.

It was picture of Josh and Sam – one that Beth had taken when they were all going to prom. She'd forgotten about that night, and now it seemed so long ago. Sam studied the picture. In it, Sam stood, fancy as ever in her blue gown and classic up-do. She was bent forward, blowing the camera a kiss. She smiled at the warmth of the memory.

"Come on, work it for ze camera, Samantha!" Beth had said in her best photographer impression – the faux French accent that came out more Swedish than anything. Sam had struck a few poses, but this had been the one Beth had caught a snap of. Nearby her was Josh, dressed in his tux for what was his senior prom (Sam, Hannah and Beth's junior). He looked so handsome as he stood off to the side of her, his trademark smirk plastered on his face.

Sam couldn't help but notice the way his stared at her in the picture with such intensity, even back then. She had writhed under his intense gaze many times when he would look at her. This was the first time she'd ever seen the way he looked at her when she wasn't watching. Something about it was almost haunting, especially after everything that they'd been through since.

_This was the first and only picture of Sam and Josh._

It was a peculiar feeling, actually, that two people could be considered best friends and have years upon years of history but no photographic evidence – if he up and disappeared for good, it would be like he'd never even existed in Sam's life at all. And something about that made her heart hurt. She sighed, flipping the photo over, and etched on the back was his smeared, erratic handwriting.

_It's always been you, Samantha._

* * *

**Josh Missing**   _– The Mines (cont)_

The four of them huddled together, trying in vain to stay warm and quiet while the wendigos continued to feed on their mountain of human flesh. Their hunger was unquenchable, and no amount seemed to be enough. Every couple of moments they would get into a scuffle, the greedy monsters never seeming to have enough and always wanting what the others had.

Sam had her knees up to her chest, her chin resting on them patiently. It was unsettling that the sun had set, and the rest of the group seemed just as anxious as she did. There was a piercing shriek, then a wendigo hurled another in their direction, almost slamming through the crudely boarded up tunnel entrance they were hiding in. The group jumped at the impact but remained stagnant, for they knew it was barely realistic to outrun/outsmart/outlast one wendigo, let alone eight.

Sam peered down the passageway, wondering if they should risk wandering down and finding another route to the hospital, but when she looked through the wooden planks, she could see Sanitarium etched over a far-off opening in the bricks, and Josh's words kept repeating in her head.

_Wait for them to leave._

"Hey, Sam?" Chris whispered. She almost wanted to silence him, but the sound of his voice was almost comforting, somehow. She looked to him, trying to read his face in the darkness. He looked tired. Apprehensive. She didn't respond, but her gaze did. "What if we-"

"I swear to  _God,_  Chris, if you ask me 'what if we don't find him' one more time, I'm gonna toss you out there on the top of the heap," she whispered back, harshly. She didn't want to even consider that outcome; she wasn't going to allow it. They were going to find Josh. And something inside of Sam kept promising her that they were going to find him alive.

"No, it's not that, it's just… what if when we find him he's….  _changed?"_  Sam knew immediately what he meant. What if he's turned into one of them? Sam cringed. The thought had crossed her mind a time or two, but just like the prospect of finding him dead or not at all, Sam had tried her best not to entertain it for very long. She pursed her lips together, her forehead furrowed as she really let herself absorb the idea.

"In the journal, Josh said that he thought Hannah had recognized him… that might be why she didn't kill him right away and let him live," Sam thought aloud. She peeked out the wooden slats again, and noticed that many of the wendigo had tapered off, probably to hunt for a livelier catch.

_Wait for them to leave._

"Now that you mention it, it kinda seemed like she might have," Mike said quietly, recalling the moment when she'd emerged from the water and snagged Josh.

"Are you saying you think he is gonna recognize us and not have us for dinner?" Chris asked, an eyebrow cocked. "Sorry, but I saw that thing slice a guy's head off with its bare hands. Forgive me for not being as trusting as you."

"Plus, Josh was insane as it was. Would he even have the ability to-"

"Guys, I don't  _know!"_  Sam snapped at their incessant questioning, her voice louder than she'd anticipated. Her hand cupped over her mouth and her head spun back towards the peephole, and she could see a wendigo had heard her. It was inching closer to their hideout, sniffling, listening. Sam held her breath, as she had to time and time again behind those boards.

Before the wendigo got close enough to detect them, there was a loud boom emitted from somewhere within the mines. Two of the wendigo in the room shrieked, the others popping their heads up to see what was going on. One by one, they scurried from the great room, and much to Sam's relief, the room was finally empty.

"We need to go," Sam breathed, seizing the opportunity.  _"Now!"_  Without a moment's hesitation, everyone in the group slid through the barricade and ran as fast as they could behind Sam, across the blood-soaked cobblestone ground and around the pile of bodies. A flash of something familiar in the moonlight caught Sam's eye and for a brief second she backtracked to pick the object up off the ground, pausing to look at it before she ran through the tunnel opening that read "Sanitarium" to catch up with the rest of the group.

"What's that?" Mike asked as Sam caught up with him, the two of them ran side-by-side. Once they'd rounded a corner and found a place to stop and catch their breath, Sam handed it to him. It was a cracked cell phone. Sam fell forward, her hands on her knees and she gasped for breath.

"It's Josh's phone," Sam said between breaths.

"How do you know?" Sam took the phone from his hands and flipped it over. It had a protective cover on it – specifically one she'd recognized. It was a replica of an old, 1990's GameBoy. She'd seen it numerous times over the last year, and she would recognize it anywhere. "I thought the police said that they had his phone?"

"Maybe they were wrong," Ashley shrugged, her face flushed from their sprint.

"Or maybe he had dual sims," Chris added. The rest of the group simply stared blankly at him, waiting for him to explain. He sighed. "Some phone companies will let you have the same number for more than one phone – for like businesses and stuff. They do this by providing dual sim cards. That would make the phone at the police station and this phone capable of making calls from the same number." They were always so thankful that Chris could be counted on to explain the geekier side of things. Sam nodded at it finally began to make sense.

"That would be why he was able to call my phone that night and leave me that voicemail… he was trying to reach me," Sam thought aloud. Her forehead creased as she began to walk forward again not that her breath had caught up to her. The rest of them followed.

"Why would he even need two phones?"

"Probably something to do with his stupid prank," Mike pointed out. "And hey, at least we know he made it this far," Mike added, breathing some rare but also morbid optimism into the situation.

"Ugh, don't remind me about that  _idiotic_  prank," Ashley huffed, silencing a shudder.

_Oh. Right._

In all the grief and insanity since the night of the wendigos, Sam had almost completely forgotten about Josh's prank – the one he stole from every horror movie she'd warned him not to watch. Saw, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scream, Silence of the Lambs... so many of the clues and references were there. And knowing what she knew now, it was crazy to think that they didn't put it all together before.

It continually impressed her, also, that Chris, Mike and Ashley were still out looking for him, even after everything he'd done to them. Well, at the same time, some might be surprised she was out looking for him after everything he'd done to her as well. But the truth was, she cared for him completely and one-hundred-percent without condition. It had taken a long time for her to learn how.

They continued onward, their flashlights starting to venture around the corridor to get an idea of where they were.

"This place starting to look a little more familiar, Mike?" Sam asked. Mike shined his flashlight around, his face grave. He shook his head.

"I  _hate_  this place," he repeated for what felt like the millionth time. Sam chuckled to herself. "I'm surprised it's even still here," he looked up, noticing the charred and hole-ridden ceiling above them. "Well,  _most_  of it, at least." From what they could tell, a large portion of the building had been totally destroyed by the fire, but the underground tunnels and basement of the building was still relatively intact. The skeleton of the hospital still stretched around them, reminding them of what once was.

"I don't even know where to begin to look," Sam sighed. They were stepping over debris and wreckage of the explosion, the whole place in shambles. Even still, it was a vast area to cover, and they were exceptionally aware that they could be tracked by a wendigo at any moment.

"Let's just hope that when we find him he's in one piece," Chris noted, then looked to Sam's unimpressed face and realized that perhaps that wasn't the best choice in words. "I mean  _mentally._  He wasn't exactly in good shape when I saw him last…"

"Let's just hope he's still  _human,"_  Mike added.

"I get it, guys. It seems pretty bleak," Sam snipped quickly, trying to stay optimistic. Her eyes searched desperately in the darkness for  _any_  sign of him. This was starting to seem more and more hopeless. "I don't see you guys offering up any suggestions, by the way."

"I have some," Ashley said meekly, the first thing she'd said in quite some time. They looked to her. She looked tired and ragged – better yet, they were all starting to show their exhaustion. "In some Algonquian legends, they say that there is a cure…" she said cryptically.

"You mean to tell me that we could have saved Hannah?" Sam asked, her eyes wide. Ashley's eyebrows lowered and she shook her head.

"No, I think she was too far gone," she said morosely.

"Oh, so now you're an expert on ancient Algonquian mythology, now?" Mike deadpanned, followed by a smug smirk. Ashley stopped walking, her face solemn.

"Make fun of me all you want, Mike, but people cope in different ways," she said seriously, shaking her head at his flippant attitude. "It was how I got through everything that had happened here… it's what I  _always_  do. I read. I do research. I learn. And yes, a lot of it seemed mythical and far-fetched but I never would have even believed that those things existed had I not seen them for myself, so maybe there's some truth in these cures." Ashley could tell from Mike's face that he regretted his comment, and muttered a quiet apology before the continued on.

"What did it say?" Sam ventured. What IF he was one of them? What were they going to do? She knew Mike's only solution, and it was loaded in his hands at that very moment. She didn't want to even think about that.

"Well, there are a couple legends, none have ever been successful or documented but… Because the wendigo curse is technically a possession, one solution is an exorcism with migis shells-"

"Great, I'm sure Sam packed those in her bag," Mike quipped. Ashley narrowed her eyes at him, and he smiled back apologetically. "I'm sorry, it just came out. I couldn't resist –  _continue_."

"Another solution is dumping hot suet down the possessed's throat-"

"And hot suet is….?" Chris quizzed.

"It's actually raw beef or mutton fat…" Ashley said, crinkling her nose in disgust. "I know we don't have any of that on hand, either but… the point of the hot suet is to cause the victim to vomit out the 'heart of ice' or the wendigo spirit."

"So, if Josh is transformed when we get to him, we just have to get him to puke. Great. Sounds easy enough," Sam said flatly. Ashley shrugged as Sam paused, hearing something echoing out from afar.

"I'm just trying to hel-"

 _"Shhh!"_  Sam whispered harshly, and they all quieted. Faintly, from some far off area of the tunnels, they could hear the sound of quiet, repetitive rambling. Sam felt her heart jump into her throat at the mere possibility that they were close. "Josh?" she called out, the rest of the group's eyes widening in terror at the idea that Sam was yelling  _anything_  out in a wendigo-infested underbelly of the hospital.

"Sam?" they heard a voice call back.

_It was definitely and unmistakably Josh's voice._

Without a second thought, Sam began running as fast as she could down a dark corridor.

"Sam,  _don't!"_  Ashley called out after her, the rest of them following right behind her to reel Sam back in. She was running in blind, just praying that she hadn't imagined it, her body overtaken by... something she couldn't even explain. After a moment, Mike was the one that snagged Sam, his strong arm hooking around her middle and dragging her back. Sam struggled to get out of his arms.

"Let me  _go!"_  she said through grunts, but Mike's hold only tightened. "I need to go to him!"

"Are you fucking  _crazy?"_  he said quietly but harshly. Sam stared at each of their faces, each one more disapproving than the next.

"Do you  _not_  remember that these things can mimic people's voices?" Chris asked, shaking his head angrily.

"And why would you even  _think_  about going in alone? We're in this together," Mike said sternly, his hands clasped down on each of Sam's shoulders. Sam calmed, taking in a deep breath. They were right. She felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips. These were her friends, and they were risking their lives to help her find Josh. She felt her heart swell with gratitude for their sacrifice, care and logic - clearly she wasn't in a mindset to be doing things logically anymore.

"Thanks, guys," she croaked simply, her wits coming about her again. Sam's eyes then fell to the big, iron door in front of them, only barely still on its hinges. She knew that he was behind there; her heart and her gut told her so. She took in a deep breath. "You guys ready?"

* * *

 **February 1** **st** **, 2015**  –  _Eleven Hours Until Dawn_

She'd made her decision to go...

_...as if there was ever even another choice._

Sam sat on the bus that careened up the mountain with her stomach in her throat. They'd been at it for what felt like forever, and she couldn't seem to get her nerves to calm. It was to be expected, but she'd had no idea just how nostalgic she'd feel taking this long bus ride alone. She'd usually just carpooled with the Washington's or Emily, but since she hadn't even totally decided until last minute that she was officially going to go, she'd missed the last chance.

"You sure you don't wanna just hitch a ride with me? We could blast some Aerosmith and really rock out..." Chris had tempted. He'd been meaning to ride up with Ashley, but since his final lecture got out at 5pm he'd had to lag behind. Sam smiled politely but told him she was fine with taking the bus. In reality, she'd RSVP'd yes, but she wouldn't have surprised herself if when the time came she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She wanted the option to opt out if she chickened out.

_But she kept thinking of Josh._

And then, after a solid 3 months of him respecting her need for space and leaving her alone as she'd asked, she'd received a text message from him.

_I understand if you don't but... it would mean a lot to me if you came, Sam. I've missed you. We don't have to talk about it, any of it. We can pretend it never happened just... just come._

And that was all it took. She was ready. Ready to face him; to be honest with herself. Ready to stop running, which is all he'd ever asked of her. She would be lying if he wasn't her sole reason for attending the party... if she could even call it that. Calling it a party just seemed so... wrong.

Even still, she'd put this off long enough. She'd healed, the best she could have in those couple months and from that Chris had said, Josh was doing exceptionally well. Maybe this time apart was just what they'd needed. Maybe the time apart was a chance for them to both grow and heal so that they could finally come together the way it was always meant to be: whole and healthy.

She tried not to get her hopes up, knowing that looks could be deceiving and after the way she'd left things with him, she was surprised she'd even received an invite at all. She figured she'd know her feelings as soon as she got to see him in person, reach out and touch him. She smiled to herself at the thought, knowing that even after everything that's happened, he still kept a piece of her heart. She reckoned he always would.

The bus had stopped off at a gas station, and Sam got out to stretch her legs and get a hot tea, but the Podunk town didn't have much in the way of selection. She settled for an Earle Grey, hoping the little bit of caffeine would help fuel her for that last hour of the trip, but not get her too jittery as coffee tended to.

As she went up to pay, she couldn't escape the news story.

"...that fateful night, one year ago today. Bob Washington is said to still be renovating the lodge, and some speculate even gearing up to possibly sell his real estate, but nothing has been confirmed..." Sam's eyes and ears caught an old TV on in the corner of the shop. She focused in on the sight of a well-kept news reporter who stood in the snow, her face perfectly primed for television as the local news took on the story with hearsay and supposition. Sam scoffed as the reporter jabbed her giant microphone in the direction of a local.

"I seen them girls a time or two in town. Seemed like sweet girls, such a shame..." Sam rolled her eyes at the 'news' as she slapped down a few dollars on the counter for her tea packet and hot water then trudged out into the cold before escaping quickly onto the warmth of the bus.

When she had finally gotten reception, the very first thing she'd heard was an interview with the BCPD Sheriff, detailing the events that she'd tried to overcome since the last year. Must have been a slow news day, as the whole region was in a tizzy of quiet whispers and speculation over what had happened to the Washington sisters a year ago today.

She knew it wasn't going to be easy, coming up here on the anniversary.

But she never knew it was going to be so hard.

Sam had heard enough of the interview, it was winding down to the end, anyway. She didn't need another reminder, she was living the constant turmoil as it were. And the fact was, even though she missed Hannah and Beth, there was a different melancholy in her heart as she headed up there. She wasn't just laying her friends to rest, once and for all (as how could they possibly keep holding onto hope? It'd been a year, it was time to let go). She was going up there to face her own monster, one that had terrified her to the point of running time and time and time again. She was going to conquer him. She was going to face him and tell him all the things she'd never had the courage to before. It was going to be hard, but she promised herself that at some point during their trip, Sam was going to tell Josh that she loved him and ask for his forgiveness, if he'd have her.

Finally concocting these musings into a coherent and definitive thought made her feel like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She felt like she could breathe...until she looked down and saw that with her reception had come a video message...and it was from Josh.

She took a breath and hit play.

"Well hello, friends and fans!" The sound of his voice was like a punch to her gut. Sam felt her heart begin to beat rapidly, her eyes slightly misting and she realized just how much she missed him. It was even more prevalent as she stared at him on her tiny phone screen. Josh was never meant to be seen on such a small screen; he was bigger than life. She smirked a bit as she watched him come in, adjusting the camera with a slightly embarrassed, "alright, let's do that again." She felt her breath hitch as his face drew nearer to her screen, almost as if he were going to walk right though it and be there with her in person.

In just a little while longer, he would be.

"Well hello, friends and fans! It's beyond awesome to have you guys all back this year." Chris was right – he did seem well. Better than he'd seemed in quite some time. It was almost like he was himself again, the dorky but endearing older brother of her best friend. Sam felt like she'd gone back in time. "First off, I gotta say that I'm  _suuuuper_  excited to welcome back all my pals to the annual Blackwood winter getaway!" he said dramatically, complete with his own cheering crowd sound affect. Sam felt a small chuckle escape her throat as she watched him, ever the cornball. Then she saw his face change, instantly reminded just how seamlessly he wavered in and out of his emotional states. His eyes darkened and his face grew more somber, and she knew exactly what was coming.

"So... um. Let me just, you know, take a moment to address the elephant in the room for a second. I know you're probably all worried about me, and I know its gonna be tough on all of us goin back... after what happened last year. But... I just want you all to know it means..." he paused, and Sam found herself hanging on his every word. In her stomach, she couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't some group announcement, for at this very moment, it felt like he was only talking to her. And she wasn't quite sure how that made her feel. "...so much to me that we're doing this. And I know it would mean so much to Hannah and Beth that we're all still together. Thinking of them. I really want to spend some quality time with each and every one of you and share some moments that we'll never forget. For the sake of my sisters, you know? Okay! So! Let's...party like we're fucking pornstars, ok? And make this one a trip we'll never forget, alright?  _Yes!"_

Sam couldn't put her finger on exactly how she felt as the video ended- leave it to Josh to take a sincere and heartfelt moment and end it on such a bizarre, goofy note. There was no one else in this world like him. After a moment, she found herself brushing away a tear away that she hadn't even noticed on her cheek. He had the ability to make her laugh and cry in the same moment. It was one of the various and complicated reasons why she'd fallen in love with Josh Washington. And she could finally admit it to herself.

_No._

She'd made her decision to be with him once and for all...

_...as if there was ever even another choice._

* * *

**Josh Found**  –  _The Mines_

Sam pushed open the door and it lurched open with a loud, metallic screeeeeek. It was another large, open room, minus the rubble and destruction from the fire. Even still, it was recognizable as a basement morgue. She stepped in, her eyes frantically drinking in the scene, trying in vain to search for him. In the darkness, she could barely make out sullen figure in the shadows, hunched down and whispering relentlessly to himself. She could see the shadow wading back and forth, back and forth, rocking. Her mouth felt dry and her heart pounded wildly in her chest.

 _"Josh!"_  Sam choked out. The figure stopped rocking at the sound of her voice, and he turned to face her, half of his face illuminated by the light of her headlamp. It was Josh, sitting in a slight crouch. Once the sound of his name had left her lips, however, she'd wished she'd just kept quiet. He turned, and she realized that he wasn't just Josh anymore.

Half of his face, the half she'd seen initially, was still that boyish face that she'd stared at a million times. She should have known that she wouldn't be so lucky as to find him alive, for as he turned to her, Sam could see the fogginess of his right eye. It was subtle, but it flashed the way an animal's does in a camera flash. She heard a low growl, and she began to take a few steps back.

Along with his eye, she noticed that his left side of his mouth curled upwards in almost a sinister grin, lined with sharp, gnarled teeth. His face was blood-soaked, his limbs seemed substantially longer and he stood.

Even though he was alive, they were still too late.

"Stay  _back!"_  Mike yelled, cocking his shotgun and holding it up in Josh's direction.

"Mike, no!" Sam uttered, her hand instinctively attempting to lower the barrel of the gun. "He's still in there, somewhere!" she insisted, her eyes brimming with tears. Sam was terrified, but at the same time, the fact that they'd found him alive, no matter what his condition, made her heart swell.

"He's turning!" Mike sneered, raising the gun once more – Mike had no qualms with doing what he had to do to protect the group, he'd proven this before. And yet, he hesitated, the four of them watching on as Josh seemed to waver in and out of coherence. They could hear him babble, and it was still him – still his voice and his words. It was like Josh was still in there, trying to get out, but the wendigo spirit had him subdued. He would lurch forward in jagged, menacing steps, stop himself and fall back. There was truly a war within him.

"Even if he is still in there, how are we gonna get him out?" Chris asked, and it wasn't 'til then that Sam noticed his torch was raised as well, Ashley bracing herself with a knife. Everyone was on guard – how had it not even occurred to her to see him at a threat?

"W-we have to exorcise him! O-or make him vomit!" Ashley reiterated frantically, her eyes shifting from friend to friend.

"I hardly think we're qualified for  _either_  of those things!" Mike scoffed, taking a step back as Josh neared him. He turned the gun to the side, using it as a barrier between the two of them as he shoved Josh back. Josh stumbled on his feet, falling to the ground before staring back up at Mike, a deep growl in his throat.

Sam tried to near him, but hesitated when his icy gaze shifted to her and she froze. What was she going to do? What could she do? All she knew was that he was getting closer to her, and if she didn't do something quick, Mike was going to take the choice from her.

**If Sam tries to coax Josh back to reality with words, go to Ending 1.**

**If Sam tries to near him because she trusts him to recognize her the way that Hannah recognized him, go to Ending 2.**

* * *

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still to come...  
> Ending 1  
> Ending 2  
> Epilogue   
> Bonus Josh PV Chapters of the night the twins disappeared and the night of the prank.


	10. Ending One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tries to coax Josh back to reality with words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well hello, friends and fans! Here it is. Ending 1 of 2. If you picked this one, it means that you chose to have Sam try to reach Josh by words. Smart move…I wouldn't wanna get anywhere near him in the state he's in. BTW, I know you're all gonna read both endings, anyway (CHEATERS!). I'm super curious which one you guys preferred, make sure to let me know! I WANTED to post both endings at the same time, but ending 1 ended up being 19 pages, so I want to give the same care to Ending 2. It will be up soon! This has been a long, wild, emotional ride. I hope that you all loved it. So, Ending 2 and bonus chapters are coming soon.

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**Ending One:**

_The Words_

* * *

**End of February 2014** – _three weeks after the twins' disappearance_

Sam waited for the long, dragged out sound of the ringback tone reverberating in her ear, nervously wringing her hands together. Josh was over an hour late for their lunch plans. They'd made them recently, a kind of goodwill gesture on her part, knowing that he was having a really difficult time with Hannah and Beth's very recent disappearance on the mountain.

_No answer._

Which was odd. They'd spent the better half of the last three weeks side by side on a constant search and rescue mission on the mountain. But, understandably, they couldn't carry on searching forever; life had to get back to normal regardless of the void the girls had left in everyone's lives.

It was an understatement to say that Sam and Josh had grown close in their grief; in all actuality, he was literally refusing to talk to anyone other than Sam and Chris since that night. And notably so – she didn't blame him. Although she'd never state it aloud, she blamed the others as much as he did, for pulling that cruel, horrible prank on her best friend that night.

And for _what?_ A quick laugh at her expense? Some petty, bullshit jealousies? Well, now they were gone, and it was becoming more and more bleak as the hours had stretched into days that had stretched into weeks. Still, she remained at Josh's side, trying to be his strength and his support. Lord knew his parents weren't doing the job.

Sam stared down at her cell, letting out an exasperated sigh. It was so unlike him to not call her or show up for their plans. They'd made a habit of meeting up pretty regularly at this point, to talk and just... _be_ together. It was certainly better than being alone. She bit her lip, contemplatively, before she punched in the second best person to Josh. The ring was abrupt, an answer on the other end within a matter of seconds.

"Hey, _sup_?" she heard Chris answer on the other end.

"Hey... have you heard from Josh?" she asked, hopefully. If Josh wasn't with her, he was typically with Chris, although not as frequently as before. He'd become a bit of a hermit, but even still he seemed to need to be with at least one other person to feel comfortable. Never totally alone.

"No, actually," Chris said, his tone warm and surprised. "He totally flaked on me like... two nights ago. We were supposed to go see a movie and he just didn't show, didn't call, nothing," he explained. Sam stared at her wall, frustrated and worried, her stomach aching as she started to wonder if something was really wrong. "I figured that he just wanted to be alone or with family or whatever." It was a reasonable thought, but Sam knew that the last thing Josh seemed to want lately was to be alone. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing," Sam said, attempting to appear calm, inside her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. What if he wasn't okay? What if something happened to him? Ever since Beth and Hannah, she couldn't help the anxiety she felt when it came to her friends. "I gotta go, I'll call you back later," she sputtered off, a false promise, hanging up on him while he was still trying to ask her for more information. There was no time for that now, however. She needed to get over to Josh's.

He was in college - _for now_ , at least. He'd divulged to her that he wasn't passing any classes and considering taking a 'break'. She'd only visited his campus once before, and that was just with Hannah to pick up his camera for a project. The campus seemed so big, and her memory of where he had been staying had become hazy. Luckily, he'd upgraded from a tiny dorm room to a studio apartment nearby, so the fear of annoying a roommate was nonexistent.

She trudged forward, just knowing in her gut that something was wrong, and she didn't care that he didn't ask for her or even return her various calls, she needed to see for herself that he was okay. That was their job to one another – she felt protective of him. After navigating the various and identical apartment buildings (along with the help of a few helpful stoners and college kids along the way), she found herself at Josh's apartment door.

 _What are you doing?_ She thought to herself, feeling her confidence wavering a bit. She was never one to force herself on someone. But this wasn't just _anyone._ This was _Josh_ , and she knew he needed her. Without another thought, she brought her fist to the door, knocking a couple times. She waited for a response, but nothing, of course. She tried again.

"Go away, Emerson!" she heard him call out, muffled through the door. "I said I don't have any weed!" Sam smirked to herself, relieved just to hear his voice at all, before she gripped the handle with a slow turn. It was unlocked.

She opened it quietly, taking a step inside of the dark, dingy apartment. It was sunny outside, but he'd closed all his drapes. She peered around, somewhat surprised to see it in such good condition, save for a few pizza boxes and Chinese food take out. _At least he's eating,_ she thought to herself. Still, the mustiness in the air would suggest that the windows hadn't been opened in a few days.

"It's not Emerson," Sam finally said, once her eyes had connected with his on his big, disheveled bed in the corner of the room. Josh's body was a giant heap under a flurry of blankets and beer cans. His head popped up, his droopy, swollen eyes trying to focus in on her face in a drunken haze and limited lighting.

"Sammy?" he asked, squinting. He groaned, rolling over onto his back, his hand falling to his forehead. She couldn't tell if it was to cradle an aching headache or pure mortification. "What are you doing here?" he asked, flatly. She tried not to be insulted; she did, after all, walk in without being invited.

"You haven't been returning my calls," she said plainly. She shrugged, 'or anyone's calls, for that matter."

"So you think that means it's appropriate to let yourself into my apartment?" he shot. Sam ignored his tone. This wasn't the first time he'd ever been short with her. She knew he was hurting right now, especially as she grew nearer and realized that his eyes weren't just puffy from sleep; it was clear he'd been crying. She drew closer to him. He sat up slowly, sniffling a bit and turning away from her, shyly. "Seriously, Sam. It's, like, super embarrassing that you're here. I haven't showered in a week, I'm all snotty just… could you just go, please?" he asked, his back to her.

" _Josh_ -" she tried, soothingly.

"I mean it!" he snapped, and it stopped Sam in her tracks. She swallowed down the lump forming in her throat. "I really don't want you seeing me like this, okay?" he added, his tone softening as he peered over his shoulder at her. Sam opened her mouth to speak, but decided that perhaps she should just do as he asked.

"Okay," she relented, lowering her head dejectedly as she turned from him. She felt foolish for coming here now, even though deep down she still knew it was the right thing to do. No one should have to grieve alone.

_Herself, included._

She stopped walking when she heard a crunch under her foot on her way towards the door. She glanced down, and under her sneaker was a photograph. She reached to pick it up off the floor – she didn't want it to get ruined. She stared at it, feeling a reminiscent smile attempting to tug at the corners of her lips.

It was one of Josh, Hannah and Beth from around middle school. She giggled at his spiked hair and braces, his arms coolly draped over the shoulders of each insecure and awkward little sister. Sam remembered that day well. It was from Josh's 14th birthday party at a bowling alley. Josh turned his body in Sam's direction, curious as to of why she hadn't left yet, when he noticed her quietly chuckling.

"What's so funny?" Sam turned to him, holding the picture up.

"Oh, sorry. Nothing it's just..." she stammered, her eyes falling back down to the moment captured of the happy siblings. "It's this picture. From your 14th birthday," she chortled. "Do you remember that day?" Josh ran the back of his hand across his nose weakly, his shoulders hunched over carelessly.

"Not really," he admitted somberly. Sam neared him again, handing the photograph to him. He stared at her each step of the way, and it was hard to read his facial expression as he took it from her hand. His eyes then fell down to the picture, and he studied it intently. After a moment, she could see the smallest hint of a smile trying to combat the tears. "God, that was such a _good_ look for me," he deadpanned. Sam felt her smile grow.

A joke. Thank God.

She took this as an opportunity to wear out her welcome a little longer.

"Hey, do you remember how Beth took the last size 7 bowling shoes, and Hannah ended up having to wear a size 8 and a half?" Sam recalled with a laugh. "She was sliding around all night. And then she-"

"-slipped and fell into the lane while she was trying to bowl," Josh finished with a weak smirk, a sigh. "God, she was _so_ embarrassed. I had to talk to her in the bathroom for like half an hour just to get her to come back out to the party."

"Yeah, and that old lady yelled at you for being a pervert in the Ladies bathroom," Sam added, giving him a little nudge. "Can't say much has changed," she teased. "You're still a perv."

" _Nahhhh_ , I wasn't being a perv that time," he sighed, shaking his head, his eyes still tracing his sisters faces. "I was being a good big brother. It was my job to protect them... always," he said, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. Sam's smile faded as her eyes found his face; it was the first time since his sisters had gone missing that she'd actually _seen_ Josh cry. He leaned his head down in his hands, his shoulders beginning to shake from the sobs. Sam sat beside him, hugging onto him as comfortingly as she could, her own tears falling as well.

"I'm so sorry, Josh," Sam whispered into his neck, trying in vain to keep her own composure. He was a _wreck._ He sniffed again, sitting up and taking in a jagged, uneven breath. He glanced at Sam, starting to chuckle, shaking his head.

"I really hate that you're seeing me like this," he said again.

"Eh, I've seen you look worse," she jested. Then a sly smile crossed her lips, her eyes narrowing. "Hey...do you remember what _else_ happened that day? After the bowling alley, when the party moved back to your house?" she dared. Josh paused, his face reflective, then his eyes widened as the memory came flooding to him, a bigger smile forming on his face.

"Spin the bottle!" he exclaimed, "oh my God, I can't believe I forgot that!"

"My first kiss," Sam recalled, nodding.

" _My_ first kiss," Josh agreed. Sam scoffed and laid a gentle, playful slap on his shoulder.

"Oh, get out of here. I was _not_ your first kiss," she said with an eyeroll.

"You _were_!" he insisted. Sam's jaw dropped in astonishment.

"No! No I _wasn't_! Hannah _told_ me you kissed Abby Watson on the school bus on a dare in grade 7." Josh turned to her excitedly, shaking his head.

"Nononono, _not_ true. I chickened out and kissed her _cheek._ And she slapped me," Josh explained.

"Must have been hard," Sam said in mock sympathy.

"It was traumatizing. Scared me out of kissing anyone again until that night."

"Oh, well, I'm so glad I could help cure you of your kissing phobia," Sam said happily, trying not to pay attention to the butterflies in her stomach as he looked at her... like _that._ Like he wanted to do it again. Worse, that he might know she wanted him to do it again.

"You really did," he said absently, his eyes intensely looking into hers. Sam felt herself growing slightly dizzy when he looked at her this way. She smiled, clearing her throat and tucking a stray strand of golden hair behind her ear.

"I can't believe that was, what... 5 years ago?" Sam sidestepped. Josh nodded.

"Time sure has a way of changing things," he noted. He looked back down at the picture in his hands, running his fingertips across the smiling faces. "People say such stupid shit, sometimes. Like, people keep offering me these empty words of condolences, like ' _time will heal you'_ or ' _life will go on_.' You know, just basic Hallmark bullshit. And I think that's what scares me most, Sam," he droned, his eyes finding her face again. "Time _is_ gonna go on. Memories of them _are_ gonna fade. People are gonna forget about them..." He looked down at the floor, morosely. " _I'm_ gonna forget about them." Sam reached for his hand, lacing their fingers and giving him a gentle squeeze, her other hand taking his face and turning it towards her.

"Josh, I can't promise you that time is ever going to make things feel okay. I mean... I don't think I will ever totally know what _okay_ is again, anyway. But I can promise you, you'll _never_ forget them. And neither will I," she assured, her voice low and her face close to his. He nodded, wiping another tear from his cheek and letting out a breathy laugh. A sigh. As though he felt like the weight of the world might have been lifted off his shoulders. He turned to Sam, offering her an appreciative smile.

"I don't know how you do it, Sammy, but you always have this way of saying _exactly_ what I need to hear, without fail. You always bring me back to reality. I love that about you," he said sincerely. Sam leaned in, placing a soft, lingering kiss on his cheek.

And there it was, that smile again. Not a big one, not even a real one, but even still, it was a start. Sam hadn't realized until this moment just how much she loved seeing Josh smile – really smile. It was as though he smiled with his whole body, his whole aura. It radiated off of him in waves, affecting everything it touched.

No, this wasn't one of _those_ Josh smiles...but it was a smile that promised that he'd be okay with time.

* * *

**Josh Found** – _The Mines (cont)_

"W-we have to exorcise him! O-or make him vomit!" Ashley reiterated frantically, her eyes shifting from friend to friend.

"I hardly think we're qualified for _either_ of those things!" Mike scoffed, taking a step back as Josh neared him. He turned the gun to the side, using it as a barrier between the two of them as he shoved Josh back. Josh stumbled on his feet, falling to the ground before staring back up at Mike, a deep growl in his throat.

Sam tried to near him, but hesitated when his icy gaze shifted to her and she froze. What was she going to do? What could she do? All she knew was that he was getting closer to her, and if she didn't do something quick, Mike was going to take the choice from her.

" _What_ is your plan?" Mike spat impatiently, the stress of the situation beginning to wear on him. He kept his gun pointed at Josh's face, which wasn't keeping Sam any calmer, although she seemed collected on the outside.

"I don't _know_ ," she snapped back, her tone sharp and hushed. She scrutinized Josh again, who was still wavering in and out of self-awareness; Sam reckoned that he must have been so frightened, having lost so much control over himself. This was his constant struggle, between him and his mental health and now this – something equally strong and overbearing on his mind and body.

She'd talked him down before, though. She'd reached him before – maybe she could do it again. They couldn't just _leave_ him here. Sam knew when she went back into those mines she was either coming back up with him, or not at all. This was her only chance, and it was becoming more and more apparent with every menacing step he was taking in their direction.

"You have _three_ seconds to do something before I _end_ this, Samantha!" Mike cautioned, his voice loud over Josh's snarls. She knew he wasn't trying to be cruel; she honestly couldn't blame him. Ashley and Chris watched on in horror, Chris shielding Ashley as she hid behind his shoulder, peeking out at the scene unfolding. "One..." With her heart in her throat, Sam took a step toward Josh. " _Two._.."

_I don't know how you do it, Sammy, but you always have this way of saying exactly what I need to hear, without fail. You always bring me back to reality._

"J-Josh? Can you hear me?" Sam asked, her voice trembling, her hands shaking so much that she had to fold them in front of her, each secured under an armpit. His head snapped in her direction, sending a chill down her spine. And it changed. It relaxed a bit, suddenly looking concerned and somber, confused. Sam couldn't help but exhale a sigh of relief. He _was_ still in there. "Josh, it's me. Sam," she added softly, cautiously beginning to reach one hand out for him, crouching closer as someone approaching a scared animal. He viciously snapped his teeth at her, but then shook his head, trying to fight off the urges brought on by the demon.

Sam looked around and noticed that all of her friends had backed away, bracing themselves for the worst case-scenario. Sam submitted, also taking a step back from him, knowing that if she went any closer, he'd surely lose control of himself at this point. Sam felt her eyes welling with tears, but she stood firm in her position.

"D-do you remember when we ordered those pizzas?" she said in almost a whisper. She smirked a little; perhaps she was going mad herself. "I dared you to eat a large supreme all by yourself. Like that would challenge you or something," she snorted. She shook her head with a chuckle as she reflected on the memory. "You never backed down from a dare. Never ran away from a challenge. And you got _so_ sick-"

Josh lunged toward her, and instead of backing away, Sam's feet stayed planted. He was closer than she was comfortable with at this point, but she knew she needed to stay. She couldn't run from him anymore, especially when he truly needed her this time.

"You sure you should be talking about food, Sam?" Chris quipped from the safety of a few feet away. She and Josh glowered at him, and he took another step back along with Ashley. Sam turned her attentions back to Josh.

"R-remember when you asked me to dance at prom?" she tried, stronger than before. "I was so happy, but I couldn't tell you that. I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world that night, just _being_ with you… And yet, even when you leaned in like you were going to kiss me, I made some stupid joke and you backed off... because I never imagined that you could possibly see me as anything more than your little sister's best friend," she admitted. Josh took an uneven step back, his hands clasped over his ears as he shook his head violently. Sam couldn't stop herself. The words were falling out her mouth with such a ferocious tenaciousness, as though she no longer had control over herself.

"And... and do you remember when you gave me the scarf?" she croaked. "You just wanted to be my boyfriend. You wanted me to admit that I loved you and I-I just... I _couldn't_ do it. It was so stupid, so much wasted time," she cried, tears flowing freely now. "And it wasn't even _true_! I'm sorry for that. I thought it was because I couldn't handle you but really... I was scared. More scared than I am now, if you can believe it," she confessed. He came uncomfortably close to her face now, and she could get a good look at just how deformed he'd become. Still, she didn't care. He let out a shriek, not unlike the one that she'd heard so many times from the wendigo, but still with a hint of human. "I'm so sorry, Josh," she hiccuped. "I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

_A challenge._

" _Sam_ ," Mike said quietly, "it's not _working_ -"

"I didn't have the guts to say it before, but… I _love_ you Josh." He stopped moving at her words, and Sam knew that this was the right thing to do, no matter what the outcome. "I _always_ loved you. And you have to fight this! Fight like you did before, all last year. Fight for your sisters!" she paused, her eyes still wet with tears, her voice cracking. "Fight for me."

The impact of Sam's words continued to have a visual affect on Josh, hitting him to a point of almost incapacitation. He crouched down, his hands on his knees while he struggled against himself, fighting for a way out. His battle and her words seemed to subdue the monster within him, at least for a moment, and Sam saw this restraint in him as a perfect opportunity to attempt to overtake him.

" _Grab_ _him_!" Sam ordered, charging forward quickly. Mike and Chris exchanged worried glances before dropping their weapons to their sides. They could see that Sam was going after him with or without their help, so they both lurched forward, each of them gripping onto one of Josh's arms, his shoulders, and forcing him down to the ground.

It took all of Mike's body weight on one arm, all of Chris' on the other, to pin him down and combat his inhuman-like strength. Sam watched as their bodies arose and fell like riding a tide, trying to hold him down but still having a difficult time, even with the both of them.

Sam stepped over him, straddling Josh between her legs, and sitting firmly on his chest as he writhed uncontrollably beneath her. She stared down at him, instantly taken aback by the sheer terror and strain on his face as he tried so hard to fight off the wendigo spirit that so aggressively latched onto his body, his soul. She watched in awe as his head reared, his eyes rolling back into his head and the vein in his neck grew and pulsed under the strain. Beads of sweat had formed above his brow, his hairline.

" _C'mon_ Josh, you can _do_ this," Sam insisted through gritted teeth, her voice hoarse as he struggled against her petite body.

Suddenly, it became so clear to her just what she needed to do… or at least _try._ Josh seemed to be doing his part the best he could, tiny flickers of him showing through his more terrifying form. She gulped, and then took in a sharp breath, as though she was about to dive underwater.

Sam reached her hand down without even thinking about it anymore, nimbly sliding her fingers into his mouth and passed his distorted and razor-sharp teeth. His eyes shot open, the pupil in his one good eye dilating until grey was entirely devoured by black. She heard him growl, low, and she could feel his mouth vibrate against her fingers. Still, she pressed onward, staring him in the eyes as she reached the back of his throat.

He retched.

 _Good boy_.

That's what she was looking for. His head shook from side to side defiantly, trying to eject her hand from his mouth.

"Ashley! Hold his head still!" Sam called out, and after only a slight hesitation, Ashley ran over to them and dropped to her knees by his head, placing a gloved hand on each of his temples, holding him in place. Josh growled again from deep within his belly, his black eye beginning to cloud over and match his other one.

Without warning, Sam heard a crunching sound followed by a loud, piercing scream. It took her a full moment to process that it had come from none other than herself. Josh's jaw had locked down on her fingers, so deeply and so hard that she could feel a long, jagged tooth grazing the bone in her middle finger. The pain was excruciating, her vision blurring 'til she could only barely make out the vibrant red blood from her hand that was now dripping down Josh's cheek as he clamped down on her.

" _Ohmygod_!" Ashley screamed, her hands shooting up to help Sam.

" _No_! Hold onto him," Sam grunted through the pain. Ashley's eyebrows came together in concern and she whimpered, but she did as Sam instructed.

Sam's first and logical instinct was to pull her hand back, but no. She'd gone too far to stop now. He had a grip on her like a bear trap as she used her other hand to press down on his chin, attempting to alleviate some of the pressure on her fingers. It worked, and with the slight amount of slack she reached her hand in even further.

Another gag.

This time he turned his head to the side quickly, expelling a dark, murky red bile. It was foul, and Sam tried her best not to imagine what it might be.

_Blood?_

He turned back towards her, and she could see his features had changed, ever-so-slightly. His right eye had returned to the familiar slate gray it was before, his teeth slightly less prominent in his mouth. She didn't hesitate to use her better hand and shove her fingers back down his throat once more. This time there was less resistance, and after only a moment he turned his head to the side, vomiting up the even more of the strange bile onto the ground beside him. Sam stood, Chris and Mike letting go of his arms so he could roll to the side, expelling the spirit violently from his stomach. Sam heard a shriek, although she wasn't sure it was coming from Josh anymore, as it rose up and faded away and Josh collapsed onto the ground weakly.

Mike ripped a piece of his shirt, wrapping Sam's hand quickly as she struggled against his grip to get back down to Josh.

"Josh! Are you okay? Can you hear me?" she called out, but it appeared that Josh was unconscious. Once Mike had let her go, she ran to his side, dropping down to her knees once more. She rolled his body over, which was light and malnourished, and turned to see his face. He looked like himself again, save for a long, open gash from the side of his mouth stretching up towards his ear. She patted the side of his face a few times before he started to softly stir. "Ashley, get my water out of my bag!" Sam ordered. Ashley ran to Sam's backpack, which had been cast aside during the struggle. She neared it, reaching down, before she heard a growl. She looked up to see a wendigo had come into the basement morgue from some unseen entrance.

"Uh, _guys._.." Ashley whimpered, stepping back slowly from the towering and horrifying creature.

"Ashley, look out!" Mike shouted, and Ashley leaped out of the way just before she heard the shotgun blast that sent the wendigo flying into the wall with a loud crash. Chris ran over quickly, dousing the monster in flames with his torch, and they stood back as it writhed and screamed under the intense heat.

"I think it's time to get out of here, Sam!" Mike yelled after they heard another shriek from closeby. Still, Sam remained focused on Josh's face, determined to get him awake. Ashley, ran the bag over to Sam and she grabbed onto it, pulling out a water bottle, quickly wetting Josh's face. He stirred more, and after a moment, he groaned and opened his eyes. One was the same gray she'd come to know so well, the other still clouded over; she suspected that it was a permanent symptom of the possession.

"Sam...?" he asked, his voice strained. Sam could hear another gunshot behind her, some yells, as the war waged on between her friends and another the wendigo that had found their way to them. Sam's eyes blurred with tears as she looked down at his face, almost completely normal.

 _"Hi,"_ she said, unable to contain her relieved smile.

"Sam, I mean it, we have got to get out of here... _now!"_ Mike ordered, ragged and tired.

"Right," Sam agreed, the gravity of the situation dawning on her once more. She looked around, searching for a place for them to hide until the wendigos could pass them over and they could have a clear shot at getting out. Her eyes fell to a large utility closet, the door slightly off the hinges. "Josh, can you sit up?" she asked. He didn't reply, just slowly and weakly began to pull himself up. "Good, good..." she coaxed. "C'mon, we gotta get over a few feet away, can you walk?"

Ashley, Chris and Mike all fell back towards them, their weapons drawn to cover Sam and Josh as they attempted to make it to the closet together. Josh was weak, most of his body weight bearing down on Sam as they limped to the door together. Mike lifted the heavy metal door with the help of Chris as they all crawled under, just in time to conceal themselves before two more wendigos entered the room, searching for them.

" _Don't move_ ," Mike whispered, although they already knew that. They watched, waiting for the monsters to pass. Sam felt someone take her hand, and when she looked down she could see Josh's hand clasped in hers. The sight made her heart swell, and she just couldn't believe that they'd actually done it. They'd actually found him and saved him.

They waited silently, patiently, and after a few extra moments to make sure the wendigos were enough distance away, the friends all let out a collective exhale.

"Is he..." Ashley started quietly, hesitantly peering over at Josh. She didn't have to finish her sentence, Sam knew what she was asking.

"I think he's okay," Sam answered, searching Josh's face for any indication that he was still possessed. "Josh, are you okay? How do you feel?" He turned his head to Sam, absently staring at her, still loopy and disoriented.

"I'm..." he said, his lips dry and his skin almost transparent from deprivation and malnutrition. "I'm starving," he said. Sam chuckled, handing him another water bottle from her bag, which he gulped down without resolve.

"Glad to have you back, buddy," Chris said, digging out the bag of chips from his backpack. Josh's eyes widened, the thankfulness on his face immeasurable, so instead he pulled Chris in for a hug before staring at each of his friend's faces, one by one.

"You... you guys came back for me," he uttered. "You're... you're real, right? You're really here?" he asked, his hand coming up to graze Sam across the cheek.

"We're real," she promised. Josh tore into the bag of chips, and it was painful to watch him try to eat such jagged, sharp pieces with his mouth wounds, but he was so grateful and insatiable, it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. He washed it down with the rest of Sam's water. Mike slapped his friend on the back, causing Josh to cough, choking on the water a bit.

"Never thought I'd be so glad to see your ugly mug again," Mike joked. "Now...let's get the _fuck_ out of here."

* * *

**June 2015** – _Three Months after Josh's Rescue_

The cold, clinical walls of the hospital were exactly how Sam would imagine a mental health institution. She's tried to picture it in her head, Josh wandering around the vacant halls, mumbling to himself. Everything was white; the walls, the floors, the iridescent lighting. No color. No stimulation.

The orderly led her down the winding hallways, his white sneakers squeaking against the linoleum tiles as she passed door after door after door. It was almost as disorienting as exploring the mines, each hallway looking identical to the next, feeling as though she was going around in circles.

The orderly, a short, young guy with dark hair and even darker eyes peered back over his shoulder at her – presumably making sure she was still following closely. She'd remembered seeing a little black nametag on his front pocket that simply read, _David._

She felt uneasy, anxious to get to the meeting room. He'd been here for months now, and although she knew it was the best thing _for_ him, she hated that it had taken so long for his doctors to approve visitors. She'd counted down to this day for so long, and in the meantime life had gone on without him, just as life always had a way of doing.

David led her to a set of double doors that opened up to a meeting area. She peered through the windows, and sure enough there was Josh, waiting at a pine table. She felt her breath hitch – he looked so much better than she'd last seen him. More like himself. She couldn't even begin to digest just how relieved she felt.

Her eyes traveled up to David, waiting to open the door.

"I'll be right out here if you need anything," he advised. Sam looked him up and down, his tiny stature being no match for Josh even if she _did_ need him. But she knew she wouldn't. She nodded and said a polite thank you as he opened to door for her, and then she stepped inside.

Sam could hear her footsteps click on the floor, echoing around the minimally decorated room. Her eyes locked in on the sight of him; he had his head down, and even her presence didn't seem to affect him as he stared down at his hands. She wanted to run to him, hold onto him, but she had no idea what state he was in, so she held back.

"Josh," she breathed.

"Sammy," he droned quietly, without looking up.

"Hey," she said sweetly, a smile spreading across her lips and her eyes misting over at the mere fact that he'd said her name. She neared the table, pulling the chair out and taking a seat right across from him. He'd gained his weight back, and he looked completely normal, healthy.

_Well, almost._

Slowly, Josh's face rose to greet her. On the left side of his mouth, there his knotted and sharp teeth had been before appeared almost completely normal, aside from a long, faint scar running from the corner of his mouth up his cheek, pointing to a still slightly foggy eye. Even still, it was a welcome change from the last time she'd seen him.

"I really hate that you're seeing me like this," he said, and Sam distinctly remembered when he'd said that to her last, over an entire year ago.

"I've seen you look worse," she cracked, extending her hands out to him on the table. Josh looked down at her waiting hands, before he slowly brought his up and brought them to hers. Even after all this time and everything that happened, Sam could never deny the way she felt whenever his skin touched hers. His eyes honed in on her fading scar and slightly bent middle fingers on her right hand.

"Is that from me?" he asked. Sam looked at her hand; she hadn't really thought much about it since she'd gotten the stitches out.

"I-it's okay... It doesn't hurt or anything anymore..." she assured. Josh sighed sadly.

"I hate that I hurt you," he said, referring to breaking her fingers.

"I hate that I hurt you, too," she said, referring to breaking his heart. "So, let's just call it even," she teased. He let out a quiet chuckle, and Sam tried to read his face. "How... how are you doing?" she asked. "Are you okay in here? Are things good?"

"I'm in a mental institution. So... I'd say things are about as good as they can be, given the circumstances."

"You look great, Josh," Sam offered, her eyes trying hard not to focus on the distinct scars of those weeks in the mines, but whenever he opened his mouth to speak, she couldn't help but note that although his teeth had returned to normal, they still remained slightly sharper on the left side.

"I _feel_ great," he said, his voice not reflecting the words he'd said. He was sedated, subdued. "They have me on a lot of meds. For the anxiety," he admitted. Sam nodded – it was to be expected. When he'd been taken in for an evaluation after he'd left the medical center in Blackwood, no one had given her much information, just that he was going back to Ocean View indefinitely. "Why are you crying?" he asked. Sam took a hand and wiped her cheeks; she hadn't even realized she's started. She gave a shrug.

"I guess I just missed you so much," she said, her heart feeling like it might explode from just being there with him. Everything they'd gone through over the last year, from Beth and Hannah disappearing to their relationship, their breakup, the night of the prank, the nightmares and then the search and rescue mission had changed Sam in the most peculiar of ways. She loved him. She figured she always had and always would. And if all those things, those horrible, terrifying, terrible things, hadn't happened, she never would have known how to love someone so wholly, so unconditionally.

"I'm right here," he offered with a smirk. He _was_ right here. And he'd be right here, in this hospital, for a very, very long time.

"Yeah," she sighed, squeezing his hand in hers. "You are." Josh took a breath, and it was painful to see that while he was here, touching her, talking to her, he still had a long way to go until he was going to totally be Josh again. She watched as his face began to shift, his eyebrows coming together in contemplation.

"Sam... you said, when we were down in the mines... you said that you loved me," Josh recalled, but it was more of a question. "Was that true?" he asked, his eyes hopeful. Sam nodded, soberly.

"More than you could ever imagine," she promised. She felt her heart warm as that seemed to bring a real, genuine smile to his face. She swore she could even see the blush returning to his cheeks.

"Oh..." he whispered with a shy nod. "Good." Sam looked at the clock. She'd been instructed that she wasn't allowed to stay very long; too much stimulation wasn't good for him. "I love you too, you know," Josh said, bringing her eyes back to his face. Sam giggled with a nod.

"I know," she assured. Sam heard a knock on the door; it was David, letting her know that the time was coming and she needed to wrap it up. Sam began to stand. "I think I have to go-"

"W-w-wait," Josh stammered, his voice more animated than before. She paused, looking at him expectantly, and he seemed to lose some of his nerve. 'Um... I think that I'm doing real well here... Dr. Hill said that therapy has been really helping so... I mean... I think I might be getting out soon," he said, his voice full of a sad hopefulness. Sam felt her heart ache a bit, knowing that it was going to take a lot longer for Josh to get out of here than he even knew, but she didn't have the heart to tell him that. "Can I maybe... you know, take you out sometime? When I get out?" Sam tried to keep her smile, even though she just wanted to cry. She neared him, leaning down slowly and pressing her lips gently to his. She'd missed this, missed him. Her hand rose to his cheek, and she pulled away, staring into his eyes; one good one and one bad. Her fingertips traced along the faint, crescent scar by his lips.

"Of _course_ ," she affirmed. She walked to the table slowly, picking up her purse, and Josh stood.

"Will you come see me again?" he asked, but it felt like more of a beg. Sam nodded once more.

"I'll see you next week, Josh." Who knew... maybe being with her was just what Josh needed to truly heal. She'd done it for him so many times before. Sam knew as she stared at him that Josh was meant to be in her life for as long as they lived. She had no doubts in her heart that they were bonded, their souls intertwined in a way that could never be parted, not _really._

She turned, feeling her heart hurt a little more as each inch of distance grew between them, and she tried her best to be strong, when really, walking away this time was the hardest time she'd ever walked away from Josh Washington.

"Hey Sam?" he called out as her hand reached for the handle of the door. She glanced back at him; his smile looked real now. "Thanks for saving my life. You know... more than once," he said sincerely. Sam beamed.

"Hey...same to you."

* * *

Sam walked down the concrete stairs of the hospital and out to the car, where Tom was waiting patiently for her, reading a book. She opened the car door, and cast one last glance up at the towering and grand hospital, one that acted as both a prison and a sanctuary to Josh. She swore for a moment she could see him watching her from one of the windows, high up. She got in the car, wiping away the last remaining tears on her cheeks before Tom saw.

"Thanks for waiting," she said appreciatively. Tom smiled, leaning in and placing a kiss on her cheek. They weren't _together_ together, but he'd been steadily trying to make it happen more and more.

"No problem. How's he doing?" he asked. Sam shrugged.

"He's well. He seems good," she said simply. Tom wasn't the kind of person she could talk about Josh with. He turned the keys in the ignition, and Sam gave him a quick glance. He was sweet. Handsome. Smart. Uncomplicated.

But Sam knew that he would never have her heart, even though he'd been earnestly trying for it for quite some time. Life would be so much simpler, but that's just not how Sam liked to do things. Sam didn't do simple. Not after all she'd experienced.

"I'm gonna see him next week," she announced. Tom's smile faded a bit; she knew that _he_ knew that she would never be fully his. Not with Josh still alive and breathing. "And probably the week after." That seemed to be all Tom needed to hear, his mouth a hard line as he nodded.

"You still love him?" he asked simply. Sam's smile was unconcealable. Radiating.

"Yeah," she sighed, leaning her head back on the headrest. "In a way, I think I do."

* * *

_The End.... or is it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Because I love you all, I wrote an epilogue to this ending. Will post soon.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 
> 
> … did you really think I wasn't gonna let Josh and Sam end up together?

**Shiver**

_An Until Dawn Fanfiction_

* * *

**Epilogue:**

_Sometimes You Have No Choice At All_

* * *

**February** **2016 –** _Eight Months After Josh's Rescue – 8:00 am_

_How fitting that it's February,_ Sam thought to herself. It seemed like everything important that had happened in her life for the last three years had reached its pinnacle around this time of year. Sam leaned against the hood of her car, wrapping her coat snuggly around her as she waited. It made more sense to wait in her car, where it was warm, but her nerves were too high to sit still.

She thought back on everything that had happened, everything between her and Josh. She still couldn't believe that they'd found him, even though now it seemed so long ago; couldn't believe that they'd actually rescued him. Sam had been up against a lot of bleak situations in her life, Beth and Hannah certainly being one of them, but she didn't give up.

Josh, no matter how hopeless it may have felt at times, was never a bleak situation. It had taken being tormented by him in more ways imaginable for her to realize this. He'd dared her to run, dared her not to love him. And she took that dare more times than she'd cared to admit. But something about her decision to pull him back up to the land of the living with her, something about refusing to give up on him for once, made Sam realize that there was never any other choice.

The hospital looked the same as it always did – tall and towering, cutting into the low clouds that surrounded it. It was gray today. It was gray most days, but inside Sam felt like the sun was shining.

_Today was the day._

After 8 months, countless therapy sessions, and over 20 visits from Sam up to the hospital to see him, Josh was finally deemed competent and ready to live out in the world again. There was nothing that could take this day away from them; they'd worked so hard to get to this point.

It was Schizophrenia, it turned out. Misdiagnosed, mistreated and mishandled by doctors, parents, and his friends alike. Sam couldn't blame herself for never seeing the signs; no one did. It seemed to slip by everyone who meant anything to Josh, and it almost cost him his life.

He'd be on medication for the rest of his life to remain balanced, but if he stayed on top of it and sought help whenever he felt himself slipping, there was a good chance that Josh would never have to sit though another therapy session ever again – probably even live a full, functioning life.

_With Sam._

Bob and Melinda had been to the hospital the day before, signing release forms, but Josh asked for Sam to come get him when it was time to go. They'd understood – over the course of the last 8 months, the Washingtons had spent a lot of time with Sam, and Sam had learned more in depth about the extent of Josh's mental illness growing up. They seemed to feel comfortable with Sam having an active role in Josh's life. In time, they'd become more like family than ever.

Sam checked the time on her phone; he would be out any moment. Last she'd checked when she went into the lobby he was collecting his belongings and saying goodbye to his doctors, staff and friends he'd made during his time there. Sam didn't mind waiting – Josh was worth the wait. And not just today.

_And then… the doors opened._

Sam felt her face crack with a beaming smile the moment she saw him. David, the orderly, was at Josh's side carrying Josh's suitcase as they walked out. Josh looked up at Sam, a smile stretching across his face as well. Before Sam could even think about it, she was running to him. She crashed into him, wrapping her arms around him tightly and feeling herself lifted off the ground as he squeezed her back. Sam didn't think she'd ever be able to let go.

Josh pressed a kiss onto her lips, and Sam felt hot tears forming in her eyes. Everything that had happened, good and bad, had led them to this very moment.

"Don't come back here, got it?" David said, giving Josh a slap on the back and handing him his suitcase.

"I don't plan on it," he said. David turned to Sam, pointing at her.

"And  _you…_  take good care of this guy, okay? He's a good one."

"The best," Sam nodded. "I promise." And she did promise. David turned and walked back into the hospital and at the same time, Sam and Josh turned their backs to the hospital for the very last time. It was time to really, truly, leave the past behind them and move forward. Together.

"Did you…bring the stuff?" Josh asked. Before Sam could answer, he peered into the backseat of her car to see the shovels and pieces of wood, already fastened into crosses. He smiled again, but this time it was more somber. Sam eyed him sideways.

"You sure you're up for this?" she asked, taking his suitcase and placing it in the backseat. Josh wet his dry lips with his tongue before he looked at her assuredly, nodding.

_"Yeah."_

When Josh called her to tell her when he was getting out, he'd had a very specific request for what they'd do with his first day of freedom. Sam didn't think it was the best idea, but she couldn't tell him no. He'd gotten approval from his doctor and that was all that mattered to Sam – That Josh would be emotionally equipped to handle the possible aftermath for his request.

But he was certain he was ready, so Sam didn't contest it any more as she climbed into her car and turned the key in the ignition. It was time to go back to Mount Washington, at least one last time.

* * *

 **Blackwood Pines**   _\- 11:10 a.m._

The drive had been relatively quiet – Josh slept a lot. Sam knew he hadn't been sleeping to well at the hospital as his release date neared. He said it was because of his meds, but Sam knew it was probably his nerves. He always slept better when he was around Sam anyway, so she just kept her eyes on the road and let him sleep off the last eight months.

After 3 hours of driving, Sam pulled into the familiar parking lot of the cable car station and into a parking spot. She exhaled, feeling slightly nervous to be back here yet again, before she turned off the car.

She glanced over at Josh, still in complete and utter awe that he was out, that he was here. Sure, being back here made her queasy. But once again, she was doing it for him.

She silently traced the long, thin scar up his face with her finger. It was faint but it was there, an everlasting reminder of how she almost lost him. His left eye had remained slightly foggy. Josh was self-conscious about it until Sam let him know it made him look like a sexy movie villain. Then he embraced it, and Sam told him not to get any ideas about actually becoming a sexy movie villain.

" _Joooo-osh_ ," she whispered sweetly, her hand resting on his cheek now.

He stirred at her touch, his eyes lazily opening. He wiped the drool from the side of his face and smirked over at her before stretching in his seat.

"There already?" he yawned. Sam chuckled.

"Easy for  _you_  to say, you were passed out the whole time." Josh looked down at his watch before he sat up quickly, becoming more awake.

"We should hurry. We only have about 4 more hours of daylight to get up there and back," he said, zipping up his jacket and pulling a beanie onto his head. He leaned in, pressing a kiss into Sam's cheek before he got out of the car and into the backseat, pulling out a wooden cross and the shovel. Sam took the other cross as well.

After the long wait for the cable car, Josh and Sam followed the trail the rest of the way up. They had to pass the remains of the lodge; it was in the long process of being torn down. Sam felt sadness in her heart as they passed the bulldozers and caution tape, all surrounding a place that had come to mean so much to her. Then, she wondered how they'd even gotten a bulldozer up here.

"What are your parents going to do with the lodge?" she asked, remembering back a year ago when the news had suggested that Bob and Melinda were going to sell the mountain and the lodge. Josh peered back at her over his shoulder, his face serious.

"They're gonna rebuild. Just like the rest of us," he said. Sam felt a smile creep across her lips. She liked the way that sounded.

They pressed onward, still with plenty of daylight before they had to head back down the mountain. So many memories here, although Sam reckoned she would never be able to return here after today. It was time to close the book, and this was the best way she could have ever done that.

Once they reached a clearing in the trail, Sam looked up to the cliffside where Hannah and Beth had fallen, where everything had begun. The view was spectacular, the world seeming to stretch on infinitely… but it wasn't the view of the landscape that took Sam's breath away. Josh was too busy staring at his feet as they walked to notice. Sam took Josh's hand and pointed his gaze upward; they weren't alone.

Standing on the cliff waiting for them were six friends that Josh hadn't seen in far too long.

Josh stood there, his mouth agape before he looked down at Sam, at the group of friends, then back at Sam again.

"I figured… maybe you'd want your friends here for this," Sam said quietly, her misty eyes looking into Josh's equally teary ones. Even through the tears he smiled though, with his whole face, before he turned towards the group and neared them slowly, hesitantly. Sam stood back a bit to take it all in.

Chris tackled Josh first, throwing his whole body into his best friend as he pulled him in for an embrace. The bros were reunited. There was plenty of laughter, tears, even Emily looked like she was happy to see him.

"It's been  _way_  too long," Sam even heard her say as she pulled Josh in for a hug, Jess and Ashley waiting in line to have their moment with him as well.

"Glad to see you, man," Mike chimed with a high-five and a slap on the back. Josh was surrounded by the love and support he'd so desperately needed for so long, and there wasn't an angry word or a dry eye between the eight of them.

After a few stray hugs and kind words, Josh looked back at Sam, extending his hand out towards her as they all stared at her. She didn't even hesitate to take ahold of it, right in front of everyone.

 _"Awww,"_  Jess, Ashley and Emily all cooed at the same time, and Sam only felt herself blush a little bit as they erupted in laughter.

"Shut up," she groaned; she was cool with being public and all, but she still didn't like being the center of attention. Just to embarrass her further, Josh leaned down a pressed a big, wet kiss onto her lips in front of everyone, invoking another round of  _'Awwws,'_  - from everyone this time. She giggled before she looked up at Josh, her free hand squeezing onto his bicep. "We doin' this or what?" she asked. Josh nodded before cutting the hard ground with his shovel.

With Mike and Matt's help, it only took a matter of moments before two wooden crosses stood firmly at the edge of the cliff. One read Bethany, the other read Hannah. They group of friends stood together, arms around each other, in silence as they had a makeshift memorial for the girls. It was long overdue.

"Wait!" Chris exclaimed suddenly, running to a tree nearby and picking up a smaller cross that Sam didn't notice before. Matt dug a third hole nearby, and helped Chris place his own cross, as well.

_Stranger Who Saved My Life_

Sam rubbed Chris' back consolingly as she saw him choke back a sob, but she didn't have to for long before Ashley took over, walking over to him wrapping her arms around him. She quietly whispered comforting words in his ear, and he smiled at her as she reached up and wiped a tear from behind his glasses and kissed him softly.

Then Sam noticed the ring on Ashley's finger.

"Oh my  _God!"_  she breathed, and grabbed ahold of Ashley's hand.  _"What!?"_

" _Well, well, well_ , what do we have here?" Josh droned, punching Chris in the arm lightly. "Aaaaalright. Way to go, Cochise." Ashley and Chris squirmed under everyone's prying eyes.

"Well, we didn't want to ruin the moment, this is about Beth and Hannah and all-" Chris began nervously.

"No, it'd be nice to have some good memories up here too, you know…" Josh shrugged. Chris and Ashley exchanged glances before their faces broke out into huge grins.

 _"Well…_  we're getting married!" Ashley squealed happily, Jess and Em beelining to her hand to inspect her ring. Chris turned to Josh.

"And I'm super glad you're here, man," he mumbled. "It'd be pretty hard to get married without my best man."

Sam felt like her cheeks were on fire from smiling so much. Her eyes took it all in. Mike and Jess were now huddled close together; they'd reunited after Mike's second near-death experience of pulling Josh out of the mines. Before, he'd dumped her because it was time to stop dicking around – after, he got back together with her when he realized that the only way to stop dicking around would be to get serious, for once. Emily and Matt were closer than ever now, the whole experience having made them truly appreciate one another, differences and all. Chris and Ashley were getting married…

_And Josh._

He was  _here._  He was  _free._  He was  _alive._

All was right in the world. Sam walked through the crowd of friends, who were already excitedly deciding where to meet tonight to celebrate Chris and Ashley's engagement, to get to Josh. He was standing near the edge of the cliff, admiring his sister's crosses in silent contemplation.

"Do you think they're looking down at us right now?" he asked as Sam took ahold of his arm again. This was the first time Sam had ever heard Josh be able to talk about his sisters so emotionlessly; it wasn't that he didn't care anymore. More so that he was finally moving on.

"Yeah. And I think they're really proud of you, Josh," Sam said quietly, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Thanks," he whispered. "Not just for… you know, today, getting everyone up here. That means a lot to me, but… thanks for  _everything,_  Sam. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you." She knew that. But deep down, she knew the same was true about him with her. They'd saved each other in more ways than they could count at this point. "I love you," he said before pressing another kiss against her lips, which she graciously took from him.

"I love you, too," she said right away, and it put her heart at peace realizing how easy it was to say it now.

"C'mon, lovebirds. We're gonna go get shots in Beth and Hannah's honor… you know…  _before_  the monsters come out to play?" Matt joked, wrapping an arm around Emily's shoulder and turning to trek back down to the cable car.

 _"Ooooh!_  And we can help Ashley pick out her wedding colors! I, personally, look great in pink…" Jess giggled excitedly, grabbing Ashley's hand and starting to pull her away.

"Pink is tacky!" Emily called after them.

 _"Yeesh…_  you've got a fun couple months wedding planning…" Mike muttered to Chris sarcastically. Chris laughed.

"Bro, weddings are contagious. It's not gonna be long before Jess is hounding  _you_  for a ring. At least I'm planning a wedding with Ashley, not Princess Jessica."

Sam glanced up at Josh, who was grinning as he watched his friends start down the trail, back to their lives. This was probably the last time they'd all be back up here, and as bittersweet as that felt, it was time to make new memories somewhere else. And they had all the time in the world to do that. Josh gave one last glance back at his sister's crosses before he reached down and took Sam's hand.

"Ready?" he asked. She wordlessly nodded and they started after them. After a brief silence, Josh paused. "Hey Sam?"

"Yes, Josh?"

"Do you think we're gonna be happy, now?" Sam smiled. That was an easy one.

"Yeah," she breathed. "In a way, I really think we are."

In the end, Sam realized that this was always how it was meant to be. And she realized that in every scenario, in every conceivable way, she would choose him -  _over and over and over again._

But sometimes, even more than that, you realize that there was never any other choice at all.

* * *

**The End**


End file.
